What does the Bible say about divorce? You would be surprised at how often this question comes up in churches, in Christian counseling sessions and on Christian radio programs across the United States. There are millions of Christians in the U.S. alone who have either been through a divorce or who are in failing marriages where divorce is being looked at as an option. Sadly, the divorce rate in most Christian denominations is about the same as it is in the rest of society. In today's world, divorce is often viewed as an easy way to get out of a bad situation. But is it appropriate for Christians to divorce? If so, under what circumstances? What does the Bible have to say?
Well, the truth is that the Scriptures are very clear about how God feels about divorce. In fact, in Malachi 2:16 God tells us that He hates divorce....
"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel
But God also knows that man is sinful and that this is an imperfect world. He knows that husbands and wives are going to cheat. In Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus explained to the Pharisees why some divorces were allowed under the Law of Moses and under what circumstances divorces are permissible for Christians....
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
In the above passage we see that Jesus does allow for divorce in the case of marital unfaithfulness. If a husband or a wife commits adultery with someone else, then the other partner can opt for divorce. We also see this principle reflected in what Jesus had to say in Matthew 5:32....
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
So are there any other circumstances in which Christians can get divorced without sinning? Well, in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 the apostle Paul instructs believers that if they have a non-Christian husband or wife, they must stay with that husband or wife if they wish to stay. However, if that non-Christian husband or wife wants to leave, the Christian spouse is supposed to allow the non-Christian spouse to leave....
If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Please note that the passage above gives the non-Christian spouse the option of whether or not to leave. The Christian spouse must stay married to the non-Christian spouse if the non-Christian spouse wishes to stay.
While the rules for divorce that the Bible sets forth may seem harsh to some, the truth is that God considers a married couple to be "one flesh". He never intends for them to split up. The way that many couples divorce and remarry so casually today is an abomination to God.
But it is important to note that at times it may be appropriate for Christian couples to separate (though not divorce) if the circumstances call for it so that problems can be worked out at a safe distance. In extreme circumstances a separation may need to extend over a long period of time. However, Christians should not get divorced unless they are in a marriage which fits the specific situations discussed above.
While this may come as extremely disappointing news to those stuck in incredibly unhappy marriages, the truth is that God's ways are higher than our ways. He knows what is best. He wants us to work our marriages out.
The United States is filled with millions of men, women and children who have had their lives devastated by "easy" divorces. The institution of the family is being destroyed in modern society and it seems like families are generally less happy than they used to be.
If people would just obey God's laws and follow His design for marriage and the family things would work out so much better for them. God knows what is best, and when we follow His plan we will truly have the best chance to be blessed.
Thank you so much. This helps some. My husband and I have come to the conclusion that we are to remarry as soon as possible and know that the Lord would want us to remain together, rather than see families not try and accept a mere accidental filing, as we did not want that soon after. It was a third party and our mistake, but in our hearts we love each other so much and want to do what is right in the Lords eyes. Thank you for the advice and yes counseling would help us smooth out rough edges.
Jessica:
I am glad that we could be a bit of a help.
Michael
My husband has not wanted to be with me physically for several months and we have been living in two different states for that time just seeing each other occasionally. A fellow worker made advances toward me and I tried to stay strong and remain faithful to my husband. But I eventually gave in to my selfish flesh and satisfied my desires. I asked my husband for a divorce and he gave it to me. Now I see I did not do what God wanted and I feel I should leave the man that helped me destroy my marriage and ask my ex to take me back. Do you think that is what God would want? We were married for almost 25 years.
Lindsey:
You have already gotten a divorce so it may be too late to go back over that bridge.
What I would recommend is to stop seeing this new man and to rededicate yourself to God with all of your heart.
Without God, you are never going to be able to move your life in the right direction.
Michael
in january 2011 i found out my husband cheated on we went to counseling for 3 months then i decided i just needed to exit the situation and really clear my thoughts and ended up moving 1200 mi away to texas with a friend of mine and stayed for a yr during this yr we both kinda went our separate ways but never lost connection and the feelings or love never went away for me this past month i really felt i had god speaking to me that i needed to go home i need to fight for my marriage and that he was tired of the way we were both living out life and wanted us to work this out unfortunately while i was getting this message my husband was getting another and that was that he need to build him self up as an individual and be single and that our marriage was only going to bring him down. im devastated cause i feel we have been getting mixed signals from god and i dont know what to do i do still love him with all my heart and want to see him do what he is suppose to which has always been to serve the lord and preach the Gospel and i dont want to be the one to get in him way of that although i believe n marriage and believe god put us together to build each other up he doesnt see it like that he see it as dragging him down so this past tuesday i signed the divorce papers with tears n my eyes and handed then to him i gave him his final wish as my husband i like god hate divorce!!! but again i dont want to be the one to bring him down and not reach his goals im torn between a rock n a hard place and my heart is breaking
Layanna:
I feel really bad for you. This is a heartbreaking situation.
You were not the one who failed. It was your husband that cheated.
If you wanted out of the marriage there was not much you could really do to keep him there.
At this time I would rededicate yourself to God like never before.
I believe that God can bring a new man into your life that will be far greater than the man you were married to before.
Michael
Ten years ago I married my husband.We had a daughter.We lived together three months before he stopped coming home.He had moved in with another woman and was gone entirely from both of our lives not long after we split I found out I was pregnant with our son. I spent the next 6 years waiting for God to show me the plan he had for my family.My husband rarely came to see the children.Although I always kept a pleasant and helpful demeaner towards him.He began to loathe” me, as he says more than ever before.A few years ago I had a brief relationship with a man from work that resulted in a third child.This was a sad, cold relationship. I think maybe I choose that type of relationship because I knew what the bible says about divorce and I will never have the Lords Blessing in any relationship.It has been ten years now since we married and we were only together a short time. My husband has been in prison for three years and has another 15 years there.I send him money and letters of sopport but I have no desire in my heart to be his wife.I pray every night for God to put a man in my life so I can finally be the wife I always wanted t
Meadow:
It is heartbreaking to hear of all the pain your have been through. My prayer is that you and your family will not enter a time of great blessing.
Since your husband moved out on you and moved in with another woman, you have Biblical grounds for divorce since he cheated on you.
I would pray about it and seek God with all of your heart. Also, I would get some good Christian counseling.
It sounds like divorce may be a good option for you here, but in the end it is a decision that you must make.
In the end, my hope is that the next chapters of your life will be the greatest chapters you have ever known.
Michael
My husband only “loves” me when it comes to sex and it always has to be in ways I am uncomfortable with. The rest of the time I am being yelled at and called names (the list goes on and on). He tries to embarrass me in front of anybody. I go to bed angry so many nights and he believes that i should be over it and have sex or go to sleep. I am at the end of my rope and he tells me it wouldnt be a big deal if i wasn’t here are died. HELP!
Audrey:
It is obvious that he has no respect for you whatsoever. You never have to stay in a situation where you are being physically or verbally abused.
I would separate from this man immediately and hopefully that will wake him up. If he changes his attitude and agrees to marriage counseling that could be a possibility for you.
And has this man ever cheated on you? That would change my advice.
Michael
I got married two years ago and thought that I was going to be happy this time as I was once married before but not a Christian back then, this time me and my husband are currently separated for about two months now. I realized that I wasn’t ever in love with him. I married for comfort and also realized that was the same pattern as my previous relationships. I don’t know what to do.
Liz:
Love is not a “feeling” – it is a decision.
It really doesn’t matter if you have certain feelings for this man or not. You made the decision to marry him, and God expects you to work on that marriage.
If both of you will seek after God with all of your hearts, God can make your marriage into a beautiful thing. I have seen it happen so many times.
Michael
5yrs ago I was not a christian , I was in a dark depressed state feeling rejected over and over by my husband, he would not show me any affection. His best friend told me he was cheating on me and told me how beautiful I was and how I deserved so much better. I listened to this man and left my husband. Shortly after I got pregnant. I then caught this man cheating on me and we split when I was 4mo along with his child. At 6 mo preg my husband started talking to me and we decided to work things out and raise the baby as ours and not let the other man in to our lives, so this is what we have been doing for 5yrs now. I have since asked the Lord for forgivness and to come into my life and repented over and over how sorry I am for my adultry sin. Will I be firgiven? Am I forgiven? Should I ever allow the other man to see my child? I feel he was my sin and don’t want to let him back into my life
Abby:
Of course you are forgiven. God always forgives our sins when we ask Him to.
In 1 John 1:9 it tells us the following…..
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
You are definitely forgiven by God.
Should you ever let that other man see the child?
Well, he is the father, so that would be one factor in favor.
But I don’t know anything about the man, so I would advise you to get some wise counsel before letting him into the life of your child.
Michael