What Does The Bible Say About Divorce?

What Does The Bible Say About DivorceWhat does the Bible say about divorce?  You would be surprised at how often this question comes up in churches, in Christian counseling sessions and on Christian radio programs across the United States.  There are millions of Christians in the U.S. alone who have either been through a divorce or who are in failing marriages where divorce is being looked at as an option.  Sadly, the divorce rate in most Christian denominations is about the same as it is in the rest of society.  In today's world, divorce is often viewed as an easy way to get out of a bad situation.  But is it appropriate for Christians to divorce?  If so, under what circumstances?  What does the Bible have to say?

Well, the truth is that the Scriptures are very clear about how God feels about divorce.  In fact, in Malachi 2:16 God tells us that He hates divorce....

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel

But God also knows that man is sinful and that this is an imperfect world.  He knows that husbands and wives are going to cheat.  In Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus explained to the Pharisees why some divorces were allowed under the Law of Moses and under what circumstances divorces are permissible for Christians....

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

In the above passage we see that Jesus does allow for divorce in the case of marital unfaithfulness.  If a husband or a wife commits adultery with someone else, then the other partner can opt for divorce.  We also see this principle reflected in what Jesus had to say in Matthew 5:32....

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

So are there any other circumstances in which Christians can get divorced without sinning?  Well, in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 the apostle Paul instructs believers that if they have a non-Christian husband or wife, they must stay with that husband or wife if they wish to stay.  However, if that non-Christian husband or wife wants to leave, the Christian spouse is supposed to allow the non-Christian spouse to leave....

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.  And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.  For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.  How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Please note that the passage above gives the non-Christian spouse the option of whether or not to leave.  The Christian spouse must stay married to the non-Christian spouse if the non-Christian spouse wishes to stay.

While the rules for divorce that the Bible sets forth may seem harsh to some, the truth is that God considers a married couple to be "one flesh".  He never intends for them to split up.  The way that many couples divorce and remarry so casually today is an abomination to God.

But it is important to note that at times it may be appropriate for Christian couples to separate (though not divorce) if the circumstances call for it so that problems can be worked out at a safe distance.  In extreme circumstances a separation may need to extend over a long period of time.  However, Christians should not get divorced unless they are in a marriage which fits the specific situations discussed above.

While this may come as extremely disappointing news to those stuck in incredibly unhappy marriages, the truth is that God's ways are higher than our ways.  He knows what is best.  He wants us to work our marriages out. 

The United States is filled with millions of men, women and children who have had their lives devastated by "easy" divorces.  The institution of the family is being destroyed in modern society and it seems like families are generally less happy than they used to be.

If people would just obey God's laws and follow His design for marriage and the family things would work out so much better for them.  God knows what is best, and when we follow His plan we will truly have the best chance to be blessed.

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  • keith long

    i have been married three times and am currently married {third wife}.What does that mean?How does God look upon me?I have asked for forgiveness and me and my wife are both saved one was infadelity and one was both infidelity and she was not saved and i was and she asked to be out.So how does God look at me?People say what they want but I feel completely at peace with God and my life is full of his blessings so I don’t know how he could look at me badly or shameful.In the churches eyes I can not serve in a leadership role,so basically i feel like God has forgiven me but man will not,not really.

    • Admin

      Yes, God forgives all of your sins. So you can feel at peace knowing that God has forgiven you.

      When you get a chance read 1 John 5:11-13.

      As far as a position of leadership in a given church, the reality is that each church has their own rules.

      But in general, positions of leadership in churches should be given to those who have have exhibited godly character over a long period of time. We have all sinned, but there are those who have matured in the Lord and who are lived according to His Word over an extended period of time.

      That should be the goal for all of us.

  • jan

    I am a christian woman who is about to divorce her husband after 18 years of marriage.The marriage was bad from the start.It is a very unhappy situation.He is very abusive,mentally and verbally, and always has been.But i have reached the end of my rope,I dont want it anymore.It is worse now after all this time than it has ever been.I left him a year ago.I have tried to go back 3 times but he has said no.Any advice out there?

  • dawn Marie

    ask God for forgiveness and he will forgive you and do not think on it again

    • Diane

      I have been married for 7 yrs and we have 6 children one from my husband’s previous marriage/divorce 8 yrs prior to me meeting him. My husband is verbally and mentally y abusive to me (stupid, idiot, shut up) are said on an almost daily basis to me. I pray a lot on this and know God’s word on divorce but my husband also is verbally/mentally and on occasion been physically abusive to our children. He came from an incredibly abusive home. I could stand it I think with God’s help but now my kids will yell at me, at each other and their self-esteem is low. I feel by honoring God’s word I am not protecting my children. We also have no where to go or means by which to pay the house bills. I need guidance and prayer.

      • Admin

        Diane:

        I will say a prayer for you. I will pray that God will show you what to do.

        One thing you need to do is that you need to confront your husband about this if you have not done so already.

        If he persists in his abuse, then perhaps a long-term separation may be the best answer for you.

        I know that you are strained financially, but perhaps family or friends could take you and your kids in.

        In any event, please be sure to seek out godly advice from godly people. You are in a very difficult situation and you will need all of the godly counsel you can find.

        Michael

  • michelle

    dawn marie,
    forgive him,forgiving him does NOT make it right.
    pray for him, you cannot change him ONLY God can.
    and look to God for everything you have a right to help or take care of youself, seek a christian counselor, get in the word, and let God reveal to you what you should do not anyone else not even the counselor, the people you go to for help should just be a confirmation to what God has tried to tell you.
    Blessings

  • Glen

    My wife is pushing for a divorce. I recognize my shortcomings and have been trying to work on them by prayer, Bible Study, counseling. She refuses to go to any counseling and says she doesnt want me anymore. I am at witts end. I am trying to wait on God but she is pushing to end it. We have been married 26 years. I still desparately love her.

    • Admin

      Glen:

      The only person you can control is yourself.

      If your wife wants out you are not going to be able to stop her. All you can do is pray and try to do the right things.

      As long as you are doing all the right things that you know how to do, God is not going to blame you for her leaving.

  • Faith

    I met a guy about a year ago and since then we have grown close to one another. Further in the relationship, he revealed that he had been married before and they haven’t been together for 10 years or better. He has his own place and she has hers. I’ve asked why the separation. He replies that she always chose to party with her girlfriends over being with her husband. He got fed up with it and they split up. So, technically, I’m in love with a married man!!! I would have never considered dating a married man. I’ve been studying the Bible and have read how God hates divorce but permits it in certain situations. I thought about bringing up the topic of divorce. However,first of all, I don’t feel I should be the one pushing the issue of divorce. I feel that it should have been taken care of within those 10 years. Also, I don’t want to do that if God is not pleased with divorce. I thought of just ending the relationship, but easier said than done. How does God view this situation? What should I do?

    • Admin

      Faith:

      Yes, ending a relationship is much easier said than done. However, if that man is still married to someone else you should not be messing with him.

      Search the Word and seek God in prayer and He will direct your paths.

      Trust in Him.

  • Sally

    My ex-husband divorced me over 5 years ago. He had several emotional affairs & although I was willing to try to work it out, he filed in a “no fault divorce state”, so I was unable to contest. Does this mean that I commit adultery if I re-marry? I am unsure re: 1 Cor. 7: 39 & Luke 16:18. I am saved and am in a relationship w/ a man of the Lord & our relationship is pure. I want to follow what the Bible says.

    • Admin

      Sally:

      It is my understanding that if your husband committed adultery you would be free to remarry. But not knowing your exact circumstances I cannot comment on exactly what would be right or wrong for you.

      Michael

    • misty

      if the man your dateing has never been divorced and you have never commited adultry then you are allowed to remarry. thats what i got from the scriptures. but i would pray about it.

  • Russell

    I was always told that if you marry a person, God only recognizes you and that person as One even if you have a justifiable divorce. It has been 14 months since my divorce and I am feeling like I would give my ex a second chance. I don’t want to be prone to fornication being single, is it wrong to remarry a ex that wants a second chance to be a family again especially if you have children?

  • Linda

    My sister in law calls me because she hates my brother and wants a divorce, they are both Christians but my sister in law seems to have a twisted thought pattern on Christianity since she started attending yoga seminars. My sister in law says that she believes that because we have “free will” (her words, not mine) that we can make mistakes and choose the wrong husband and not the one god planned for us( kind of talking out of both sides of her mouth). I told her that divorcing her husband would be breaking her covenant and because we are to be like God we are to fulfill the covenant we made with our spouse and the bible does not have an “escape plan” for unhappy marriages. She tells me that I don’t know my bible as well as she does and that I am an a** hole like my brother. Ok.. I guess I’m not looking for advice, just please pray for them, their names are John and Christine.

  • gisele allard

    how would you help a couple that came to you for advice before getting married and although you said it was not a good idea got married than come back for help ? for counselling ?

  • gisele allard

    middle age woman lived with her friend for 10 years , got saved resently and asked to be baptised but is not married ? what is your response / what scripture would you have to suport that ?

  • Joel

    I think people are forgetting to repent. Luke 13:3. You must change your ways. If you divorce outside Bibical reasoning you can not continue in that marriage. It’s what the Bible says and there is no way around it. I think people try too hard to get scripture to fit their lives then get their lives to fit scripture.

  • ashley

    my husband and i have been married for 4 years. he recently told me that he wants a divorce. our marriage has been rough the past 2 years. he done drugs for 2years and lied to me the whole time. spent our money ( that we dont have ) to buy drugs with. in my eyes i consider that cheating. he was leaving his family and not being honest with his family over drugs. now he is saying he wants a divorce for the way he has treated me. said i deserved someone better. i love my husband very much. and a part of me wants to make this marriage work. but also i feel the same way. that i need someone who isnt going to lie to me and hide stuff from me. is this wrong to think that. would it be wrong for me to sign the divorce papers and move on? would God look down on me.

    • Admin

      Your situation truly is heartbreaking Ashley.

      Have you talked with your husband about turning to God and going to church with you? That could be a great first step.

    • Danielle

      Dear Ashley

      Firstly I want to say to you that I do feel sympathy for your situation this is so hard sometimes.
      from what I can see from your post is that your husband still loves you a great deal he says “you deserve someone better” hes feeling enormous guilt of his addictions and the suffering hes caused you.

      however you said the greatest thing of all you STILL LOVE HIM. yes there are times when it gets so hard that you just want to run, run as fast as your legs can carry you, but you love him and love is hard love doesnt discriminate and should be unconditional.

      my advice to you would be try to get your husband into a rehabilitation program of some kind, be with him through the process,pray with him, pour your hearts out to God and to each other be willing to pick him up when he falls as he will fall in the beginning but he’ll get stronger and you’ll get stronger.
      Hold on tight this is where that covenant comes into play.. for richer for poorer in sickness and in health till death do us part, if you are feeling the need to for what ever reason look into each others eyes and say you wedding vows to each other again, it does help it makes you so determined to make it work.

      May God bless you both through this trial
      xx

  • Jeff

    Ashley here’s where it gets tricky, and please understand that this is just my opinion. Do you truly believe that your husband is the only man who lies. Who might fall prey to drugs? I say this because lots of people divorce to find “someone better” and wake up one day looking at the same man they left. Then what? Well…its easy…divorce again…and again….and again…why not? I really am not trying to come down on you whatsoever but its just a matter of understanding the “better” in finding someone better. What if you get into an accident and are unable to walk. Is it okay for your husband to go out and find someone who can take long walks with him in the park. “Till death do us part”

  • Chris

    Hello,
    I just stumbled upon this post. Mine is going to be of an unsual question and any who can give me a Christian opinion, please do. I am married and have been for 12 years but my question is I work in family law and in family law we do alot of divorce cases so I have assisted in dissolving many marriages. I have recently been bothered wondering if God is frowning upon me because of my job. I am not getting a divorce but I am helping other people who want to get a divorce. Any opinions. I would like to do a career change sometime in the future because the nature of the environment of divorce is depressing but until I can make a career move, I am hoping God can forgive me for assisting people with divorce.

    • Elisa

      Hi Chris – I only just saw your comment and it looks like no one has replied yet. I would encourage you to listen to the Holy Spirit and follow His truth. Doing a job for the money while trying to ignore your conscience will not lead to a happy life.

  • Elle

    Hello there. I am a christian women, and I have fallen out of love with my husband. I don’t know why, he’s a good person but we can’t seem to get along. I’m just so sad because I feel trapped in this marriage because I don’t want to get divorced and commit that sin. I feel horrible, but we fight all the time and I just don’t want to be around him. Our small children see us fight and I feel bad and I bottle things up so they don’t have to see us fight.

    I’m about to explode and it’s caused me to go into a depression. I don;t know what to do but I don’t want to be with him anymore, I just want to be happy but I don’t want to hurt my kids and like I said I don’t want to commit that sin. I know someone will suggest marriage counseling but I don’t see how it will help when I just don’t love him anymore. I really wish I did, I really want to but I can’t and I don’t know why. We rushed into marriage at a young age and I don’t believe it was a mistake because I love my kids, but what do I do? Do I spend the rest of my life with him and we’ll both be miserable together? Please help!

    • Admin

      Elle:

      Separation and divorce are two entirely separate things.

      Also, love is not a “feeling” – it is a decision.

      I think if you and your husband both turn to God with all of your hearts that things may turn around for your marriage.

      Michael

    • lisa

      Elle-read or watch the movie Fireproof and do “the love dare”.

      • Admin

        Lisa:

        That is really great advice for all the married people that are reading this. :)

        Michael

  • Rebecca

    My husband of almost 5 years has had an affair several times during our marriage. He was caught everytime by me. He says he wants counselling and to make things right. Should I stay? Would God preferr for me to work it out or should I go? I’m so confused and hurt.

    • Admin

      Rebecca:

      In the Scriptures Jesus did allow for divorce in the event of marital unfaithfulness.

      That doesn’t mean that you have to divorce, but you do have that option since he cheated on you.

      I would recommend that you pray about it and talk about it with other Christians that you trust.

      Michael

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com Dee

    I am married to a man who is a closeted homosexual or bisexual. We had four children when I found that he was hooked on homosexual porn sites. We had been married 20 years wnen I found an email from his homosexual lover. He says that he left that man but makes no plans to change his behavior. I have prayed for his salvation but I am beginning to think that staying with him is more of a sin than divorce would be. What should I do?

    • Admin

      Dee:

      I can’t imagine what you have been through. It is an absolutely heartbreaking story.

      Jesus did allow for divorce in the event of marital unfaithfulness. This does not mean that you have to get a divorce. What it means is that you should pray about it and get some godly counsel and do what you feel God is leading you to do.

      In this case you have four children to think about as well.

      Michael

  • http://Whatthebiblesays... Michele

    Christian couple. Im a 29 years old mother of one. Me and my husband has been married for seven months and has been battling back and forth since the beginning pf the marriage. He wants a divorce now and is very unwilling and unforgiving and does not want to go to counselling. I love my husband despite everything we have been through and want the marriage to work. How would god look at me if I give up just as my husband has done? Any suggestions?

    • Admin

      Michele:

      A broken marriage can suck all the life right out of you. Try to surround yourself with godly people that will be able to comfort and advise you.

      Don’t give up on your marriage. Keep on praying. The truth is that God can turn anyone around.

      Michael

  • francis hunter

    i m married to a man 19 yrs younger than me and it has been alomst 4 yrs…this is the 1st time we live together .because of a Courtorder..he is active duty military .currently stationed in Iraq and wont be home until later this year..since he s been gone he goes back and forth on a divorce and wants me to do it…i refuse because i know its wrong in God s Eyes….he is also a believer of the script what should i do to make him see that we need to get counseling and how should i handle this situation..i m at the end of my robe and need some advice

  • josh

    Ok I got saved when I was 21 or so and began living for the lord and renounced my wicked ways and believed fully that christ died for me and is an atonement for my sins from the cross. I am from ohio then moved to minnesota with my brother got married up here.Before the day of my marriage my wife got in a fight with my mother and ever since then they been at each others throat no matter what happens. My wife cant stand pretty much anyone that im related too and is in constant fights with one of them. I have got along with her family for the most part, but have had some problems with her mom trying to take charge in my life. We have been married three years and we have fought for three years. I am not a fighter and very passive most of the time. She has fought me about my mom and wanted me to completely disown her and my dad and brother and would deny letting my mom see the grand children, but would allow her family to do whatever with them. she got mad at my mom for taking her grand children to mcdonalds even though i said it was ok for her to do. she said she wishes she never married and gave me her wedding ring and then it became lost and then blamed me for it and said she thinks i had something to do with it or would try to pawn it off. she as beat me six or seven times in the past just hitting me constantly and calling me names left and right. I have since became very bitter towards her and name will lash out at her most of the time and i feel i dont love her anymore and find more enjoyment driving down the road in my car because it peaceful unless she decided to call and see what im doing. At times she will call 15 to 20 times to see where im at even though im not doing anything.she watches the bank account like a hawk and questions my every transaction. we spend every holiday with her family and then when im there they will say things that my kids do and boast that it must be because of their family that my kids are good at something. At one point i started taking a few pills during my marriage because of my great depression, but have since stopped realizing it made things worse. She would cuss me out all the time. Then later i was being tormented by a spirit day in and out for a month. I actually seen the thing and i rebuked it in the name of christ and it immediately fled from me. It was putting cursing and naked pictures in my mind and all kinds of evil. Since i rebuked it, it has stopped greatly. I am in a mess and dont know what to do and my marriage is becoming worse ane worse as time goes on. I have no patience for her anymore and im becoming bitter and hateful.

  • josh

    She says she is a christian and got saved when she was eight years old. I got help several times from people at my church but nothing changes. Im finding its becoming very hard to stay in the lord in these conditions and stay strong. i would say my spiritual life has taken a major blow and i feel completely defeated. T have went to her several time explaining the role of the husband and role of the wife and she says well i dont think it will help things anymore i just want to give up. Im lost and have prayed several times about this and have not gotten and answer from the lord. I have went to my dad about this and I dont know what to think of his advice. Its terrible never in my life have i seen a marriage like this one.

    • Admin

      Josh:

      I feel so incredibly bad for you. It sounds like you are going through hell on earth.

      There is a difference between a divorce and a separation.

      If she is beating you, then you should seriously consider moving out. Nobody should take continual physical abuse.

      If she is beating the kids or abusing them then they may need to be removed from that situation as well.

      I would get the advice of Christians at your church and I would be getting the advice of your family as well.

      Keep on praying for your situation and keep on praying for your wife.

      Something has got to change – just sitting there and taking her abuse is going to destroy you.

      Michael

  • kim

    What if my husband hit me? I have the bruise to prove it on my eye! We have been together for 11 years and have 4 kids together. He’s always had a bad temper but this is the first time he has actually struck me. I’m not living there anymore, I’ve moved in with my mother. We are trying to be cordial with eachother for the kids sake. I don’t think I want to work it out. I know he doesn’t. So, what’s the position of the Bible on abuse?

    • Admin

      Kim:

      You did the right thing by removing yourself from a situation where there was physical violence.

      Is your husband a believer? It sounds like he may not be. It certainly sounds like he does not want to work it out.

      The Scriptures say that if an unbelieving husband wants to leave that you should let him go.

      But you will also need to pray for him and forgive him (I know that will be hard).

      Also, it will be important to find some Christian friends to talk all of this out with.

      Michael

  • Shirrelle

    I married in my teens and have been married over two decades. Our children are grown. Within the first few years he cheated on me. I can only prove one incident. This tore my heart apart but I decided to stay for the children. Through the past decade both of us have had sexual relations with other people. I feel like this relationship is not spiritually healthy for me and I want to divorce and find a good Christian man to marry and vow myself to. In Gods eyes will this be okay?

    • Admin

      Shirrelle:

      As noted in some other comments, the Bible does provide for divorce in the event of marital unfaithfulness.

      Did his cheating happen recently or did it occur a long time ago?

      Michael

  • Anmichelle

    My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years. In March of 2009 he decided that he was done and he didn’t want to be my husband anymore. He moved out and left me and our 3 sons alone. I was completely devastated and without hope. I kept trying to convince him to come back to me and our children and he kept telling me that he was trying to work out his problems and get better for us. I believed him and kept praying that everything would work out. But in the back of my mind I always knew there was someone else. About a year later I found out through Facebook what was really going on. He had moved in with his girlfriend. I went to her house and confronted him. He had been living there for months and lying to me all the while. The girl was 3 months pregnant and I felt like dying. I gave up on God and everything. I tried to kill myself but God saved me. It’s been a year and I am much better. But what do I do know. I still love him. Still want him. But he says he loves her. And that she, their daughter, and her two other children are his family. Divorce or pray for reconciliation. Please help me. Pray for me. I am so lost.

    • Admin

      Anmichelle:

      Your situation is absolutely heartbreaking. Is your husband a Christian? In the word it says that we are to let non-believers leave if that is what they want to do.

      But I know that it can be incredibly hard to let go of someone when you love them so much. Always keep praying that he would come back to the Lord. We should always pray and never give up.

      I know you are hurting. It is okay to hurt. It is important to surround yourself with family and Christian friends who will support you through all of this.

      What your husband did was absolutely horrible. God hates adultery and it is a sin that He takes very seriously.

      You can recover and the rest of your life can be far better than what you have experienced so far. You need to believe this and let God do miracles in your life.

      God has a plan for you. Don’t give up. (Jeremiah 29:11)

      Michael

  • http://alpharenewal.org Jeanie

    Josh
    Separation and keeping the children safe is not a sin. You can get legal rights to your children if you are legally separated. If children’s services knows there is physical abuse at home in front of the children they can take them. It sounds as though your wife suffers from mental health problems. Turning your will and mind over to God by reading his word daily and praying without ceasing can help you find peace. I know what it is like to live with someone who is abusive emotionally, verbally and a few times physically. I at times lose my self control and lash back as well. I then have to turn to my God and ask Jesus to be the lover of my soul. I have to ask for forgiveness too.

  • Marie

    Hello Michael. I appreciate your article/blog here very much. I’ve been reading everyone’s posts, and some sound familiar. I’m struggling very much so with the decision as to whether or not I should leave my husband. He’s a non-believer, and I am a believer. He treats me like dirt, ignores me, lies about where he is and what he’s doing, stays out late at night drinking with his friends, he has cheated on me physically and mentally (sexting?? is that cheating? Immoral thoughts about other women?) with other women. I have forgiven him for every instance besides the last. I cannot take it anymore and don’t want to live like this. He says “this is who I am, whether you like it or not. You don’t have to stay with me” but morally and biblically, I’m starting to understand that I actually DO have to stay with him… like it or not. Even though I’ve forgiven him, it’s so hard to put it out of my mind. We’ve been married for 2 1/2 years. Marriage counseling was a sham. He actually TOLD me that he “just said what we wanted to hear” (myself and the Pastor, that is). I feel as if my whole marriage is a lie. The only reason I can justify staying with him is my darling daughter who is 3, but I don’t want her growing up around alcohol and drugs and immoral things. Are there any scriptures that deal with these issues? I feel as if Matt 5:32 isn’t enough for me to feel even remotely excuse a divorce, but I’m becoming to resent him for everything he does.

    • Admin

      Marie:

      Sometimes a separation is the best thing for a marriage. You should not just sit there and continually take abuse.

      I would pray and get counsel about the possibility of a long-term separation. It may be enough to get him to wake up and start taking things seriously.

      But even if he does not wake up, at least it would provide you and your daughter with some safety.

      Michael

  • nina

    heloo.. my name is nina. i am currently in a relationship with a guy who is divorced. He is 25 and i am 23.. my pastor told me to break off the relationship because it is entirely wrong and there is no way to go around it.. he was a backslider then. he is now back with the Lord. N.B he was the one that cheated on his wife.. plz advice me.. thanks

    • Admin

      Nina:

      That is a very tough situation. I would recommend that you pray a lot about it and get a lot of counsel from family and friends. God can repair our broken pasts and make things new. God will guide you if you are open to it.

      Michael

  • Andrea

    I am 30 and have been married about 3 months. After 1 month my husband got angry over a small argument and said marrying me was a mistake. My daughter and I were devistated and my family is furious. We separated at that time also. Now my husband came to me and said he needs help, that he directed his anger at me when it wasn’t deserved, said he loves me and wants to make things work. My family is very mad and angry that i am even considering working on things with him. I want to do what God wants, I feel so torn between him and my family and those close to me. Please help.

    • Admin

      Andrea:

      Sometimes things said during arguments can be extremely hurtful. We all say things that we end up regretting.

      But it sounds like he is repenting and that he wants to make things work.

      Is he a Christian?

      Michael

  • Matthew

    Should a divorced man continue preaching at his church even though he is one of the best preachers and leads the only church I’ve ever felt at home at? His delivery, knowledge, and passion are tremendous and beautifully inspiring, but he is going through a divorce. Should our church ask him to step down? Or should our forgiveness be enough to allow him to lead us?

    • Admin

      Matthew:

      I believe that any pastor that is currently going through a divorce should step down at least temporarily.

      Michael

  • Whitney

    I need advice. My husband and I got married July 2010. In october he started an affair with another married woman. Nothing physical ever happened (or so he says). But it was a never ending string of texts, emails, videos, pictures, etc. The pictures were naked pictures of each of them, videos were horrible. He told this women he loved her. That he would stop having sex with me, commented on me as a sex partner in a negative way, etc. I found out about the affair in February and agreed to reconcile and to try and forgive him. He agreed to go to counseling but then only went a few times and stopped going. I found out yesterday that the affair stopped for 2 weeks after I caught him the 1st time and started back up.

    I’m so torn. I always told myself that divorce would never be an option in my marriage. But he has cheated on me twice!!! Should I forgive and try to work through this or ask for a divorce? I just don’t know what to do.

    • Admin

      Whitney:

      He has cheated on you so divorce is an option.

      That does not mean that you have to divorce him.

      Separation is an option. In fact, it might give you two the breathing room you need right now.

      I would seek the counsel of good Christian people and of your family. Pray about it and seek God.

      A decision like this is never easy. Take your time and do your best to seek the will of God.

      Michael

  • http://www.gmail.com Wendy

    Been married to my husband for 5 years now and I’m seriously considering divorce. Things have been bad this bad from the very start but I’ve just been stuck because I know the Lord hates divorce but I seriously can’t take it anymore! Our differences are js too much can’t even begin to mention one. Thecommunication died a long time ago, we haven’t been intimate for about sis months now. We are simple nothing less than room mates. I really think we both want out but maybe afraid of what our pastors or parents will say but the marriage is already dead. Ok why am I writing, I need advice whether I shld stay in this “marriage” simple because I’m a christian, I’m only 26 now and spent the rest of my life being so miserable in love? Someone please HELP1

    • Admin

      Wendy:

      It certainly sounds like you are in a difficult situation.

      I think it would help if you would clarify a few things…..

      Are both of you Christians?

      Has either of you cheated?

      In situations like you are currently in, sometimes a separation can be the best thing. It can give both people the chance to “cool off” and reflect on things.

      Just because things are going “badly” is not a good reason for divorce. But if there is something else going on here that might be another story.

      In any event, I feel very badly about what you are having to go through.

      Michael

  • Attez

    I have been married for ten years. For at least 5 years my husband has been flirting and trying to meet women through social networking sites. I’v also intercepted several text messages and phone relationships that he was having with other women.

    The last incident (I began to entertain the advances of other men) we had we decided to start going to church together and working on our family. Then we decided that if we had any other issues we should probably separate well now he’s back to his old games. He has not admitted to sleeping with anyone else but he may have.

    Am I wrong for thinking about divorce?

    • Admin

      Attez:

      No, you are not wrong. He is cheating on your marriage.

      I think a separation may be a good thing because it could give you a chance to figure out what is really going on without so much pressure.

      Also, get some good advice from Christian friends and people at your church.

      Situations like this are never easy.

      Michael

  • Jimmy

    I have been married 4 times, all for thr wrong reasons due to my sinful life befor I was saved. I have been saved for 17 years and I believe I have a good walk with God. However some thing because of my past divorces I cannot remarry at all. I never divorced my wives, they divorced me. What does Gd think about me marrying again now. I feel like if I do god will turn His back on me. I do feel like God has forgiven me. But if I marry will God not love me enough anymore and not allow this remarriage?

    • Admin

      Jimmy:

      God can take the broken pieces of your life and make them new again.

      The important thing is to find a great church and to build your relationship with Him.

      Michael

  • Mandy

    Hello,

    This is my story. Growing up I lost my father at age 4. I didn’t have a strong male role in my life ever. My mom was I think so heart broken because of the death of my father that me and my two older brothers just kinda raised ourselves. When I was 19 I met a guy and only after a year of seeing eachother we got married..when I was 20. I was so young, and very stupid. My brothers were both already married and I was still stuck at home. I got married for the complete wrong reasons. My ex was 12 years older than I was. I didn’t take my vows seriously. I don’t even remember saying them, to be honest I knew I was making a huge mistake but I was scared, I didn’t want to not go through it because of all the people there, and if I knew what I know now I would have never went through with it. He was somewhat addicted to pornography but I can’t use that to justify me divorcing him because I was looking for a way out anyway. I was so young and stupid and now it has been close to 4 years sense our divorce I have grown in the lord but I feel horrible for what I did. I don’t think the right thing would be to get back in the marriage, because I don’t think it was the right thing to do to begin with. He had been married before, and also I think that his wife left him, I really don’t know what the circumstances were. I knew it was wrong on my wedding day.. I knew it because I even confided in my friend that I didn’t know if I was making a good decision or not. All I saw is that I was going to have my own place and someone was going to take care of me. Now that I am divorced, I wonder if God will forgive me without going back into that relationship, not knowing if that would even be possible. It was a huge mistake, and I also wonder…if I will ever be able to marry again. I don’t have any kids, and I long to marry and have kids one day. But I am now still young at 26, no kids, no husband and think I ruined my chance by marrying the first person that asked. I feel like I have ruined my life with this stupid teenaged mistake. I continue to seek God on this. Anyone have any advice?

    • Admin

      Mandy:

      God can always turn your life around. There is nothing that He cannot do.

      I believe that the fact that your husband was using porn does constitute “cheating”. He was committing adultery with those women in his heart.

      God can find you a great husband. You still have plenty of time. Just make sure that you find a really, really strong Christian this time.

      Michael

  • Ann

    Im crying so much.My ex-husband made my kids against me. They choose to live with him after living with me for six years now they are 9 without see me. They made from me abuse them specially to let them go. I was battle for them in the court but i gave up after they testify against me. I had no choice either go to gail or let them go away. What he has its only money. He both everyone even kids and my lower. I cant battle with him all my life. He will win again he has more money.They dont want to call me not pick up the phone. I know its him controling them.I don’t know why its happened with me. I loved them more then anything in my life. I do for them my best.Everything in my life all my achievements cause of them. They knew it. I know they love me a lot its Satan thing in their head. He abuse me and all his family during our 10 years marriage I was alone here. Him and his father fiscally abuse unrespected way as an animal on my kids yeses,cheating me even with my sister. He made me hated him finally i choose divorce.He didn’t leave me choices.He got married right way.Im remarried too.God forgave me privios and allow remarriage through the second baptism in my life. But I lost them righway.I cant leave without them.Im really suffering and make my husband suffering. I used to hided.My heart is broken only them.Once my heart almost stop god saved me.I pray to god.Pray for me and my kids to guyed them.Why god allowed happen or its people sins or god prepared something? But i feel only god knows as the life stop after they left me.

  • tami

    i just got married to my kids father after 6 years. just 5 days after being married i found out he may have fathered another child.were not sure if it is his or not but im thinking divorce. i am just confused

    • Admin

      He never told you about this?

      Michael

  • http://none Albert

    We have been married 27 yrs now and the last few years my wife has become very mentally ill and quite dangerous. Last night I barley kept her from shooting herself and me. We have 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren and they are becoming very afraid of her. She’s stabbed herself, overdosed multiple times and has been in the mental hospital for over 190 days in the last 2 yrs. Both of our families are afraid she will do something to me of the kids next. Would I be sinning if I filed for divorce? I have no plans to remarry or even date.

    • Admin

      Albert:

      What you do need to do is to get yourself and everyone else away from her immediately.

      Your safety and the safety of the kids and the grandkids comes first.

      After that you can consider what comes next.

      Michael

  • Sarai

    I am married now for 5 years. my husband and i have been through so much, financially, emotionally, physically. Sometimes I feel like i married my husband because he was a nice guy and he was great with my two children from a previous relationship (kids out of wedlock), not because i was in love with him. I think i cared about my children having a father figure more than being in love or loving my husband. I feel guilty but am trying to make the best of my marriage. i love him but are not in love with him. i don’t want to end my marriage but want God to forgive me for getting married for the wrong reason. i am happy i am married and intend to stay in this marriage for the rest of my life. i thank God for getting us through everything we have been through. Sometimes i feel like God is punishing me for getting married for the wrong reasons. what are your thoughts of that?

    • Admin

      Sarai:

      Even though the past was not perfect, if you will both turn to God with all of your hearts and submit to Him, He can make your future greater than you can imagine.

      Michael

  • Mandy

    I seeked council on this and they said that because I didn’t really divorce my husband because he was unfaithful but really because I should have never married him in the first place that I am to remain single or remarry him.

  • Kas

    I am very confused about what I should do. I love my husband but I am afraid that we may have been out of God’s will when we got married. I rushed into marriage because I was head over hills for him and afraid that I was going to loose him. We had not been pure in our relationship prior to marriage. I was hurt and discouraged and depressed because of our sin. I thought that marrying him would make it all go away, but of course it didn’t. Ever since we said I do I have questioned whether we were supposed to get married. I feel like I betrayed God and stepped out of his will. I want peace again and I am depressed now. As far as my marriage goes I love my husband and I want to stay with him and he wants to be with me. Will God forgive me for marrying even if it was in disobedience? Will he use us? Should I stay married or divorce and try to start over? I am so confused and it is all my fault. :( my heart is broken and I love my husband and the last thing in the world I want to do is hurt him more, but I can’t seem to get right any more. I know this seems silly but I am being tormented day and night. I need help.

    • Admin

      Kas:

      Yes, God can use you and your husband no matter what your motives for getting married were.

      God loves you and your husband very much.

      Did you have the right motives when you got married? That really isn’t the key. The key is that now that you are married, God wants you and your husband to honor that commitment and to work really hard to make it work.

      The Scriptures tell us that God hates divorce. Perhaps your marriage is not perfect, but no marriage is. What God expects is for us to love our spouses and to dedicate our lives to Him.

      God can help you through this. Keep on praying and make sure that you and your husband are fellowshipping with other believers. They can help get you through this time.

      Michael

  • Will

    I am 13-years-old. Last July, my mother decided to leave my father. They had been together for 14-years, and my father was a pathological liar and my mother decided that she just could not take it anymore. Later on in the seperation, my mother learned of some serious financial problems that had piled up over the years that she was not made aware of.

    It is unfortunate because my mother has lost many friends throughout this process. Many of her friends from our former church have made claims that she is not a Christian because she did this. But, in my mind, isn’t lyeing much worse then divorce?

    The divorce has not been completed to this day because my father has been stubborn throughout the process and has set his mind to getting my mother back. But she has no love for him and since then has bought a new house.

    Please help me to understand-is my mom going to be able to go to Heaven?

    • Admin

      Will:

      We are all sinners.

      What determines whether we go to heaven or not is whether or we have put our faith in Jesus Christ.

      Michael

  • Bitter Fruit

    I’ve been married 8 years. My husband is a good provider, but that is all! He’s quick tempered, verbally abusive, and unapproachable. I’m so tired! I know what the Bible says about divorce, but I am tired! I find myself wanting to be divorced. I can honestly say the only reason I’m still in my marriage is simply the fact that I don’t want to pack and move. It’s not that I really love my husband, it’s that I hate to put the energy into physically packing and moving. I’ve been reading about the fruits of the spirit and I’m feeling that my fruit is spoiling. Please pray for me, and I will certainly appreciate any godly advice anyone has to offer.

    • Admin

      Bitter Fruit:

      In your situation, the right answer might be a long-term separation.

      Michael

  • Eli

    Hello, i am in a situation where my wife cheated on me with another man and i found out. She had no way out so she confessed. She has told me she loves me and really feells bad for what she did. She is getting closer to God,which is great, and has asked me for forgiveness. I have told her at the present time there is no way I can forgive her. We have two boys 5 and 7 and that is the only thing holding me back. At thesame time I feel I am getting further away from God staying with her. I hope God does not punish me for getting a divorce if that is the path I take. Being that she has asked me for my forgiveness and she is trying to get closer to God, is it still ok for me to get a divorce or should I try to work things out, even though I really dont feel nothing and don’t want to feel nothing for her. please help.

    • Admin

      Eli:

      Since she cheated on you, you do have the option to divorce her. But that does not mean that you must divorce her.

      Seek God with all of your heart on this matter and get some godly advice. God will help you through this.

      Michael

  • Janna

    My ex husband claims he’s a believer but only seemed to act like one around other people. He used to yell at me and hit me often in our marriage. He held me down and choked me while telling me to die one night. He also had a drinking problem, looked at porn, and flirted with women all the time and lied to me about talking to one of them on the phone. I don’t think he ever had a physical relationship with any of them but I’m not sure. I divorced him because we didnt have children and I didn’t want to bring children in the world with a husband who abused me. I went to counseling with him and he got put on several different meds but neither did any good. I prayed every night for him but he continued his behavior. Was I wrong to divorce him?

    • Admin

      Janna:

      No woman should ever stay in a physically abusive situation, so a separation was definitely the right thing to do.

      Also, by looking at porn and openly flirting with other women he was cheating on you. In a case like that, I believe that the Bible does allow for divorce.

      Michael

  • Jay

    I feel like I’m really in a bad position with God concerning my marriage, but I’m unsure. My wife of six years and I have been separated for six months (in different cities). I have a two year old daughter we are trying to remain cordial around to raise her in the church and so she can see God’s love. Throughout our six years my wife was both verbally and physically abusive at times. She also played a lot of games to get things she wanted from me in the marriage. Additionally, she has admitted to friends she didn’t love me when we married, but learned to love me. There became a point where I became emotinally detached from her and now I have even fallen in love with someone else– who now has moved in with me (which means I have committed adultry). I’m so confused as she appears to be everything a wife should be. I know I don’t want to be married to my wife any longer and niether does she. Now I’m living in sin, but I want this woman to become my wife. But am I allowed to divorce and remarry the woman I am with. I continually pray and ask for direction– but I’m looking for a little earthly advice. Please help.

    • Admin

      Jay:

      You should be seeking advice from above, not earthly advice.

      The first thing you should do is to stop living with this other woman outside of marriage. Once you do that, it will give you the opportunity to think more clearly.

      Michael

  • Susie

    My sister was married years ago and due to his addictions he abandoned her and their 2 mo old daughter. Shortly after this he was locked up for some stuff for the last 9 years. My sister got remarried years ago and now 9 years later he’s come back begging for forgiveness. He says he’s a Christian now and wants to make right what he did. My sister and her husband do not have a good marriage but she has refused to give up on him. Now that this has happen her current husband wants a divorce and she is very hurt. I was wondering if anything was mentioned in the bible about divorcing one husband to remarry an ex husband. I don’t think she’ll do that but I was wondering?

  • Tiffany

    i have been married for 2 years. We were both invoved with someone at the time we got together, and those relationships were ended (neither one of us was married). His ex told him she was pregnant when he broke up with her, but we continued our relationship and got married. During that time I suffered alot due to his ex not wanting their child around me, my husband would have to go and visit with his daughter at his ex’s or his mom’s(which was alot). So i was left alone alot during this time. I tried to talk to him and let him know that i was becoming lonely and offered suggestions that would make everyone in the situation happy or at least content. He didnt do anything about it, he continued to do what his ex wanted. As his wife, he put me ont he back burner and I felt like I had no say so or my opinion or feelings didnt matter. This caused me to seek attention from another man. This happened one time. We had a sexual conversation. That was it, im not saying that i was right, I know it is wrong. Myhusband found out and flipped. I asked for forgiveness and ask if we could work it out. I thought we did but didnt. He would constantly accuse me of cheating after this, although i wasnt. I dealt with it because i know i brought this on myself. He said that it would be hard to trust me again and i understood that but pointing the finger wasnt going to solve anything either. Time went on and i thought we were getting passed it, but the day before our 2 year anniversary i found out he lied to me, something he’d never done before. His ex and their child came to town and i asked him about it and he said they were not here. I found out they were. I asked why he lied, and he told me he needed time to himself for a while. No real explanation. He said that he was having issues within himself and he felt that only he can fix them. Also, he said he felt himself changing and that if he stayed, he would end up hurting me because of how he was thinking and feeling. It has been a month now, and I have been going through. Cryiung, not sleeping, not eating, full all out depression. It is so hard because i have 2 children of my own(he isnt their father) and i dont want them to see me this way. He wont talk to me, i dont understand whats going on, i dont know if its over or not, and thats the worst part of the situation. Im at the point of anger now, because i feel that whatever he’s dealing with, he shouldnt have have left home to deal with it. I feel abandoned and I can feel myself hardening. I dont want to divorce him, i love him too much and I feel that whatever it is, we can work on it together and move passed it. But the way he’s treating me, makes me want a divorce. But the other part of me wants to stay. I dont know what to do. Any advice?

    • Admin

      Tiffany:

      I can’t even imagine what you are going through. The pain has got to be immense.

      In order for your marriage to work out, you both are going to have to turn to God with all of your hearts. Without God, it is going to be really hard.

      From your story it sounds like he is treating you badly, but has he ever cheated on you?

      If he has not cheated on you, I would not think about a divorce. Yes, things are hard right now, but if you both are willing to turn back to God with everything you have then you will have a good chance of making it work.

      Michael

  • Fred

    Been married over 10yrs, have 5 children and a wonderful marriage. Recently found out my wife cheated (non intercourse). I tried to forgive but it was very difficult. I did stay with her and we tried working but arguments were frequent as dishonesty and lack of love were evident. Less than a yr after first finding out my wife had cheated she came to me telling me she was pregnant by this other man. She then had an abortion and She seems to want to work it out but I don’t know what to do. I am trying to trust God but the anger, bitterness and hurt are to much.

  • Josh

    I have been married for 9 years. My wife and I are seperated. She wants a divorce and says that it is what God is leading her to do. There was no infidelity, no physical abuse. She claims emotional and verbal abuse off of the fact that we have 3 small children and she lost her father recently and we definitely were at each other more and more. I absolutely do not want a divorce and am willing to do anything to work things out but she says she can’t and she doesn’t want to try anymore because she has “tried everything”. I have supported her for the last 6 years so she could stay home with kids. I wrote her a letter of responsibility that my counselor suggested to take responsibility and ask forgiveness for any wrongdoings I did while we were married. It seemed to have no affect on her. She is active in the church, she teaches now at the Christian school where our kids go. And she is a frequent at women’s bible study. I’ve asked her how she can justify this divorce and she only states that she doesn’t have to justify anything to me and she is justified with God. She told me that it was sad to her that I was fighting the divorce when it was “going to happen” and all trying to prolong it would do is cost me more money. I am so confused, how can she refuse to reconcile when it seems to go completely against what we are taught and the fact that I’m willing to change anything in order to save our marriage and family.

    • Admin

      Wow Josh that is really tough.

      She should not be seeking a divorce. From what you are saying, she is directly ignoring the Word of God.

      I would not cooperate with the divorce and I would keep trying to reconcile.

      More than anything, I would be hitting your knees and praying like crazy.

      God can do anything.

      Don’t give up yet.

      Michael

  • jimmy

    marriage is a wonderful thing designed by God himself…it is not to be taken or entered into lightly…marriage is a covenant that a man and a woman enter into…just as one enters into a covenant with God through Jesus Christ…the difference being that the marriage covenant between a man and a woman ends at death…and the covenant between an individual and Christ is for all eternity…my wife and i have been married for over 20 years now and through all the bumps we have encountered i can truly say that i love her…love is not a feeling…its a commitment…many people enter into marriage in the wrong fashion…but i believe with all my heart that if a married man and woman wholly commit their lives to the Lord that divorce will never be an option…my wife and i had a time when we considered divorce and when i look back on it i can say that we both had gotten away from God…but when we both rededicated our lives to him we realized that we wanted to please God…and divorce was not an option…i feel that the decline of the American church started in the home with families getting away from God…and true revival in the American church will come when the home gets back in order and mothers and fathers begin to repent and turn back to God…i want to be like Enoch…i want to have a testimony that i please God…

  • http://christopheryan11@wordpress.com Christopher E. Ryan

    I’m very impressed. You hit the verses perfectly. I would however, like to add that just because you can “biblicly” get a divorce it doesn’t necessarily mean you should. I believe any marriage that can be worked out should be. I don’t want to sound like a hypocrit so I have to admit that I have been divorced but mine was unable to work. My wife (at the time) was not willing to admit what she had done and unwilling to change. I did have biblical and legal reasons and I still stand by them. May God Bless you and keep up the good work.

  • Liz

    Ok, what if your husband has cheated on you, and you have forgiven him, then he admits that he does not cheat any more but he says he lusts after other women? Not only that, but he says that sometimes he thinks about other women to get aroused to have sex with me. What do I do in this case? We are both believers; in fact, my husband is an elder in the church.

    As much as I would like my marriage to work, I am not sure that it will. How could I ever want to make love to my husband when I know that he admits to thinking about someone else in the process?

    • Liz

      Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that we have been married for 12 years and 5 months and we have four children.

    • Admin

      Liz:

      It is not wrong for you to insist that he get some counseling. And it is not wrong for you to insist that you change before you resume your normal lifestyle with him.

      In fact, if things are bad enough a short-term or a long-term separation may be called for. Lusting after other women is not acceptable.

      • Liz

        Thank you for your advice! I have been going to counceling throughout my marriage (he would not go) I am leaning heavily towards the seperation….

  • chris

    I have been married to my wife for 4yrs….I cheated on her and confessed to her just before we lost our son. She insists on a divorce but I still love her and believe that my infidelity was caused by my absence for over 2yrs. What do I do?

    • Admin

      Chris:

      Just keep praying. You can’t make her stay married to you if she insists on going. But you can pray and show her that you have changed by trying to reflect Christ in everything that you do.

  • Ariana

    My situation is different..please help me. My husband is Christian, we are married for 8 years. I was not raised Christian and I came to Christ later in life. I am a very spiritual person and anything but worldly. However my views and beliefs changed over the years. I love God and I love Christ but my understanding about everything has changed and I no longer agree with mainline Christianity. I am more of what you would probably call New age christian. I do not want to debate my beliefs here – I do love God and the Christ and it is my life. My husband is heartbroken and depressed about my spiritual change -he has every right to do so- but he completely rejects me emotionally and does not even want to be intimate with me anymore even if I beg him. I love him, I do not believe in divorce. I want to be with him. He calls me a liar and does not believe I ever was a true biblical Christian. I begged him in God’s name to believe me and forgive my shortcomings but he said shame on me for even taking God’s name on my mouth. He rejects me and distanced himself from me and I see he is very depressed without church community. We haven’t gone to church in a long time but I am willing to search for one he likes and go with him I just don’t exactly believe the same anymore and I do not want to lie to him. He is pushing me away and is breaking my heart. I do not believe in divorce and I consider myself one flesh with him. We have children – he doesn’t even want me to stay at home with them anymore in case I corrupt them. I do not ever speak about my different views with them, only about the love of God. Please help..

    • Admin

      Ariana:

      I apologize for taking so long to get to your comment. I don’t check this site every day.

      You are in a very difficult situation. Yes, it is understandable why he is upset with you, but according to the Bible he should be fulfilling his role to you as a husband if you are willing to stay in the marriage.

      So he is definitely wrong about that.

      But I would also be interested in finding out more about how your beliefs have changed and what led you to those changes.

      Is that something that you would be willing to share?

    • Nelson

      Ariana:

      I sympathize with your situation and I am a believer. I think you should do everything you can to save your marriage – as I believe GOD hates it when marriages fail. However, there is a difference between a failed marriage and Divorce. Ussually a failed marriage occurs when one or both parties break their marriage covenant and vows. These vows include much more that sexual fidelity… they also include honoring, respecting, cherishing, encouraging, supporting, etc.. I’m sure you can add more attributes to the list.

      Humans are not perfect and we know that GOD has made provisions for our sinful nature. Therefore when a spouse sins against their marriage covenant, if you are the other spouse then it is expected that you forgive them for the sake of the marriage. However, if a spouse willfully flouts their marriage vows with total impunity demonstrating no desire or intent to honor the vows or covenants they have made, then this is abandonment by definition.

      The scriptures allow for Divorce in cases of adultry because the bible view’s adultry as evidence of the abandonment of the marriage by the offending party.

      This becomes extremely problematic when the abandonment results in the systematic abuse of a spouse through insults, slander, and other forms of emotional abuse. It doesn’t take a believer to know that this is not the definition of a Godly marriage. It is also preposterous to believe that GOD would condone it or require a person to live in an environment in which war is being waged on them unjustifiably.

      While GOD hates divorce, I am convinced that he hates infidelity even more. You have a right to demand that your husband honor and respect you – that’s the vow that he made. If he refuses, then he is the one who is committing infidelity to the marriage and his actions demonstrate an abandonment of your marriage. Because he’s already abandoned your marriage, you really don’t have a marriage do you? Divorce is just the making official something that has already occured.

      Having said that, I hope, for your children’s sake, that you are able to work this out.

  • judith

    I have been married 3 years and my marriage has not been easy…i have left my husband once and almost got a divorce and i was pregnant at the time with our little boy…we got back together and said we were gonna try on our marriage but its back to how we use to be..we are both belivers but i see that he has somewhat forgotten about God which is the most important thing in life. im tired of the emotional and verbal abuse. i feel like God wouldnt want me to be in a relationship were i am always crying and hurting because of the verbal abuse?

    • Admin

      Judith:

      If you are being emotionally and verbally abused, then you need to get out of there. A long-term separation sounds like it could be the answer.

      Once you leave, it may be a huge wake up call for your husband. At that point, he may agree to go to counseling with you. In fact, it may cause him to turn back to God and start going to church again.

      Get out of there, but keep on praying for Him. God can change anyone.

  • Deneill

    “Well, in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 the apostle Paul instructs believers that if they have a non-Christian husband or wife, they must stay with that husband or wife if they wish to stay. However, if that non-Christian husband or wife wants to leave, the Christian spouse is supposed to allow the non-Christian spouse to leave….”

    I am the Christian and my husband has left but he has not Divorced me. What am I to do. He says hw doesn’t want the marriage anymore. Do I divorce him because he has chosen to leave or wait to let him Divorce me?

    • Admin

      Deneill:

      That is an interesting question. Does he have any intention of filing for divorce?

      Has he gone on to be with other women?

      Normally the Christian partner should not be the one filing for divorce. But if he has already left and if he has been with other women then that might be the right thing to do here.

  • Wally

    My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We have 5 wonderful children together. However, in late Oct. I was speaking to an old friend that constituted into an affair. However, once my wife had found out (in which she had been wanting a divorce since beginning of the year), she had kicked me out of the home.

    After 6 weeks of living through total darkness with the affair, the female had went back to her back and they are working their marriage out.

    It took those 6 weeks for me to actually realize how deeply in love I am with my wife.

    Since 2006 I have taken God back out of my life. While sitting here writing this, I happen to remember that when God was in our life, we were happy and joyful. But things changed and we (mainly me) stayed out of church.

    Now I am trying to let my heart back into my wife, and tell her how much I truly love her and will never do this again.

    Since then, I have been trying to put God back inot our marriage and have already started the process.

    • Admin

      Wally:

      I applaud you for turning back to God. The road you are on will be tough, and it will be important for you to never, ever give up.

      Also, repairing that bond of trust with your wife will not be easy. But keep seeking after God and keep trying to show her that your life has been really changed. Pray that she will take notice that you are not the same person that you were.

  • Liz 2

    What if I am not in love with him anymore? We went through a rough period and things were said and done that I just couldnt deal with. I still love him but am no longer in love and am not happy in the marriage. I have been unfaithful because of this but he doesnt know. And I have fallen in love with the other man. So what do I do?

  • Mary

    Please. Over years of hurting my husband emotionally. I realized that I needed some theropy. I need some words to say to my husband to convince him that this time it will work

  • Cassie

    I have been married to my childhood sweetheart for 8 years and we have 2 going to be 3 kids in may, we have been together 10 years, about 7 years ago we were driving down the road and started crying he pulled over to the side of the road and told me that he felt like God expected more from me then what he was already doing, He said if God called me to preach would I stand beside him, I said of course I would, every since then I feel like he has been running from God, He has lost all emotion, when I look into his eyes there is nothing there, he eyes just look cold, He has no emotion for me or our kids, When we go to church it’s like he really isn’t even there. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I pray often for him, but this is seriously tearing me apart, I don’t wanna lose my family but I feel like he has already made up his mind that he doesn’t want it.

    • Admin

      Cassie:

      It appears that communication has really broken down in your marriage. The first thing that you need to do is to reestablish the lines of communication.

      If that is not possible with just the two of you, it may be necessary to bring in a good Christian counselor.

      If you two don’t start talking to each other and start getting to the root of these problems then it will be very difficult to find a way to solve them.

  • Jean

    I am a Christian and have tried and tried to work at my marriage. My husband has been abusive and has “talked” to other women. I recently told him to leave after he tried to hit me again. I know I am a sinner,born a sinner. But will me divorcing him make me an adulteress, once the divorce is final and I decide to remarry. I am only 34yrs.

    • Admin

      Jean:

      You are obviously in a very tough situation. There is no excuse for him to try to hit you. If you feel as though you are in danger, than an immediate separation may be in order.

      As for divorce, that is a harder question.

      You say that he has “talked” to other women, but what does that mean? Has he had an affair with any of them?

      Without knowing the precise details of your situation, it is hard to say whether a divorce is Biblically justified or not. I would recommend seeking out one or more godly women that you trust and getting some advice from them. In any Church that really loves God there should be some women that are willing to talk with you and willing to help you out.

  • Cris

    As a Christian I feel so confused about divorce. On one side, I know that we should always work out our problems in order to save the marriage. But on the other hand, I’m so unhappy and constantly argue with my wife. This is bad both for us and our children.

    I feel as if I have to continue married and be unhappy or leave my wife and go against God’s will.

    • Admin

      Cris:

      The key is to get your relationship with God right.

      Once that is right, He will help you forgive your wife and to love her with the love that you are supposed to have.

      Please try to work things out and please don’t get a divorce.

      Michael

  • Sara

    My husband and I have been married for almost three years. We have had a lot of downs the past year and a half, and he blames me for everything that has gone wrong in his life. He’s told me that it’s “mostly my fault” and his actions have been to protect me, but I betrayed him. He even told me that God told him we should get a divorce, then maybe try to work things out. I know that is not of God, and I believe in my marriage, but my husband is adamant about the divorce. We have been separated for five months now. He basically made me leave our home and I have my own apartment now.

    What hurts me the most is that he is the one that helped me become closer to God. He’s always talked about God, the importance of going to church, and reading the Bible. But now, his attitude has changed. He told me that it’s my fault that he has a different attitude and that I need to prove to him (he’s looking for certain things for me to do/say) before we can work things out. When I ask him what those things are, he tells me that I have to figure it out myself. There hasn’t been any adultery in our marriage and we are both Christians.

    I don’t know what to do. He filed a petition for divorce back in July and as of today, he still wants a divorce. He said that he wants to “push the reset button” on his life.

    • Admin

      Sara:

      What your husband said to you is one of my pet peeves.

      So many Christians say that God “told” them to do something when He did no such thing.

      Did God talk to your husband in a dream, a vision or an audible voice?

      No.

      Instead, so many Christians get a “feeling” and then they claim that God talked to them about something.

      It makes me so angry.

      Yes, God does really audibly talk to people sometimes, but He most certainly did not tell your husband to divorce you because that would be going against the Word of God.

      I would try to get him to go to church with you and to counseling.

      Also, keep praying for Him as much as you can.

      God can do miracles.

      But also keep in mind that your husband has free will and so there is no guarantee that He will ever turn back to God.

      But keep praying and keep fighting for your marriage.

      And keep seeking God.

      Michael

    • Nelson

      Sara:

      I am glad you are trying to save your marriage. Your husband is telling you that he doesn’t feel Respected, Trusted, or Honored. I know that he is not saying those words – guys don’t know how to communicate that. I’m sure he could use counseling to learn how to better communicate with you.

      Let’s focus on your problem. Why does your husband feel that he is not Respected, not Honored, not Trusted? Are you sensitive and respectful to him in your communication? Try this…

      Say to your husband “I want to Respect, Honor, and show you that I Trust you and I want to honor our marriage. What can I change to show you that I Respect, Honor, and Trust you and that I want to be married to you?”

      Then see what he says.

  • Sally

    I have been with my husband for 26 years and we have both changed so much. We moved to NC about 7 years ago and I talked him to going back to church as a family and that I would even try his church and I did for a year and half, but I found his church to be very judgemental and was not happy there, so I explained to him why I had to get out of there and find another church, which I did and I really love it. But here is the hard part, he won’t try mine, he said it is against his religious beliefs to go to a Baptist church and be with me, we have been argueing for a long time and don’t spend any time together, he doesn’t show any affection and sometimes talks mean to me, we have two children, one in college and one at home still, I have pleaded with him and explained I want to work out our issues and make our relationship better, but he gets mad every time and says what if I ask you to change your religion, so I am confused and this has been going on so long that I have lost my feelings for him, he lets his family treat me bad, that has been going on since we met, I just don’t know what to do anymore and I feel I ask for a separation, that is going against what God wants us to do once you are married.

    • Admin

      Sally:

      Are both of you Christians?

      If so, I would recommend that you both try praying together about these things. Praying together daily has been one of the best things that my wife and I have instituted in our own marriage.

      Also, is he abusing you in any way?

      If not, then maybe a separation is not the best choice. Instead, you might want to just love him unconditionally and pray for him constantly and trust God to keep working in his heart.

      God can do miracles.

      Michael

  • Shawna archer

    Hi! I am recently divorced after 17 years of marriage. I had went to my husband and confessed to him that I wasn’t sure I truly loved him the way I should love a husband. Then months later I got a call from a man telling me that my his and was having an affair w his wife. After confronting him he said he had spent time daily talking/texting her for 6 months (this lady was also my husbands ex-wife who. Heated on him during there marriage years earlier) but that it never got physical. I told him I’d give our marriage a year and we what happened for the sake of our 4 children. I think he may have stopped talking to her in that time but nothing relly. Changed. We no longer had a physical relation at all; for almost 2 years at that point. I wasn’t happy and I couldn’t get past the fact that he spent those 6 months having a relationship w her whether it was physical or not. Does an affair have to be physical to be considered an affair?? I feel a lot of guilt because he is so sadand didn’t want our marriage to end but he didn’t do anything to try and fix it! Was I wrong to proceed w the divorce?

    • Admin

      Shawna:

      If he cheated on you, then the Bible allows you to seek a divorce.

      Our society makes light of marital infidelity, but to God it is a very, very serious thing.

      Michael

  • kashanie magee

    My husband been leaving with another woman for a year he been messing with this women for years they suppose to have a little girl I still want my marriage I know I have grounds but I want my marriage we have 5 children together

    • Admin

      Kashanie:

      You certainly have every right to battle for your marriage.

      But if he keeps cheating and cheating and cheating you will need to do something. A separation may be one solution.

      Michael

  • kashanie magee

    And he always tell me if I want a divorce I have to do it not him

  • Julie Aldana

    Julie:

    I have been married for three years now and I started off my relationship horribly by cheating on my husband (then boyfriend) none the less I knew I was wrong and after our marriage I continued my path in sin :( I ran to the same man (the father of 4 of my children) (I have 5 one with my husband) and after finally putting myself in a wonderful church, I have changed my ways… That was 13 months ago… Now the tables have turned,… He doesn’t believe in going to church nor do I know if he believes in God. Throughout this past year we congregated our marriage twice and I’m 26 years old… I don’t know what to do in this situation… I don’t want to give up on us but its such an insult because I know what he’s doing and so disrespectfully in front of me (texts, weird phone calls, passwords on electronics) I feel like that saying in the bible “Do not say, “I will repay evil.” Wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you”… But is it wrong for me to think such things about the man I married… I can’t see two wrongs making a right… I’m lost. Please help!

    • Admin

      Julie:

      Is your husband cheating on you? That was not clear to me from the comment that you posted.

      If he is not cheating or abusing you, then as a Christian you should try to work things out. But if he not willing to continue the marriage there is not anything you can do about that. The Scriptures tell us that if a Christian is married to an unbeliever and that unbeliever wants to leave that we are supposed to let them go.

      Michael

  • Cliff Winder

    Is there a term for the relationship between a man who’s divorced from his wife (who he loved dearly) who died?

    • Admin

      Cliff:

      Once an ex-wife dies, you are no longer under obligation to her.

      Michael

  • Christian

    I’m a strong believer. I’m having a marriage problem. We have 3 beautiful kids. My wife is a housewife, but has a deep anger insider her and refused to improve or see counselor. She came from a dysfunctional family; Her mom is a drug-addict, father disappeared, raised by her grandparents, spoiled her and never been disciplined. She was also brutal raped when she was young. She also drinks alcohol.

    I’ve have sat down with her and telling how much I love her and want her to get some professional help. Her anger is killing me emotionally. Its been going on for years. I’ve had it. Im not sure what I need to do in the eyes of the Lord. Should I tell her to leave the house if she refused or keep pushing her to get some help in order to improve our marriage.

    Please help!

    • Admin

      Christian:

      A separation may be necessary at some point. First though, I would try to have some heart to heart conversations with her. If that does not work, I would try to bring a pastor or a counselor to your home to try to help you two talk through things.

      The key will be to open up the lines of communication. But obviously you cannot stay in an abusive situation indefinitely.

      Michael

    • Nelson

      Christian:

      I’m glad that you are trying to do the right thing. Some people are so broken from there life experience that it is impossible for them to be in a Christian marriage. They can’t Love, Trust, Cherish, and Honor their spouse because their baggage is a weight they can’t bear. You should have taken the time to know the character of your future spouse before you married her.

      There is no right answer to your problem – no one can tell you what to do. You have to pray about it and let God work it out.

  • jim

    Hi there. my marriage has not been a perfectone. im just going to get to the meaty parts.
    My wife had an emotional affair and only that she says, i treated her like crap for a long time because of this then i had a nervous/emotional breakdown about a year ago. since then i was put on anti-depressants and went to a phsyc for councelling then both of us went. she was there throught the whole thing to support me wich was great. after a few months she suggested to go on swingers sights so i could have a threesome with another chick, then she said that if she had to she would have sex with the guy but would only enjoy it because i would be there ( WTF ). She then gave me a hall pass wich i stupidly took up one night while verry verry drunk and regret doing to this day i was severly depressed at this time in a major low slump and was confused about everything going on around me, and being on anty phsyc meds which were doing nothing for me and found out later i should not have been taking them and imediatly stopped. hence she found out and packed the kids up and left. but before she left i badly twisted my ankle and could not walk or drive for three and a half weeks in wich she looked after me till i was better then left. So she now lives 4-5 hours away and i drive up to see the kids as often as i can wich is regularly but hard as i am an on call shif worker. during our sepparation i was trying to get herback but she was up and sown constnstantlu undrestandably. i dercided during this time i just wanted her and the boys to be happy so ended it then started seeing another chick. now women arnt stupid and new just by the way i was acting i had moved on and put up a good fight to get me back cool yes verry cool. so broke things off with the other girl and now as she likes to call it we are “on the new path”. im am still confused at this point though why she wants to get back with me? She asked me to buy her a new set of rings, i said no, but i thaught there would be no harm in having a look at what she would like $2200 worth not a problem, she did not the way thay fitted on her finger so i asked how much it would cost to get the rings custom made, asked the ex/wife to put her name and number down instead of mine as she knows what she wants. bad bad did i mention bad move. argument outside shops inside shops tried to walk away but she followed me got into car still going asking her to stop and (yes she even admits after the fact she was actinc childish) then bang she hits me in the chest no dramas then bang in the head wow my four year old hits harder but she still did hit me. then we get home i say it is over she says she cant live with out me then treatens to kill herself more than once then asks for the car keys which i deny her for obvious reasons.after doning this for a few minuets she breaks down starts shaking. i try to take her to the hospital to get help but she refusees so i just do my best to calm her down, which eventually happens. i tell her to go and get som rest and to only come out when she feels settled and relaxed. she does so….. then she comes out says sorry and starts pressuring me to commiting to here again after all this…???? i asked her to come back to brisbane so i could look after her as she would be alone for two days and in this state not a good idea. ( dont worry the bou=ys are at nan and pops for the next two weeks if this happend in front of them it would be game over) she seems to be ok now but what should i do i dont want any more pain in her life or my kids and she says that she still loves me. i am not perfect and neather is she but everyon in my family including my boys need to be happy. i am lost for a solution apart from councelling or me getting a transfer to sydney or melbourne and making the decition for her final i just want us to be happy even if it means the end. wht to do??????

    • Admin

      Jim:

      Thank you for sharing all that. You must be going through a lot of pain.

      The first thing you and your wife need to do is to turn to God with all of your hearts. Without God your marriage is going to have a really hard time making it.

      If you are not a Christian yet, then you need to invite Jesus Christ into your life. For much more on how to do that, please see this article….

      http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-salvation

      Once you are on the right track with God, spend a lot of time in prayer. Perhaps your marriage will be fixed and perhaps it will not. A lot of that is also going to depend on your wife.

      But the number one key in getting your life together is to turn to God with everything that you have.

      Michael

    • Nelson

      Michael:

      I agree with admin. However, you have a bigger problem. Given what you have said, your wife probably suffers from some degree of mental instability that can be treated. There are presecription drugs such as Cymbalta that could help your wife – but they have to be prescribed by a doctor. Most doctors will put her on it – if she is willing. It could dramatically improve her functioning and you could all be much much happier. Go see your doctor and ask him/her about it.

  • Julie

    my husand has lost his way we have been together for 17 years and in the last 5 years he has kinda lost his mind a little. we have been through a lot. his dad died 5 years ago and they had a compilcated relationship and his brother got him on drugs he went into rehab several times and we found out he is bipolar also he also tried to commit suicuide a couple of times when during this time when we talked about us splitting up and all of his doctors and he himself have told me he wouldnt be here today if I had not stuck by his side like I did cause noone in his life ever did. he eventually gave his heart to the lord and we were doing good for awhile and he started to write and felt as if the lord was calling him to do something dont know if it was to preach or what but I believe he could with the writings he had. but his brother got out of jail and when he started hanging out with him to try to lead him to the lord it was just a matter of time before he backslid and now his 18 yr old daughter killed herself in oct 2011 and things are worse than ever. He is angry at God for taking her and sometime wants to die too. we have two boys at home and I keep praying that he will give his heart back to the Lord and turn back to the man I used to know and Love but its so hard to live with sometime I just cant stand it. but then again I am scared that if I leave with the boys he will feel like since he has no one left he should just go ahead and die I know the Lord doesnt want me to divorce him but I dont know what to do please pray for him and our family

    • Admin

      Julie:

      My wife and I will pray for you.

      You are in a very hard situation. When you live with someone that is self-destructive and that is running away from God it can be completely and totally draining.

      I would try to get your husband some counseling if you can. Preferably, it would be great if both of you could be involved in the counseling.

      And it would be great if you could get some godly men to come around your husband. Godly men can make a huge difference.

      Also, it will be important for you to communicate to him what is bothering you and what you want to see changed.

      Sometimes just communicating with our spouses can be one of the hardest things.

      But most of all, pray like you have never prayed before. Seek God with all of your heart and ask Him to show you what to do.

      Michael

  • Amani

    I have been married since 2003. My husband is an undocumented immigrant. I married him for the wrong reasons and was immature in my faith, but I now wholeheartely want to serve the Lord and obey his word. Over the years we have tried to get him legal status, but as of now, there are no laws that would allow this. The other big issue is that he is extremely passive. He is not an initiator at all. He basically mirrors everything I do and say. Being with him was so draining it caused me to drift in my relationship with the Lord. I am tired of being the one that initiates everything. He has never been a leader nor does he provide for our home. part of it is he can’t get much work because he is illegal. This has caused me to lose respect for him. I have to work and he just acts like everything is fine. He has never listened to me or given me any real feedback. He is completely passive and only does whatever I say to do, but there is no relationship there. For example, if I tell him something is wrong, he just sits there unresponsive or he mopes all night and causes me to feel guilty. We have separated at least 20 times, all in the hopes he will step up and participate in the marriage. I have separated each time in hopes he would have a heart change. I feel like I can’t live with the feeling that we have no future together because he refuses to change his extreme passivity. Also, that he is illegal and I will likely have to support him all our lives. I filed for divorce, but now I don’t know if I should cancel it based on what the bible says. He says he wants the marriage, but he does absolutely nothing to show he wants it or attempts to change.He simply waits on me to ask him to come home doing nothing to change or improve things during the separation. Is there any biblical grounds for me to divorce him on any of these three reasons:
    –he refuses to participate in the relationship emotionally/extremely passive. Only present physically, not any other way.
    –he is illegal
    –being with him causes me to be miserably depressed and hopeless to where i cannot serve the Lord

    Another confusing thing is that Obama just put in a law that may go into effect later this year that may make it easier for him to gain legal status. I don’t know if I should hope for a miracle and withdraw the divorce proceedings.

    • Admin

      Amani:

      Without a doubt you in an extremely difficult situation.

      But the Bible does not give us permission to divorce someone just because we are in a difficult situation.

      Is our husband a Christian? I have found that the only thing that will bring lasting, permanent changes is a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

      God can change your husband and turn him into the man that he was meant to be. But he has got to want to change.

      I would start taking him to church and I would get him involved with other godly men.

      Also, it will be important for you to communicate precisely what you want from him. Show him from the Bible what it says about what a man should be. Love him and encourage him.

      Right now he is probably pretty miserable too. But God can put the broken pieces of your lives back together if you will seek Him with all of your hearts.

      Michael

  • Amani

    Yes, my husband is a Christian, not a mature one–but a Christian. Thank you. I am planning on getting putting the divorce on hold for now. Keep praying for us.

  • Ron Toomire

    Hi, my wife of 18 years has got pregant by my brother inlaw do not know how long it had been happen however we have been trying to fix our marriage the baby is one year old now and thing dont seem tobe getting any better she blames me and i agree that some is my fault however not all but she dont agree she says she is not to blame we cant even talk without getting mad so we just dont talk and i am sure because of that she is still cheating i do love her please help

  • Naomi

    My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have been together for a total of 13 years. We have seven kids together. I met him when I was seventeen and i was not faithful to him for the 1st year we were in a relationship and I admitted it to him. I have not cheated on him the whole time we have been married, but every year he has a new woman he even left me and moved in with a woman that I considered my friend. I confided in her and she turned and told him everything he lived with her for 2 months taking care of her kids and not really coming to see ours. I was so hurt and by that I think I was more hurt by her I really loved her she was the first friend that I met since we moved to this new state six years ago. I prayed on it and we decided to get back together this was two years ago. He has had sex with different woman since because he brought home and std in 2011. Now he is hardly ever home and dealing with a new woman he told her that he is going through a divorce. I confronted the woman who and she is still calling he tells me he isn’t talking to her and I check his phone and she still is the reason why I am writing this is because it is 5 am and he is not home have not talked to him since 9 last night and he is not answering his phone. I am just tired but I don’t feel like I have the strength to leave we have been together so long I love him and my family but I am tired of him having actual relationships with other people while he has a wife and seven kids at home. Don’t really want a divorce but it seems like this is never going to stop.

    • Admin

      Naomi:

      I would definitely kick that adulterer out of the house.

      If you want a divorce, there is justification for it since he has cheated on you over and over.

      I know that it is hard to start over, but unless he turns to God there is not much hope for a guy like that.

      Michael

  • Angie

    Hi i need an advice,i need my hausband since 2003 and we dated,he was controling and say thing like he can’t take me out bcoz i wear cheap clothes i need to look good,all the times,i was always trying to impress him.i once cheated to him went out with a guy and we sleep together twice and i decided to drop it coz is wrong what happened is the condom broke while sleep with that guy,i fell pregnate think that guy impregnanted me but it was my husband i confessed to him what i did and he got angry that i was beating me everyday and he told my mam and sisters and after few month he married paid Lobola andhe continue beating me untill i was 9month my mam stopped him,he was always angry he will shout at me and tell me to do this and that at his on time.he told me he will never love like before and he would respect me,he does spent time with me he sits with her sister in her room the whole day and he spent time on the phone talking to friend i feel being used and left out and abused because he say thing with her sister that i dont like,and he shout at me in front of her younger sister.i dont if i should stay thing will change or move on.

    • Admin

      Angie:

      Without knowing more specifics, it is hard to give you some advice here.

      The first thing that you need to do to fix your life is to turn to God with all of your heart.

      And I would not stay in any situation where you are being physically abused.

      Michael

  • Gail

    In May of 2010 I lost my job of 30 years. In June of 2010 my husband told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. He reluctantly agreed to speak with our Pastor and said he still loved me but was not happy.

    In September 2010 he moved out of our home because he said he lied to the pastor–he did not love me and had not for years. Because I did not want a divorce, we agreed to a legal separation for spiritual reasons and so that I could retain my health insurance. In September 2011 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had brain surgery. By the grace of God the tumor was benign and I am recovering well.

    What I have not recovered from is the failure of my marriage. Since my husband’s leaving I have learned of several affairs that he had during our marriage. So with betrayal, abandonment and little to no communication since his leaving, I still struggle with divorce. I made a promise to God, not just to my husband. Now with my health issues, I can’t divorce or I will lose my health insurance. I have been praying for God’s guidance so I know what to do, but am still waiting for direction. Suggestions?

    • Admin

      Gail:

      That is an absolutely heartbreaking situation.

      I would try to find a way to arrange for other health insurance if you can. It is not good for you to be so dependent on him right now.

      Since he has cheated on you, that would give you justification for a divorce if that is the route you choose to go down.

      But I know that it is rough. We will be praying for you.

      Michael

  • shavon

    hi i have a question on what i should do me and my husband been married for 4 years this was my second marriage everything was good at first he cheated on me and start tell the girl everything about me i know because he told her my name and she kept sending me emails i was pregnant at the time so he started doubting that the baby was his after a few months she ended up cheating on him and so you know he came running back to me i forgave him and he promised not to do it again dont know why i believed that 6 months later he was at it again when i told him that i know about her he started to call me names and fight me 8 months later i forgave him again and soon after that i caught him flirting with other girls i told him that it wasnt ok to be talking to other women and his response was for me to get a life and the world dont revolve around me and there he was again calling me names tying to fight me and saying he hates me my problem is that i never cheated on him no matter what i did i always been a good wife i do everything i dont think he likes me or love me at all even though he says he do i tried to make it work he dont want to go to counseling or talk about our problems its like he only around until he finds someone better it got to the point where he dont care if i catch him talking to other women he’s a lair,cheater,a con artist,has a bad temper and abusive when he’s mad
    should i leave

    • Admin

      Shavon:

      From the things you have said, yes, I would at least separate from him.

      Considering all the cheating that has gone on, a divorce may be in order here. I would seek God, get some godly counseling and figure out what is best for your future.

      Michael

  • lisa

    My husband left me for another woman (only to use her because he was unhappy with me). She lives with him at my in-laws home. I’m not allowed there because of how I’ve hurt my husband in the past. I filed for divorce because of this (2yrs ago) and now going to dismiss the divorce. My husband says he never wanted a divorce n agrees he still wants this marriage. He does not trust me now and thinks I’ve got something under my sleeve. I’ve told him how I’m a believer and how God hates divorce. That’s why I’m still here and dismissing the divorce. However, the girl is still living there (because she has nowhere to go) and he comes to my home and has sex with me. He’s holding on to both of us girls for some odd reason?? He tells me he is no longer sexually active..or basically doesn’t ask her for sex…she is the initiator??? He admits to allowing the sex to happen. I get sex once a month and I have to ask for it He says its not the same kind of sex with her like it is with me??? I can’t seem to let him go because I love him and I’m beleiving in Gods word..be still and know I am God. I have forgiven both of them. I believe all this is happening for a reason and she is part of my husbands journey in life to learn n become more appreciative towards things in life..such as his marriage. I’ve offered to take her to church in an effort to help her find God. I’m working on self change because I know my husband and marriage will never change until I do and he finds God and becomes a believer. I tell my husband I get my answers from the bible. This girls feels conviction at times and calls me crying and very apologetic for breaking up my family, but stays with him because she too loves him. Other than letting go and letting God…my question to you is…should I be having sex with my husband? Rejecting him in the past is what caused us to be where we are today. He doesn’t admit to having sex with me to the girlfriend and when she asks him if he’s having sex with me, he tells her it is none of her business. When she asks me if he is having sex with me, I remind her that he is my husband and I leave it at that. So, she doesn’t know for sure if we are having sex or not and I believe that is partly why she stays. I think he is holding on to her because he doesn’t yet believe I have had a transformed heart and mind because of God. I wonder what he thinks when he sees me telling the girl about God and offering my shoulder for her to cry on when needed??? I believe God is working behind the scenes. I’m just stuck with not knowing if I should be having sex with my husband still??

    We have been married 11 years and have two children. 11 and 3. Both girls.

    • Admin

      Lisa:

      I would not have sex with your husband ever again until this other woman is out of his life 100%. The situation that you have got going right now is not healthy.

      Your husband needs to make a decision. Either he goes with you or he goes with this other woman.

      Michael

  • Deb

    Will we be forgiven for our divorce?

  • Angel

    I’ve been married for 16 years, my story I very long but will make it short. , I gave my husband what I was totally against he he been asking me for years. When I finally set up the situation it never happened He was too drunk and fell asleep so it didn’t happen curiosity got the best of me and me and the other girl went on the next morning..by far one of the most disappointing things that I have ever done and embarrassing what I did truly broke my heart. He was eventually told but what I didn’t know was that he was already cheating with this girl and because I felt bad for not giving him what he had been asking me and he let it been known that he felt cheated so I went on ahead regardless on how I felt and gave him what he wanted still not knowing that he has already been getting with this girl. After everything he held his over my head for about 10 years continuously including us having financial issues he wouldn’t let the past be the past which caused arguments non stop he continued to cheat and me I have never cheated on him besides the incident I said earlier that happened without him. He has been treating me like crap blame me for everything I felt unloved for years and spent years trying to show him that Im not that girl that hurt him before that incident he showed signs of jealousy then but I felt that if I showed him how much I loved him and adored him we would be okay. Skipping the past which was on going through the years, the present he still wanted threesomes which I stupidly granted cause I didn’t want my husband to go elsewhere. Lastl he still faults me for what I did, his relationship with the kids I felt alienated in my own house, finances were an issue and still is. He voice to me things that I have said to me throughout the years and I brushed them off because of all we were going through this last incident tipped me over and I was done. He verbally told me that he hated me I ruined his life I’m using him he can’t stand me I nevered loved him and have said some things against my kids that hurt me. He’s verbally abusive and emotionally. He has never put his hands on me until now. He pushed me really hard to the point where I almost flew over the couch and out the window then he raised up at me with his fist balled up like he was about to hit me THAT ALONE was enough for me. Last he has choked my daughter and our son and the very last thing which was done while we are in counselling he attempted to run us into a tree but didn’t anyway it’s getting really uncomfortable I don’t wanna be married anymore I was done a year ago and I don’t love him I care for him and I’m thinking of my children as well I talked to our counsellor and she said wait til after she has had her session with him and has promised that he will not do it again she is a pastor my thing is that Im not sure if I even wanna wait my question to you is what do u feel should be done? I know for a fact through my life experiences with being hurt by others that Im never the same I can forgive but the closeness is gone.

    • Admin

      Angel:

      The first thing you need to do is to get yourself and your children out of that abusive situation.

      Secondly, since he has cheated on you repeatedly you do have justification to divorce him if that is what you want to do.

      My wife and I will be praying for you and for everyone else that has been posting on this article.

      Michael

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com Jacqui

    May husband of 20+ yrs has left me! I filed for divorced. I sometimes feel guilty and want to stop the proceedings. He had an affair,and contracted a STD. He’s very ill now and wants to come back home. I really don’t want him back but I want God’s will to be done in this situation. Please help!

    • Admin

      Jacqui:

      If he had an affair, that is Biblical justification for a divorce.

      Just because he is begging you now does not mean that you have to take him back.

      I would pray about this and I would seek godly advice from someone that you trust.

      Michael

  • jack

    Is there a time frame for divorce justification?

    If a women cheats on her husband but they stay together, can he use this instance to divorce in the future?

  • Amanda loves J.P.

    Hi, My husband had cheated on me several times during our seven year marriage. He has been very neglectful to our two sons and me. He has been “seeing” (having relations) with another woman for about two years now. He still lives at home, and we live our lives basically side by side. We sleep in seperate rooms, and he comes and goes as he pleases leaving me to care for the children alone. He does small things for me though that make me feel he still cares. He Buys me presents and hugs me sometimes. We have relations about once every two months, but it isn’t what I would call making love. He is now saying that he is leaving, because I yelled at him that I couldn’t live like this anymore and that he needed to leave or change. That happened two days ago. The question is am I crazy for still loving him? Would it be wrong for me to continue to wait for him and pray for him to change. I love him so much. He is so special to me.

    • Admin

      Amanda:

      It is not wrong for you to still love him.

      The truth is that God can change anyone.

      If you want to fight for your marriage, I would encourage you to start praying for him like crazy and to try to get him to church if you can.

      He needs Jesus in his life more than anything else.

      Michael

  • rosy

    I just wish to know when a woman has divorced and wants to remarry again, the truth is that he was faithful to her, she says that a pastor who wish to marry her, will christian woman can do this.

  • Michelle

    I have been married for 14 years, our relationship has been strained for at least 10 years but we’ve managed to remain civil enough to raise our children. I have had my suspicions of infidelity (including secret emails that ive discovered but he’s claimed the woman and he were just “friends”). Since then I’ve learned that he is heavily into online pornography including web cams, chats, and has accounts set up on multiple “swinger” websites. We had separated for about a year and a half, he’s been back for a year…our relationship hasn’t changed much but I thought the online stuff had ended…but it hasn’t. He just got better at hiding it. Is this considered infidelity? everyone I know is urging me to divorce him but my belief in God is holding me back. I do not love him or even like him…but I am fearful of doing the wrong thing in the eyes of the lord. He will not discuss any of this with me. If I bring it up he just leaves or hangs up the phone. I’ve always been just an afterthought to him, he’s never “cleaved” to me and our family…his alliance is to his family (parents and siblings) and as long as I don’t complain things are good, otherwise he treats me poorly. Even on our wedding night he stayed up all night with his siblings while I went to bed alone!!! Help…

    • Admin

      Yes, all of that online stuff would be considered infidelity and would be grounds for divorce.

      But that does not mean that you must divorce him.

      I would seek God in prayer and try to discern His will for this situation.

      Also, get as much godly advice as you can from people that know you.

      Michael

  • lu

    What if your husband has been physically abusive and mentally abusive…should you get a divorce?

    • Admin

      lu:

      Without more specifics that is hard to say.

      But you should never stay in a home where you are being physically abused on a regular basis.

      Michael

  • Monica

    Hello,

    I got married when I was 20 years old because I was pregnant. I was a Christian and he was not (although he grew up in the church). We subsequently separated and divorced in 1996 (he divorced me). He remarried and has a new family. I eventually remarried in 2005 to a man that was a good friend of mine. He cheated on me with two women. I left him in December of 2006 and divorced him in 2008. He was not Christian either. Am I free to remarry since neither were Christians? I am now dating a man that is a Christian and we want to get married some day. Or am I just made to live the rest of my days on earth as a single woman according to the word of God?

    Please help I am so confused!

    • Admin

      Monica:

      The men from your two previous marriages have gone on to be with other women, so I believe that would clear the way for you to remarry.

      If you have any more questions about this please post them here.

      Michael

  • Vince

    I have a question:

    Several years ago (in March of 2007) I married a woman out of haste, after only knowing her for 3 months and I was serving in the military at the time. I believed in Jesus, but I most definitely was not a Christian in any way whatsoever at that time, and neither was she. I was constantly having to leave to serve on tours overseas and was gone all of the time. It didn’t take long at all before our differences became very apparent. She retaliated against me at every possible angle and every moment when I came home. Fights grew over time, and eventually I discovered that she had committed adultery sometime in 2008. Things got worse and she actually got to the point where she was hurting me and attacking me physically in front of our son, as well as being intentionally destructive to me emotionally saying the most hateful of words constantly. Unfortunately, I eventually also had an infidelity later with a woman I’d truly been in love with since I was 19 years old, and this woman was going through the EXACT same things I was going through – same scenario, married a cheating and abusive person. My wife and I both separated and were eventually divorced, and this other woman eventually on her own got separated and divorced. Both of them also were not Christians.

    Since then and much later after the divorce, I began speaking with the woman I’d been in love with for so long…and over time we fell hopelessly in love with each other, an inseparable bond to say the least. We complete each other in every way, and to make it better – we both have individually given our lives to Christ, and have been growing and studying His word together…wishing to live a humble life in servitude of our Savior.

    Question:
    Under the scenario I just gave, would Jesus accept me marrying this woman? We are both very eager to be married to each other, as we know we could never be with anyone else, nor could we really be the same without each other.

    I thank you for any help you can give me in this endeavor. May God bless you.

    • Admin

      Vince:

      It sounds like both of you came from marriages where the other partner committed adultery, so yes, you both would be free to remarry.

      However, be sure to seek God and put Him first in your new marriage so that you two don’t repeat the mistakes of the past.

      Michael

  • Heather

    Hello, I really need some advice. I have been married less than a year and I am currently pregnant with a son. I found out that my husband who is 31 not had a sexual relationship with at 13 year old girl when he was 28. I have a 7 year old daughter as well and I am so devistated, disgusted, mad and hurt. Every emotion is running through me. I have kicked him out of the home and I am filing for divorce. I was sexually abused when I was younger and I am very passionate about the subject and he knew all of this. The girl is now only 16 and her boyfriend found out and was e-mailing me trying to tell me and my husband was going into my account and deleting them before I seen them. This would of all came out before the wedding if I would of seen the e-mails and there would be no need for divorce and to have my unborn child suffer because of it. I have been lied to over and over about the situation until I had to speak with the girl and get the whole story from her and when I showed him the proof and facts he admited to it all. He knew she was 13 the whole time and have a sexual relationship with her for over a month before he was relocated here to my state for work. So if he wasn’t relocated then who knows how long it could of gone on. I dont feel God would want me to stay with someone like this… I really don’t. opinions and thoughts please…I can’t find anything in the bible that covers this.

  • Chrissy

    I just recently went through a divorce. My husband and I were married for 4 yrs we are both christians. This was our second marriage, our divorces were due to infidelity from our exs. We both made a vow that the next time we became married we would not marry unless it was a Godly marriage. We both prayed for this and sought the Lord before we got married and heard from the Lord. We had no sexual intimacy until we married. Every thing seemed grand like it was Gods perfect plan. We had ups and downs but nothing that would warrant a divorce. My husband came to me one day stating he wanted out of the relationship and felt like he didn’t hear from the Lord after all and just wanted to move on with his life. 4 months later he was with another woman. We separated for a 1 1/2 he filled for a non contested divorce and it was finalized 4 months ago. I have been praying for restoration despite this I cant fathom why could would condone his actions. However my christian friends and family always quote the scripture to me “if a unbeliever departs then let him go;God has called u to peace” is this true if he still states he is a christian?

    • Admin

      Chrissy:

      That scripture does not apply if he is a Christian, but the fact that he has committed adultery would free you up to remarry if that is the path that you choose.

      Michael

  • anjl

    I have been reading some of the above situations, and I have a similar one to Amani. I have been married now for a little over three months now. I feel that I got married for the wrong reasons. I feel that I got married only because I was living with a man, and he was making things a little easier for me financially, (not much) I married him because I didn’t want to live in sin, but I don’t think that I was truly ready. Also, when I said my wedding vows, I said that I would try my best, I didn’t promise anything. I said that I would trust God to let me commit to this man, but he has no job, and has caused me all sorts of financial, problems and other problems, because he doesn’t have much common sense. We also have very different hygiene standards. I had just recently been through some major tragedies, in the past year and a half. My mother and father died, and other serious problems have also happened. So I don’t think that I was in my right state of mind when I rushed this marriage thing. I’m not sure that this is the man I am willing to spend the rest of my life with. If I get a divorce, will God forgive me and can I ever be happy with someone else who is better suited for me?

    • Admin

      anjl:

      Now that you have married this man, it is up to you to make it work.

      Yes, he is far from perfect, but that is the case with any of us.

      I would encourage you two to go to church and to seek God daily.

      God can work a miracle in both of your lives if you will follow after Him.

      Without God, your life will always be unhappy.

      Michael

  • Yvonne

    Iam common law married for 10yrs with 2 children my spouse left me for another women and is having a baby with her now i tried to reconcile will I be commenting adultery for asking for a divorce and could I get remarried the right way if I chose to marry a Christian and follow God’s path?
    I don’t know what to do I want my children to be blessed iam desperate for prayers!

    • Admin

      Yvonne:

      According to the Bible, if your husband committed adultery you are free to remarry.

      Michael

  • Nsmx1

    I hope someone can give me some advice. I was married for 2 years, I got married as a teenager after high school. We got divorced because he would not work and became an alcoholic and we both lived with his parents and lived off of my measly paychecks. I know this is probably no reason in God’s eyes for divorce but at the time I just wanted out of there. He did not try to stop me. I got remarried later to someone whom I love very much and we are expecting our first baby. At the time I had no clue that it says it was considered adultery for me and the man I am with to be married. I read online people say to be forgiven I need to divorce my current husband. Is this what God wants? I feel inside like this is as bad as divorcing my first husband, if not even worse now because we have a baby to take care of. I am terrified of being the cause of my husband’s downfall with God if he is living an adulterous life because of me. I don’t know what to do. Will God forgive us both? Can we stay married and still be blessed by God? Or are we doomed to hell if we stay married? I would have never done any of this had I known. I am deeply distraught right now about all of this. It’s to the point where I am starting to feel like I just want to end it all. Please, help?

    • Admin

      Nsmx1:

      Please do not get divorced and please do not end it all.

      You can’t change the fact that you got married. But you can change how you live from now on.

      Make this current marriage the most godly marriage that you can. Even though your past was a mess, God can take those broken pieces and make them a beautiful thing.

      If you have more questions please leave them here.

      Michael

  • tiffy

    I have been married for 3 years now my husband is saying god say we must divorce can this be true

    • Admin

      Tiffy:

      Why is he saying that you guys should divorce?

      And no, God is not saying that to him.

      Michael

  • Ms S

    I need someone to help me with this guilt and regret. I feel in love with my first boyfriend in college, I was so in love, he was evrything I had wanted in a husband since I was a little girl. (handsome, smart, military officer, college graduate) In college we broke up for awhile, but I never gave up on us and we married after he graduated from college. We traveled to whereever the military wanted us to go and I loved it. I was a good housewife and we had a lot of fun. After 4 years of marriage, we got pregnant and both were very excited. I have a chronic disease and many problems with my health. After 31 weeks of pregnancy, the baby was in trouble, our baby was born by C section. He lived a day and a half and his death tore us apart. He admitted to me that the death of our baby was my fault. Very hurtful!! I wanted a child so bad, so we applied for adoption. two years later, we were blessed with a beautiful baby. our baby was a year old and the military sent him overseas for a year without his family. When he returned I felt like things had changed. After 15 years of marriage and our child was 9 yrs old, he was working two jobs, one night and one day job. He would work his night job and then go out to the bars after work. I would be in bed by the time he came home. I was very lonely. I started talking to people online, mostly men. I am not sure why I flirted online and begain talking more and more online then I should have. I lost my mine somewhere along the line. I loved my life, I loved my husband and I loved being a housewife/mom. one day I waslooking at the bills and the cellphone bill had numbers on it I didn’t recognize, but he was a salesman by day. But when the calls were made at 3:00 in the morning and other unusual times I got suspicious. I confronted him that evening and he denied, denied, denied any and all of it. I called the number, right in front of him, and asked the woman if she knew my husband (used his name) she said “Yes, who is ths?” I told her “It didn’t matter”. He then admitted to knowing her… I was hysterical, crying and hurt and angry…many differnet emotions. TRUST, what is trust if you can believe in your traveling salesman husband. I feel like my feeling took hold and I wanted to be loved, held, and told everything would be OK. I never got any of that, I was told by my husabnd that he still “cared” for me and our child. He Cared!!!
    I began a serious emotional affair online and I hate myself. I don’t even know who I was and where was this wife/mom that loved her life. I was/am a Christian and he was raised in a very religious family and I thought he was a Christian. We never really talked about being a Christian or not, I guess we both assumed we were. We went to counseling and it was an emotional drain. Stress not good for chronic illness. He was the only man I had ever loved, we had a history, we had shared hard times, our first child had died. I could not trust him. He would leave Monday morning and be out of town for a couple of days. Where was he? Who was he with? He would tell me where he was going, but could I trust him. We divorced 6 months later. Bad Idea, I didn’t feel I could live with my traveling husband and feeling lonely and unloved. I have regretted that choice for 11 years now. He has since remarried. Three years ago I had a hysterectomy because of cervical cancer. The pre-cancer had been going on for about 9 years. I don’t know for sure, with my immune system compromised, whether he gave me HPV or not. That hurts, but I can’t seem to forgive myself for jumping into the divorce and ruining my “dream” life. I have asked God somany times to forgive me and take this guilty feeling away. I am now unable to work, very limited income, raising a beautiful smart college student, and very depressed. I think sometimes that I ruined mine and my child’s life. what can I do to help my feelings and to know whether I did what was best for everybody. Please help me and pray for us.

    • Admin

      Ms. S:

      My heart breaks when I read a story like that. I can’t even imagine the pain that you have been through.

      Even though you have been through a nightmare, that doesn’t mean that the rest of your life is ruined.

      Yes, you will never go back to your old life, but you also have to understand that you can have a great new life ahead of you.

      I would encourage you to seek God with all your heart, to give yourself permission to heal emotionally and to start focusing on how you can make the rest of your life the best part of your life.

      Michael

  • dee2011

    Okay, i totally agree with everything you have posted regarding this. I do whoever have a question. Biblically, what should a married woman do if her husband refuses to move in with her? We share a son and each have a child from a previous relationship and he lives with his mother. I am completely unhappy and humiliated that he would rather live with his mother than to bring our family together, he refuses me a date for when he will do this so am waiting in the air basically and this subject cannot be touched at all. We got married, dont live together and he doesnt wear a wedding ring and questions my loyalty. At that point what would be the biblical thing to do?

    • Admin

      That is a very serious situation.

      Is he a Christian? If so, I would try to get a pastor or a counselor involved.

      If he is not a Christian, that is going to make things a lot more challenging.

      If he is not living with you or even spending time with you, there is probably a good chance that he is involved with another women. This is something you also need to find out.

      If he is cheating on you, that would be grounds for divorce.

      If he is just being an idiot, my advice would be to try to get him into counseling and to pray for him as much as you can.

      Michael

  • Michele

    My husband and I are both professing Christians. After two years of marriage he left me and says that he is not coming back and I will be receiving papers.

    If i don’t sign the papers it will delay the divorce, but i don’t think it will stop it in the state of SC.

    If he divorces me where do I stand biblicaly with the LORD?

    • Admin

      Michele:

      Unfortunately, you can’t stop him from divorcing you.

      If he divorces you and moves on to other women, that is basically the same as if he cheated on you.

      In that case you would be free to move on and remarry yourself.

  • Maria

    I have been with my husband for the past 15 years and 1 year ago we became Christians. It has been confusing becuase both of us were previously married to other peoples. Now we do not know if our marriage is wrong or right in the eyes of the LORD. We have tried not having relations, but that is not working. I know that both of us were not faithful to our previous spouses. Our pastor always has message about adulters (person in second marriages) not being able to enter the kingdom of God. I just pray that the Lord have mercy on us and help us through this. we still have two younger children at home to raise.

    • Admin

      Maria:

      You can’t go back and change the fact that you got married.

      Now that you are married, you both should be fulfilling your marital duties to each other and trying to make your marriage work the best that you can.

      • Danielle

        Maria, the past is the past and if you have accepted Christ you are forgiven of that, do not worry about it, the Lord Himself says, “do not worry about anything” philippians 4:6, you, your husband and your past are covered by the Grace of God, the blood of Christ, the Lord loves you, He looks down and is pleased with what you are doing. Be faithful in this marriage and the Lord will bless it :)

    • Nelson

      Maria:

      As long as you are faithful to your existing marriage vows since you became christian, then the Lord will be in your marriage. Anybody who tells you otherwise is using an extremely narrow view of the bible and you should leave that church.

      Even if you had cheated since becomming Christian, Jesus will forgive that sin and make you whole if you forsake the cheating. A church that doesn’t accept the forgiveness of Jesus is not a place where you are going to be at peace. In addition, there are many Christian churches founded in biblical teaching where you can find a home and be at peace.

  • Meranda

    I am glad this site can be a refuge of information for anyone who finds their marriage in trouble.

    I came across some spectacular information that I want to share, since many people come here for answers.

    In the last month we have stumbled upon several videos with authors speaking about the power of blessing. BECAUSE we were astounded seeing one show after another, we decided to give it a shot, and I have to say I have NEVER seen more ANSWERS to prayer than ever in our lives.

    The First Video we watched was Kerry Kirkwood on Sid Roth. He explained that asking through prayer in Yeshuas (Jesus’s) name to bless someone is basically asking for Gods perfect will to be played out in their lives.

    So what does God want out of a believer? We know Galatians 5:22-23 the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. So we should excel in all areas.

    In otherwords if you are a Christian, fruit should show in your life.

    When we ask God to Bless someone, we are asking Gods perfect desire to come forth in that persons life.

    Though we have learned through these teachings that we can ask God to bless our employeers, our neighbours, our bodies, specific body parts. I am sure many people who have cancer, can ask God to bless that region of their body.

    Like I said, we have never seen more answers to prayer than this.

    Ask God to BLESS your significant other. Bless them in the morning, and before you go to bed, and through the day time, and see what happens.

    If your husband or wife has done you wrong, BLESS them anyhow! Bless them, and Let God handle all the work that needs to be done in their life.

    Ask God to Bless your own life! God wants the very best for his children.

    Below are some of the videos we have collected on the subject.

    Kerry Kirkwood with Sid Roth – The Power of Blessing
    http://youtu.be/_AFfLtUk5T8

    Since Michael and I have started asking GOD to bless particular people, we have seen so many answers to prayer.

    It is amazing!!! Unemployed people who write into his blog, we pray that God would BLESS them, and they report back saying they have jobs!

    Bill Ligon with Sid Roth – Imparting Blessing
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2335TH666l8

    Cindy Trimm with Sid Roth – Command Your Morning
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjxGcPxGi9A

    Have you ever heard the phrase, “what you don’t know won’t hurt you” WELL, here Cindy tells us what we don’t KNOW WILL hurt us!

    THE words we speak are put into play. WHAT are we saying?

    Are we cursing ourselves?

    She tells of a situation where a man said that he would give his arm and leg to see a cure for his daughter’s health problems. He got into an accident months or years ?? down the road and lost his arm and leg, and 6 months later, they found a cure for his daughter.

    If you have a sore back, ask GOD to BLESS your back.

    If you are having troubles with something, ASK the almighty to BLESS it!

    The most important thing to know from this video is we can ask GOD to reverse these curses we have brought on ourselves, simply by asking him.

    Listen to this testimony, and ask God to BLESS you, your business, your employer, your family and your friends, and your spouse, AND SEE What the ALMIGHY can do!

  • Melissa Kjormoe

    Though yes, the sin was committed, Our God is a forgiving God and when forgiveness is asked of the Lord and the sin is no longer being committed, know you are forgiven :) You are under Gods Amazing grace!

  • Katherine

    I am so unhappy in my marriage. we’re going to try seperation. I’m a strong believer in the Bible and he’s not. I want to be healthy and follow through with it he distracts me and wants to do what he wants to. He loves money and power and I’m not for that. we are just not happy. I’ve actually checked out my marriage, I’m just not happy.

    • Admin

      Katherine:

      Good for you for trying a separation first rather than heading straight for divorce.

      In the Scriptures it tells us that we are to allow the unbelieving spouse to stay if they want to stay in the marriage.

      Does your husband still want to be in the marriage or does he want to end it?

      Michael

    • Christina

      I just want to say to you Katherine that I am on this website with tears in my eyes for the exact same issue that you have.
      It is so difficult to know what to do in this situation. I married my husband during a time when I wasn’t practicing my faith…during a very low point in my life… I have since returned to my faith and now feel stuck in a very unhappy marriage. All I want to do is what is right and good according to God’s word. My husband seems to have no interest in what I believe in and everyday is a struggle and I feel very alone when it comes to my marriage. I have given all of this to God because its all too much for me. I chose “my way” when I married a non believer so all I can do at this point is believe that I have been forgiven and ask God to guide me from this day forward. He is my comfort and he will be yours as well. I know how difficult it is when someone is constantly distracting you from being on the right path. The more you look toward God, the less distracting that person will be. keep your eyes on the Lord and he will handle the rest.

  • Renee

    I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years. When I say almost, because our anniversary is in a week. I am a believer and a Christian,now my husband on the other hand I have no idea if he is or not. I know he got saved, but as far as praying to God, leading our marriage as God will have it….NO. So with that being said we have quite a lot of confrontations, because just about everything he does is not of God and His Word. And it really irritates me to the point that I feel like we are unequally yolked.

    With that being said we had an argument over a cell phone. I just had to laugh typing that. But with this fight he has decided to leave me and divorce.He have said some things to me that I am very ashamed to repeat or tell strangers. And I know that’s not coming from a Christ like heart.He puts any and everyone before me, especially his family. It’s like I’m married but alone at the same time.I love this man dearly and now that he moved out I have no idea what to do.

    It’s like I know that he is afraid of making God is Lord and Savior. I know this because the Holy Spirit told me that one time. Hence the reason why he chooses to speak ignorantly about anything of the Bible. Or use the bible when it is suiting to him.This man packed everything that he could possibly owned and got a UHAUL truck and left. Everything but his Bible of course…lol. I know divorce isn’t the answer but I think that for me, when I got married I didn’t talk to God about this life changing decision. I just got married. And I feel like because I didn’t ask my Father, all these things are just happening to me.

    I know that there would be ups and downs, trials and tribulations. But I do believe if you’re NOT married to the person who God himself designed for you, the outcome would be different. Just would like for you guys to keep me in your prayers. I ask God to give me the strength to make it through this difficult time and to help me renew my mind everyday.

    Because when a person has hurt you, you tend to one to get them back. And I’ve tried to, and that’s not good. I ALWAYS fail at it. But most importantly please keep my husband in your prayers, and that God have mercy on him.When you don’t the Word of God, you tend to rely on your own understanding and your feelings. And that’s my husband.

    • Admin

      Renee:

      It breaks my heart to read stories such as yours. But don’t give up. The very best chapters of your life can still be ahead.

      As far as your husband goes, you are not going to be able to prevent him from leaving you or divorcing you if that is what he really wants to do.

      If you still feel like you should fight for your marriage, then pray like you have never prayed before.

      But if your husband moves on to another woman and goes through with the divorce, you will have to make some decisions.

      Usually when a husband moves out like this, there is another woman involved. If he breaks faith with you and goes on to another woman, that would mean that he has cheated on you and remarriage would be a future option for you.

      But this time be sure to only pick a strong Christian man. That may mean waiting for a bit, but the wait for a godly marriage is definitely worth it!

      Michael

  • Lee

    I found this site while looking for answers to many of my questions I have had over the past 15 years. I met my wife when I was young and fell in love with her. She was not a Christian while I was and lived in a very bad home. As we dated she would say things that made me question her past. When I would question her about these things she would say that they were no big deal and leave it at that. I found out that while we were dating she was seeing other guys. I confronted her about this and she said that she was sorry and would not do it anymore. Like a young fool I forgave her and moved on. I rationalized my decisions from what I had learned in church about what I thought forgiveness was and that she came from a bad home and did not know any better. What I did not know was that she was doing inappropriate things with them and I did not find out about this until after we were married when others told me of the events. When I questioned her about the actions she simply stated that she had not really done anything and as long as she did not have sex with them everything else was okay and that it did not matter as we were not married then and that we were just boyfriend and girlfriend. After a year of dating we married and then I began to have doubts of her truthfulness with me and her love for me. Her family life was so bad that I attempted to take her to Mexico to marry her and this did not work out. I had an arrest warrant out for me and I called a friend who knew of the warrant and I told him that I would just have to come home and face what was coming to me as she was under 18 and I had just turned 18 and had taken her to protect her. I loved her so much that I did not care if I had to go to prison as long as she was safe. We drove back from Mexico and I dropped her off at her grandparents house. I went to where her mother and step father (who was abusing her) were living and was going to kill him for what he had done to her and her sister. In the attempt her mother got between her step dad and myself and begged me not to do it and asked what could be done to stop my anger towards him. I told her that I wanted the girls to be safe and not to be hurt anymore and that he was to stay away from them for whatever time he had on this earth. She asked me if I wanted to marry my wife and I told her I did. She told me that if I would not hurt him and pay all of her current and past bills that she would drop the charges against me and sign a marriage certificate. I happily agreed and left with her and warned him that if he ever got near either one of them again I would be coming for him. Her mother and I went to her grandparents house and picked her up and went to the courthouse. We were married that day and I was the happiest I had ever been. I had a rough childhood and came from an abusive home myself. I had worked since the age of 12 and had never loved or had anyone love me. I worked hard and learned to rely on God and myself only. I trusted no one and was always on guard with everyone. I was asked on dates by girls and would always ask them why they wanted to date me and if they truly cared and if they thought they may want a long term relationship if all worked out. All said no so I would turn them down as I told them I did not want to waist my time or theirs if they could not one day truly love me for me. Most were just looking for a good time of someone to cling to. I had sworn to keep myself clean and pure for the one I would marry and did so. Finding someone I could trust and who would love me had been my life’s dream from as long as I could remember. That is the only thing that kept me from taking my own life at times. After we were married she avoided me and did not want to have any type of relations with me at all. If we did have relations she was unattached and not there. At times I felt as if I were raping her or doing something wrong. But she would always say that it was fine that she just wasn’t in it right now. This hurt me deeply as I loved her and thought she loved me. This went on for months until I finally stopped having anything to do with her at all. She seemed to be content other than she always wanted me to pay attention to her as a daughter would a father. I asked her why she had married me at all if all she wanted was a friend to help her. I told her that if she did not want to marry me that I would still have been her friend and did what I did and tried to keep her and her sister safe. She would then tell me that she wanted to be with me and then at the same time she did not. I could not understand this. I then began to find out that she had relations with numerous other guys before we married and when I confronted her she lied to me. I grew bitter and enraged. We fought constantly and I attempted to leave and she threw herself at my feet and cried and begged me to stay. I stayed. For years we fought about her past and little by little she revealed most of what she had done. I was hurt to the core of my heart as I could not understand how she could give herself to a guy who only wanted one thing from her and then would leave. Then to me she would not even give me honesty or love of any kind. I did not want payment for the things I had done for her but I at least expected her to love me. Through all this time she would tell me some truth and act as if she loved me and due to this we now have kids. I forgave her unknown numbers of times for what she had done and only asked her for her honesty, loyalty, and love. And just when I would become happy again I would catch her with another guy talking alone or talking to one of the guys she had previously been with. Over all of these years I have tried to keep the vow of marriage I took before God. I have forgiven only to be hit with another slap in the face. My health is failing due to all of the hard labor I have done over my life and the stresses of dealing with this relationship. We fight constantly and our children are very smart and I know they know what is happening. I do not want this to go on any longer for my kids sake and I can not handle this anymore physically or emotionally. For the past year she has tried to be the model wife and tells me that she is changed and that she is no longer lying to me or doing anything wrong. But she has been home for this year and not had opportunity to “mess up”. She says that she became a Christian in our first year of marriage and that I just needed to give her time to come around. I do not know what to do. This situation is driving me mad and I am torn between leaving and staying. I want to do what is right in the sight of God. For I know this life is short and the next is eternal. Should I just endure the pain and believe her as I have so many times before? Or should I move on? I have prayed for years for an answer from God but either non has come yet or I was to blind to see His answer. I see the pain in my kids eyes and wonder what I can do to make things right if that is possible at all. I know they need their dad at home and need me to guide them to being good people. She has stated that I need to decide what we will do as she is getting older and that it is not easy for an older woman to find someone. To me this is telling me that she does not care or she is trying to hurt me. I myself have come to the conclusion that if we do divorce my hopes of finding that one special person are gone as God will hold me accountable if I marry another and I would rather be alone than to cause myself anymore problems with God. And I can not ask someone to accept me when I have already given all of the precious gifts I was to give to my partner away. They are gone forever and can not be regained. In all honesty I believe that God just intends some people to spend their life without knowing that one special person. Perhaps He desires me to be close to Him and does not want anyone else in the way. I have fallen back on loving my kids and giving them all I can and trying to build a future for them. I constantly instruct them in what they should look for in a person and what to avoid. My greatest hope is that they find what I could not. So what do you think? Should I stay and tough it out for my kids until they grow old enough to leave or should I leave now? I know that no one but God has the right and true answer but perhaps I have tried to deal with this on my own for too long and need some help. Perhaps that is why He has not given me a clear answer?

    • Admin

      It sounds like she has tried to make a change for the positive over the past year.

      If she has stopped running around, why not give your marriage a chance to work?

      My recommendation would be to go to church every week with your entire family, start praying together with your wife every single day and commit your marriage to God.

      Those things will do wonders.

      God can chance the heart of anyone, and if both you and your wife will seek after Him with all of your hearts, wonderful things can truly happen.

      Michael

  • Beth

    I have a comment for Maria. Bless your heart, Sister. Welcome to the family! Praise God you AND your husband got saved at just the right time. God brought you out of “darkness” into HIS marvelous LIGHT! I want to assure you, precious that when you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, YOU BECAME A NEW CREATION, OLD THINGS PASS AWAY ALLLLLL THINGS ARE NEW! God say’s he forgave all your sins from your previous life, if you confess them to Him and repent. You have now made a Blood Covenant with your husband, YES, you blew it the first time, but God delivered you from that mistake. You need NOT WORRY that you are living in sin as God wants you to keep this Covenant, the old one is long broken and you are to stay in this marriage and serve your husband as unto Christ Jesus.

    I echo what someone else mentioned, your in the wrong church… First off God says in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 that YOU ARE NOT TO RETURN TO YOUR PREVIOUS SPOUSE IF YOUR CURRENT SPOUSE/HUSBAND PUTS YOU OUT. So there… God is a merciful-forgiving-loving- Father. Yes, He hates sin, and we are to GO AND SIN NO MORE, but we are NOT to live defeated, condemnded lives, that’s what Satan wants us to be, defeated. “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” You will know the truth, my sister, and you will be free. God bless you and your husband. God sees you as one flesh. Man breaks covenant, and God knows that. He warns us sternly to obey His Word, but how can you obey something you never knew? Eat God’s Word for yourself, daily. Jesus said, “Man cannot live by bread alone.” He is our daily bread.

    Hope this blesses you. All my love in Him alone.

    Beth

  • Amanda

    I am confused about something scripture only specifies infidelity or being unequally yoked because back in those days it was considered acceptable to be abusive to your spouse, “disciplining” your wife meanr beating her if she did something wrong. slightly barbaric time in human history. so it follows, that is I have an abusive husband I have to stay with him? what is the bible say about living with an abusive spouse

  • UNKNOWN

    I have been married going on 2years in april. I was happy in the beggining but when i learned the truth about what really happened when we was engaged I wanted out like really. I must say i do have regrets depply. It was a trip he was a divorced male whose ex wife had cheated on him from the beggining and really didnt love him I tried to be different b/c i wasnt like that anyway. come to find out as soon as she knew i was in the picture she started coming back to church and everything the (PART THAT GOT ME IS THAT HE WOULDNT SHOW ME AFFECTION IN FRONT OF HER) CLAIMING HE DIDNT WANNA HURT HER FEELINGS LIKE REALLY I guess that was my RED flag to run the other way but no my heart and mind was set on being with him(IDK WHY) while i was in the other room sleep he had her in the back room doing u knw what that was so wrong until this day my trust fator with him is like somewhat im always going where he go calling when he go somewhere alone and just going crazy I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS THE LIFE GOD WANTS FOR ME I BELIEVE THAT EVEN IF I GET A DIVORCE I CAN LIVE FOR GOD AND DO WHAT RIGHT IM WAITING ON A ANSWER FROM HIM IN SINCERITY THIS IS MY 1ST MARRIAGE AND I AM 26 GOT MARRIED AT 24 HE IS 35 I TRY MY BEST I WOULD SAY TO BE LOVING BUT ALL I GET IS NON LOVE TREATED LIKE A CHILD. I HAVE SO MANY EMOTIONS BUILT UP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY SOMETIMES I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF.

  • Abby

    I am uncertain if the relationship I’m involved in would be considered acceptable in the eyes of God. The man I love is a faithful Christian, in every sense, and to the best of his ability. Many years ago, while he was out of the country (military), his then wife had an affair. He told me they divorced, but only after much work to try to save their marriage. He told me he didn’t think her affair had been consummated (perhaps purely an emotional infidelity), yet the marriage still ended (I’m assuming because of issues related to trust). His ex-wife is a Christian woman, she just made a mistake (as do we all, at times).

    My worry is, was adultery actually commited? Is he free to be with me? Am I wrong to love him so much? I want God’s blessing in our life, but realize that will never be if our relationship is wrong. I could never put him at odds with God because of my love for him, nor can I live with knowingly and deliberately going against God’s wishes. Please help, because I can’t see anything clearly right now, and this is breaking my heart.

    • Admin

      Abby:

      Without knowing more, I would say that adultery was probably committed in that case and therefore you are free to marry the Christian man that you love.

      But if this still troubles you I would seek counseling for a good Christian pastor or counselor.

      Michael

  • Abby

    Thank you so much for the reply! I was so worried I was possibly doing something wrong! All I know is what he has told me, and all he has said is that she had an emotional affair (he is fairly certain it never went physical). He tried for several years to save their marriage, but it eventually fell apart. The only other thing he told me was he did not want her to be humiliated in front of friends/family for the reason for their divorce (the only reason allowable being adultery); he abruptly finished his comment with “I’m the one who gets to look like the cold-hearted bastard”. I don’t know what he meant by that, but also didn’t feel like I should ask him…as that type of comment is out of his character.

    But he does care for her financially, even now. As well as lives close by her, plus attends the same church (he’s a deacon and involved in ministry). Plus he left her with everything he had to give. I have no problem with any of that, as she is the mother of his (now grown) children, after all. I certainly wouldn’t want her mistreated, by any means! But that is literally all the more I know. I have never met her, so have never heard her side of the story.

    I just wanted someone else’s knowledgeable opinion, because I never want to live counter to what God wants or sanctions, ever again. I don’t want that much sorrow or lonliness again. Thank you again for the prompt reply! Much love to you!

  • Suzy

    Could someone please answer Amanda’s question? The reason I need the answer so desperately, is because I married an abusive man – emotionally and physically. He never showed that side of him before the marriage. He will not change – we went for counseling and nothing worked. He even started to use my little baby against me in order to make my life hell. I could not take it a day longer than those 3 horrible years, and because the last time he hit me – with the baby in his arms – I decided to get out and get a divorce. I have prayed every night in those years I was there, I was the best wife, did everything right and was still holding on to God, eventhough my own husband betrayed me in this manner. Does God want me to go back, so my husband will eventually kill me? I have had an operation to my ear in order to hear again after the last attack in 2008. Is that what God wants for me and from me? To stay there in fear and extreme hardness?

    • Admin

      Suzy:

      You never should stay in a situation where you are physically in danger.

      You were right to get yourself and your child out of there. God does not call us to stay around anyone that is physically harming us.

      Michael

  • Michelle

    I have known my husband my whole life. We grew up in church together. When he was 18, he was encouraged to marry his girlfriend, whom he was having sexual relations with. They married, had two children, and within 6 years of marriage, were divorced. She left him for his brother. A month after they divorced, he approached me and stated that God told him we were supposed to be together. He is 6 years older than me, and I was 18 at the time. We dated for 2.5 yrs, and got married. It seemed like the day after I said “I do”, he completely stopped caring about me or the marriage. He would disrespect me (speak graphically about my anatomy or our bedroom business) in front of me, in front of his friends. He was snippy with me in every area; rude, impatient, unsupportive, unloving. I tried to work with him, get him to pray with me, get him to enter into worship with me, but he would not. I finally had enough and told him I wanted out. I have never been able to accept his children and “my place” or lack of one in this makeshift family. I am not in love with him as a husband I just want out. I would rather be alone. There is no one else, I just want to be left alone. He has since changed his ways knowing now that I seriously want to leave, but I feel like for me, it’s too late. This whole thing is not fair to anyone involved. I had strong misgivings about marrying him in the first place, due to the fact that he would never be completely mine- as he has children with another woman. In a way, they come first, he only gets them on the weekends. I am an outcast in my own home every weekend, and I had to grow up that way with my father and stepmother. I try to stay out of his way when it comes to his children, but I end up being the outcast. I just want out. I entered into marriage I think because I just wanted to be married. I was naive to think I could handle all this, but I am miserable and I want to leave. We do not have children yet, and frankly, I do not want children with him. I want them someday, just not with him. I am 24 years old and it seems like my life is over.

    • Admin

      Michelle:

      Has he cheated on you at all?

      That would be a very big factor here.

      If he has not cheated on you, then why not forgive him and try to work things out?

      Regardless of what happens you will need to forgive him as Jesus commanded us to do.

      Your life is not over.

      God can always pick up the broken pieces of our lives and turn them into a beautiful thing.

      Michael

  • Michelle

    Also, I wanted to add, we have been to christian marriage counseling for two periods of time in the 3 years we’ve been married. The first stretch was in the first six months, the last stretch of time was last year.

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayaboutdivorce ody fernandez

    This reply is to all those who have been cheated on. A year and a half ago my husband cheated on me. I am a christian woman who was not active in my faith when I meet him. Married for 12 years. While he was dating a woman, I noticed many changes and knew what was happening. I remained in prayer and throught the pain and tears I held on to Jesus. I have never allowed anyone to cheat on me. This time it was different, Jesus wouldn’t let me leave him. The peace that I felt fill my home was unbelievable. The night he left I felt the loving arms of Jesus holding me. The experience was awsome and I knew God wanted me to stay with him. Every cell in me wanted out but Jesus wanted me to stand up and see him work things out. After one week he came back asking for forgiveness and confessed what he had done. At times the enemy tries to remind me, and cause me pain. Who am I that I can’t forgive. Forgiveness is Forgetting. Gd has forgiven me for alot more and he doesn’t ever remember. My husband is becoming more and more like God intended him to be. The chances, some are big some are small but nevertheless, positive. This story is for those who were cheated on once. I don’t think it applies to those whose husbands have made it a hobby to date others. Only God know what to do with those people. I encourage you to forgive and not to remember anymore just like God does with us. When the enemy reminds you , just take the oportunity to ask God to Bless, change and protect them. This applies to all who hurt you. Satan hates blessings and if you keep blessing people eventually he will stop haunting you with reminders of what they did. Put God first and you will see how everything else is very insignificant. Talk to God all day long, pray often, wake up an hour earlier everyday and just speak to him. You will see him chance your life dramatically and he will speak to you. I pray that God will touch all his children and specially all those on this site, who have been victims of not their spouses but of the enemy. Be strong, the kingdom is for the strong. May the good Lord Bless you.

  • suziQ

    I haven’t read all of the older posts yet but felt compelled to ask/say something… I was in an abusive marriage (20 yrs) – emotionally, verbally, and mentally – I was advised by the cops and my counselor to get out asap for it would only be a matter of time before it became physical.
    I stayed that long praying and hoping things would get better. Went to counseling as a couple and by myself. We are separated and there hasn’t been any improvement (he’s started dating). I think people need to be very careful about holding the sanctity of marriage above the safety of the individual (not just physical safety). Yes, God hates divorce but He also hates it when a spouse abdicates their role as a spouse and parent.

    • Admin

      Your husband is dating?

      Has he cheated on you?

      If he has cheated on you that would be grounds for divorce.

      And God never calls us to stay in a situation where we are being physically abused by a spouse.

      But without knowing more specifics it is hard to say if there are Biblical grounds for a divorce here.

      Michael

      • suziQ

        Dating in my mind is cheating. I’ve been told he’s had several overnighters, bragging about them and I haven’t asked for details.
        I don’t plan on remarrying. God is my refuge, don’t need a man to validate me – so even if I have Biblical grounds for divorce, it doesn’t make me any better than a woman who walks out because the man has mentally abused her. Again, the sanctity of marriage should NOT be held above the mental, emotional, and spiritual safety of a person. Marriage is not to be idolized but viewed as a special bond God has created between a man and a wife. God is merciful and gracious – still in the business of miracles, Does He allow for divorce? At times, yes, I believe He does. He’s also a forgiver.
        I would caution advising women or men to stay in an abusive relationship… abusive meaning ANY type of abuse. If the spouse refuses counseling, then the spouse who tried to keep the marriage together needs to get out, spend tons of time in prayer, and seek counseling from a qualified Christian counselor.
        To simply ask, “Did he cheat?” leaves the door wide open. Cheating as in dating other women, kissing them, doting on them while still married – yep, that’s cheating… it doesn’t only have to entail intercourse (I know what adultery is and that’s what the Bible refers to). The Bible also speaks to the hardness of men’s hearts. When a spouse abdicates their role as a spouse – it’s wrong; when they abdicate their role as a parent – it’s wrong.
        Do everything you can to save your marriage and pray lots. Divorce is painful, very painful but you can come through it as long as your focus is on God. I don’t advise divorce… He is still in the business of miracles. Do I regret leaving my husband – no… I left a man with a very hard heart and turned to other women.

        • Admin

          suziQ:

          If he has spent “overnight” with another woman, I would definitely consider that cheating too.

          Michael

  • Joy

    I’m really so confused don’t know what to do! I got married last year June to a man that is a Christian I hope. We dated for 8 long year; however, the relationship was toxic. Even when were were dating, i had tried to leave, but i always go back begging him to take me back. I was so addicted to him and so dependent. I knew God showed me signs that it was not going to work, but i still went ahead. Two week before our wedding in June we had a big fight on my bridal shower, i felt so ashamed faking n laughing during the shower. We are always having physical altercation with each other. Last year before we got married, he hit me in April, June and August even after the marriage. I’m so unhappy in my marriage I don’t I have love for him anymore, but I don’t want to hurt God. I cry everyday and I don’t know what to do I feel like am letting everyone down, but I wanna be happy. I married him because I was just so used to the life style of fighting. Also, i feel like i got married for the wrong reasons. I was 26 and im 27. Im just too scared. Im currently in counseling, I decided that I need space to just find out why I kept staying in a relationship that was toxic and abusive. He has not hit me since August cos I told his family and my family and they begged me to go back home, but I just want out. I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like cos we are always bickering and fighting. Please help me, I’m so confused.

    • Admin

      Joy:

      You should not say in any home where you feel as though you are in danger of being physically abused.

      Has this man cheated on you?

      Without knowing more specifics it is hard to know what advice to give.

      Michael

  • Joy

    He has not cheated on me, but this relationship has damaged me. He tells me that if his cheating on, I will never find out because am not intelligent to know. He tells me that I’m just an unhappy person and that I will die a sad person. He tells me that I’m a weak person, just emotional abuse and also physical. Im no longer in love with him, and I feel like I will end of seeking for an emotional relationship else where if I remain in this marriage. Have had two abortions with this same person, when am crying saying I have sinned against God, he will tell me to stop crying and that other women have done this before. I just don’t wanna remain in an unhappy marriage. I pray to God to forgive me with any decision I make. However, he is trying to be a better person, his being apologizing and sending me letters to forgive him, but im not longer interested because I’m just fed with everything. Am fed with the physical and emotional abuse and also the lack of affection he never showed me. I love him and I feel like we will remain friends and maybe I might just fall in love with him, but now I’m just done. I need help.

    • Admin

      Joy:

      Did he encourage you to have those abortions?

      Any man that would encourage his wife to kill her own children is a horrible man.

      I would definitely get a separation immediately.

      And you should try to get a clearer answer about whether he is cheating on you or not.

      If you do find out he is cheating, I would file for divorce.

      Michael

  • Dave

    My Pastor and myself are counseling a new believer in our church that is married to a man that is claimed to be a believer.. because of his verbal and physical abusive acts they have been separated. while waiting for divorce, that she alone wants,another man comes on the scene and she becomes pregnant from this man.He later comes also for salvation and is baptized.The husband going to another church goes to his pastor for counseling and wants to resolve and restore their maraige, and adopt this unborn child.His pastor agrees and tells my pastor that we should tell our two new believers that they should not see each other you stated that in the case of suzy and amanda a spouse should not stay with an abusive situation can you give me some biblical answers to defend this even though he wants to restore and she doesn`t on top of this complicated issue

    • Admin

      Wow what a sadly complicated situation.

      Did the first husband ever cheat on her?

      That would be a factor in my answer.

      Obviously no woman (or man) should be living in a home where there is active physical abuse going on.

      But this woman was also very wrong to run out and cheat and get pregnant by another man.

      I would encourage all of the parties and both pastors to all get together and to talk and pray this thing out.

      In everything, God always has to come first.

      But usually people end up doing exactly what they want to do anyway.

      Michael

      • Dave

        as far as cheating,the husband claims he has not.the physical abuse is not the normal wife beating type ,to give you a hint of that, he was a crossdresser,i don`t think i need to go in detail of the rest of it.thank you for your reply

        • Admin

          Dave:

          When someone is a crossdresser that usually means that some very serious problems are manifesting in that person’s life.

          Without knowing more details, my recommendation would be for everyone involved to get some very intense counseling. A lot of times these situations require more than a 5 minute answer.

          Michael

  • tamra

    i was wondering if someone could help me find in the king james version of the bible what happens to a person that did not live a religious way of life.i did not do christian things when i was younger.i had many guys and they just used me and i used them.i didn’t go to church,i never really put god first not even remotely..i have 3 boys who all have different dads.the last child’s dad and me are living together now.we are not married about 10 years we have been together and the reason we got together were not the right reasons.i was married once before him and i assume because we were not following the christian ways of god i decided i was not wanting us to be together.i dragged 2 of my kids through alot of pain and relationships.needlless to say they have turned out good.half way through the relationship with my now boyfriend i decided to give my life to god and put him above everything else.i have even got my boys going to god.my boyfriend is a good man he is illigally from mexico and i am white our son obviously is mixed.he has cheated on me in the past,however with all my talking about god he seems to be on board.we don’t go to church because i have issues trusting preachers.i have my bible and am trying to do what is right in god’s eyes,but i have a hard time understanding the bible.i want us to get married for gods sake.is it ok i can’t change my past and ask for forgivness from those who i have hurt,so what can i do to fix this.i have begged god to forgive me for all my sins.i have about 5 years ago been diagnosed with bi polar,but i don’t use that as excuse to get forgiveness.i feel like god has given me answers to my questions,but i feel like i am to much of an idiot to see them.why should i be forgiven when i hurt so many people in my stupidity.i really hope someone can help me with this.thank you for having this site.i feel i can get some of the right answers from people who don’t know me.

    • Admin

      Tamra:

      I applaud you for having the courage to share your story and to ask the tough questions.

      Let me see if I can give you some advice.

      Number one, if you died tonight are you 100% sure that you would go to heaven?

      In not, please read this article….

      http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-salvation

      Number two, I would highly encourage you and your husband to find a good church to go to. In today’s world it is incredibly difficult for young believers to do well on their own. You are going to need some people to come alongside you and to help you grow.

      Good churches are very hard to find these days, but there are still some out there.

      My wife and I will be praying for you.

      Michael

  • Christopher

    I have been separated for about 4 months from my wife. She moved out to try and figure some things out because she was unhappy in our marriage. We are both Christians and we both know the word and what the Bible says. I cheated on her before we were married and have struggled with pornography since we have been married but have remained faithful in our marriage and have not cheated with another person since we have been married. I know also that the Bible says in Matt. 5:28 if I have looked at a woman lustfully, via pornography, that I have already committed adultery in my heart. This is technically grounds for divorce, yes? Since our separation I have chosen to seek God’s will for my life and for my family. We do not have kids but she is my family. I know “God hates divorce” from Malachi so of course it is not God’s will that we divorce, no matter if I have cheated or not. Yes, there may be grounds for it, but God does not want it. The past few months I have taken active steps to control my addiction to pornography through electronic security on my devices, such as Covenant Eyes, accountability partners, memorizing scripture, praying, and actively seeking Godly counsel for my addiction. I am choosing to follow God’s original plan and want to work on my marriage. However, my wife still feels the hurt from my addiction and even when I cheated before we were engaged. Her self esteem and confidence is ruined and she does not want to try and make it work. She admits that she is doing it selfishly and knows it is wrong to divorce. But she is choosing that she wants a divorce anyways, against God’s will. My question is, “Biblically, what does the Bible say i do, as the husband, and the leader of my family?” I have asked her for a second chance to let me lead and be the husband God has called me to be and the man God has called me to be and do whatever it takes. She still says she doesn’t want to. Initially, I look to a few things. Hosea and Gomer where Gomer leaves and Hosea remains faithful to always bring her back and chase after her, even paying for her and saving her from slavery. He never gave up. Then there is the example that is what marriage represents, Christ’s relationship with the Church. He loves us unconditionally and never turns his back, never gives up even when we give up on Him. He is always there, waiting for us, patiently to come back. I know she has the Holy Spirit in her, again, we are both believers, but these lies that Satan keeps feeding her that she can’t do it and doesn’t want to, being selfish and only thinking of herself are her main struggle. How long do I wait for her? I know God’s timing is not our timing and if I knew I had to wait for 7 years until God moved on her heart I would. But I don’t know when she will, if she ever will come back, because we have free will and it is her choice. Biblically, what does the Bible encourage me to do?

    • Admin

      Christopher:

      Keep doing the good things that you are doing and ask your wife if there is anything else that you can do to show her that you have repented and that you are living 100% for God from now on.

      Also, pray like you have never prayed before if you still want to save your marriage.

      You have done tremendous damage, and it sounds like it is going to take a miracle to save it.

      Michael

  • Shannon

    My husband and I have been together for 8 years married 5 of those years. I know what the bible says about divorce but I’m also no expert when it comes to explaining word for word. My husbands entire male family has a horrible addiction to alcohol, including him. I have told him for years that I would leave if the drinking doesn’t stop, but I always end up staying , and the fact that we have 3 small children I don’t push the leaving issue , being a child from a divorced family I know the destruction it has on a child who doesn’t understand but I feel like staying is causing worse for my kids. My husband drinks every night during the week and on the weekend it’s worse. He leaves me home and goes out with friends and I am forced to take him and pick him up at 230am and then he’s mean and wants to fight. He destroys my stuff and our home, I’m scared to go to sleep because he wakes me to fight, and if I happen to tell him no I’m not taking him he gets mad and screams and tries to mentally and physically hurt me. I am so miserable with life and dread night time , because that’s when he drinks . I’ve tried to keep my marriage and family together but I dont think God will deny me for leaving a situation like this. There’s holes in my walls , doors etc from his drunken rages, there’s something that I have to be able to do without committing a life long sin

    • Admin

      Shannon:

      I recommend that you get yourself and the kids out of that home and that once you have left that you inform your husband that you have separated from him.

      Perhaps that will be the wake up call that he needs to get sober and to get right with God.

      Michael

  • Jody

    My husband and I have been married for almost 9 months and he has decided he wants to just be friends. His father is a pastor so he grew up in a Godly environment and I am saved as well. We argue quite a bit but we can always fix it on our own. His family wants to always control the situations we have and that always leads our small arguements into complete turmoil. It is as if they want him to divorce. I love my husband with everything I am and I feel that the love is not there on his end. I even left the church and finally got my faith back by doing so. My biggest concern is, How do I get his family to realize that he needs to rely on the two of us to fix our issues instead of them? I am only 19. I do not want to see the love of my life walk out so quickly without giving this a chance.

    • Admin

      Jody:

      I agree with you – almost all marriages have an “adjustment period” at the beginning and nobody should give up on a marriage so quickly.

      Why in the world would your husband want to be “just friends” after nine months of marriage?

      Is something else going on here?

      I would recommend getting some godly counsel, but keep in mind that anyone that would push you two toward divorce at this point is not giving you godly counsel.

      And what does your husband plan to do exactly?

      If he just wants to “be friends” with you, then where is he going to get his sexual fulfillment?

      Michael

  • ReneeC

    I have been married 10 years. 3 years separated due to my husband’s anger, domestic abuse and squandering of money. I drank regularly to cope, and to try and erase the fact that although we both were christians, I felt as though I made the biggest mistake of my life. We have gone to numerous counseling sessions from different churches/centers with no lasting affect. We both are leaders in the church. I am paid staff and he is non-paid staff. After 3 years of separation, I have stopped drinking, improved my life in many aspects and live a blessed life (am still a work in progress though). He has not changed one bit since the day I met him. Although he is gainfully employeed, he is living off the hard work of his mother by living with her for 3 years and contributing very litte, much in the way he did me while we lived together. I have grown weary and am being strongly urged to reconcile soon (have him move back in with me in my new home) at the risk of losing my position and job. I was so fed up with a husband who was a leech and a liar. That’s why I left him. He is still the same. I do not want to sacrifice the peace in my house to live in misery and turmoil but need to take care of my home and children.

    • Admin

      Renee:

      You don’t have to end a separation until you feel the time is right. If he has done nothing to change, then you need to communicate that to him and you need to communicate to him what you expect from him.

      If he turns back to God with all his heart and makes the changes, then hopefully you two can be reconciled at some point.

      Michael

  • craig

    I’ve been married for 11years and i have 3kids…my best friends wife found sms from my wife on her husbands mobile phone..we had a meeting about it and everything was sorted out(so i thought)..2years later the same story crops up again with these sms…so i confronted my wife about it she said that theres nothing going on between them…i trusted and believed my wife…my friends wife come into our home with anger and fort with my wife damaged our property and smashed our car windscreen..she told me that her husband admitted everything to her about the affair…what do i do,,,please hepl because i trusted my wife and i believed everything she said….help help help

    • Admin

      Craig:

      You are going to have to sit down with your wife and get to the bottom of this.

      Maybe she is cheating on you and maybe she isn’t.

      But you definitely need to find out.

      And perhaps it would be good for both of you to sit down with a pastor or a counselor. Sometimes a third party can be a great help in this type of situation.

      Michael

  • Dorothy

    Knew him for 8 years? Married to him for 5 years? Then drinking issue was known before marriage occurred? Why not get him enrolled in counseling/rehab? Why not find a fellowship where Jesus is Lord “for real?” Why not explain to the Pastor the issue, then get him saved and filled with the Holy Spirit so that he will know how to be a husband and father the way God intended?

  • Dorothy

    Christoper, there are going to be a whole lot of folk in hell who know the Bible and did good; however, they did not obey the Bible. I know we can quote the Word all day, but God wasn’t kidding when He said we call Him Lord, but don’t do what He says. He said in that day He will say, “Depart from Him, I never knew you.” It is impossible to live holy and righteous before God without the infilling of the Holy Ghost, and even then, God will not over ride our will. Key is, repent, turn, and refuse to sin against God. It can be done – when we come to love Almighty God more than “these,” including self. This is when we will obey Him, in all things.

  • levi

    Hi,im separated from my husband and have no-where to live.Is it a sin if i live with my boyfriend but we are not intermate. We plan to get married in the near future.

    • Admin

      Do you have any other family that you can live with for right now?

      Michael

  • Theresa

    The scripture of a woman being bond to her husband until the day he dies has been used by Patrarchal men to say that a woman cannot leave her husband if he commits adultrey or fornicates with an unmarried women.They also use the scripture of Jesus talking to the pharisees “is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” And Jesus only states that a husband can divorce his wife for adultrey but does’nt say anything about a woman can divorce her husband on the grounds of infedelity.They also state that a man only commits adultry if he has sex with another mans wife not an unmarried women.In other words they are saying that women have no rights in Gods word to divorce their husbands period.They can seperate but cannot remarry because they say she is bound to her first husband until the day he dies.In other words God has a double standerd .My question is where exactly in the word of God does it say that a woman has grounds for divorce if her husband commits adultry or has sex with an unmarried woman?

  • Teresa

    My older sister has been seeking help and advice from me concerning divorce. I am a faithful Christian. I believe that she is working to regain a new confidence through Christ as we were raised in a Christian God-centered home. However, her husband of 25 years is very unkind to her. He has been involved writing letters to other woman, sending emails, and meeting other woman for dinner. He and my sister have separate checking and savings accounts. My sister has always made the house payments and car payments. Currently, he is to pay for utilities and for food. However, he is not even do that. Many times he does have food in the house or he will eat dinner out and my sister will eat crackers, etc or do without dinner. She is holding on to the scripture that God hates divorce. I have been encouraging her that he has had sexual unfaithfulness just by contacting the other woman. Also, he is not willing to repent or attend church with her. She has asked him to go to counseling and to rebuild their marriage. He won’t even consider this. My sister was unable to have children – so it is just my sister and her husband. He verbally and emotionally abuses her on a daily basis. For goodness sake, he won’t even allow her in the living room with him. She has to watch televison or read in another room. Her extended family has been encouraging her to get out of the marriage because we feel there has been lust and unfaithfulness in his heart and he neglects her basic need of having food in the house. My sister’s paycheck is almost gone after the house payment and van payment. She is an elementary school teacher and I feel he won’t leave because she pays the majority of the big bills. In my heart, I know God does not want one of his children to live like this. Would you please give me some advice in helping my sister. Thank you so much.

    • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce/comment-page-3#comment-1296 Teresa

      My older sister has been seeking help and advice from me concerning divorce. I am a faithful Christian. I believe that she is working to regain a new confidence through Christ as we were raised in a Christian God-centered home. However, her husband of 25 years is very unkind to her. He has been involved writing letters to other woman, sending emails, and meeting other woman for dinner. He and my sister have separate checking and savings accounts. My sister has always made the house payments and car payments. Currently, he is to pay for utilities and for food. However, he is not even do that. Many times he does have food in the house or he will eat dinner out and my sister will eat crackers, etc or do without dinner. She is holding on to the scripture that God hates divorce. I have been encouraging her that he has had sexual unfaithfulness just by contacting the other woman. Also, he is not willing to repent or attend church with her. She has asked him to go to counseling and to rebuild their marriage. He won’t even consider this. My sister was unable to have children – so it is just my sister and her husband. He verbally and emotionally abuses her on a daily basis. For goodness sake, he won’t even allow her in the living room with him. She has to watch televison or read in another room. Her extended family has been encouraging her to get out of the marriage because we feel there has been lust and unfaithfulness in his heart and he neglects her basic need of having food in the house. My sister’s paycheck is almost gone after the house payment and van payment. She is an elementary school teacher and I feel he won’t leave because she pays the majority of the big bills. In my heart, I know God does not want one of his children to live like this. Would you please give me some advice in helping my sister. Thank you so much.
      I would like to add that my brother-in-law is Catholic but it not a “practicing Catholic.” My sister just said to me yesterday that he is showing no evidence that he is a believer.

      • Admin

        Teresa:

        I would advise your older sister to separate from the man immediately.

        Once that is done, she should try to determine if adultery has actually taken place. It sounds very much like this is likely since he has been going to dinner with other women.

        If the husband has definitely been committing adultery, a divorce may very well be in order.

        But the key piece of advice I would give is for your older sister to separate from this man as soon as possible.

        Michael

  • Teresa

    I would like to add that my brother-in-law is Catholic but it not a “practicing Catholic.” My sister just said to me yesterday that he is showing no evidence that he is a believer.

  • Regan

    My husband is also addicted to alcohol, and pornograpy. What makes matters worse is that he also has no desire for a sexual relationship with me. I am VERY self conscience although I have been told this is ridiculous, I still can’t help but to feel worthless when my husband has desires to look at other women over the Internet but no desire to be with me intimately. I don’t want to be married to him anymore. This weekend, when I asked him if there was anything about me that he liked it started a full blown fight, which turned into more arguments about outr non-existent intimate relationship, at which point he called me a whore and other names because I have a desire to be with my very own husband once or twice a month. I am scarred by this and can’t imagine God would want this for either of our lives. We do have children, but my husband is demoralizing to my teenage son, and ignores our small daughters on a regular basis with television, and internet taking precedence 95% of the time. I don’t know what to do. I do pray for my marriage but I do wonder if the addiction to pornography qualifies as adultery as another comment pointed out. I don’t want to feel worthless in my partners eyes any longer.

    • Admin

      An addiction to pornography is the equivalent of adultery.

      I would take your children out of there and separate from this man immediately.

      If that does not wake him up, then a divorce may very well be in order.

      No woman deserves to be in a marriage to a cruel porn addict.

      Michael

  • AAJones

    My husband and I have been together for the past 13 years and married for 4 years. We are always happy when we are together, we are like friends, we understand each other and sex is beyond great. Two weeks ago he was seen in public with another woman. When confronted he admitted that he has been cheating for 12 out of those 13 years. He says that he loves me but he can’t help cheating. He says that he’ll try his best from now to be faithful. We are trying to move forward; I have forgiven my husband who I love dearly but I cannot get the images out of my head with him and these other women, and the fact that he’s been deceiving me for the past 13 years. I am a Christian and I’m considering divorcing him. What do I do?? I’m afraid of being hurt again. What’s to stop him from deceiving me another 13 years.

    • Admin

      AAJones:

      I highly recommend that you both get some counseling – preferably together.

      Adultery can cause scars that can take many, many years to heal.

      And your husband should certainly be willing to submit to some accountability measures. You should be able to require that he let you know where he is at all times. He needs to earn back your trust.

      Simply promising to “do his best” to remain faithful is not good enough.

      Major changes need to be made, and if he is not willing to make them then you will have a decision to make.

      Michael

  • James

    My wife left me after 2 days of marriage for this marriage guy who left his wife and kids and she moved him in with her and her kids and i been trying for 5 months to work it out. I am still hurt and devasted by this whole situation and i really want a divorce but she would say she loves and miss me but it never any action to prove it but i know i have to move on but i am going to give her what she wants and divorce her. it seems like its being blessed and i am so hurt she has direspected me and the institution of marriage for her own selfish gain. I hope God blesss my efforts. I am so hurt that sometimes i feel like its my fault

    • Admin

      James:

      Why would you think that it is your fault?

      It is very odd that she would leave for another man after 2 days of marriage. That was very obviously wrong on her part.

      Are there any other details that you have left out?

      Michael

  • Jodi

    My husband cheated on me in January. Sexually, it was a one time thing but emotionally it started earlier. It happened after I told him I couldn’t stay with him if he kept this friendship with her, wouldn’t get counseling, and wouldn’t stop with the secrecy.

    I’ve been willing to work things out with him but I feel like I’m the only one committed to do so. He moved out 3 or 4 weeks ago yet is going to marriage counseling and tells me he still loves me. Yet he won’t commit to trying everything in his power to work with me on fixing this marriage. Despite the counselor’s advice, my only interactions with him is picking up our son, counseling, and when he calls me (he sounds annoyed when I call him). He keeps waffling back and forth about if he wants this marriage or not. He claims he’s over the other woman. I know God hates divorce. So do I. I’m in love with this man and I took our vows seriously. But I can’t work this marriage out alone. Going to counseling isn’t enough. I keep praying for strength to know when to keep holding on and strength to know when to let this failing marriage go. Bibically I had a right to divorce him but he led me to believe he’d stay and give it his all unless I told him to leave (he left on his own desire, I told him NOT to move out). Do I no longer have a right to divorce him?

    • Admin

      Jodi:

      According to the Bible you still have the right to divorce him. But that doesn’t mean that you must.

      I would communicate to him very clearly what you expect for him to do to work on fixing the marriage. If he does not make significant changes after that, I would start praying hard about what the next step may be.

      Michael

  • Karesse

    My husband and i have been going through some problems and he wants to divorce. We have been together 4 years and married for two. Back in November my husband said he was divorcing me, he left and then he came back. He has gotten physical with me a few times and has been very mean to me. I started talking to someone else behind his back and had an online affair. I told him what i had done and a few days later he said he wanted to divorce, so we went on a break. We came back together and he said he anted to work on things. Now we are back to him wanting a divorce again. He says that this is what he wants, he is tired of being married and wants to see other people. My husband is a non believer. I am not sure what to do. Do i keep praying for our marriage? He wants to stay in the same house until we get our living arrangements figured out but i can’t stay here with him if he doesn’t want me anymore. I guess my question is should i continue praying for our marriage and should i stay here with him and have faith that we will make it through this or just accept the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me and just move out?

    • Admin

      Karesse:

      Yes, you can always keep praying for our marriage.

      However, the Scriptures do tell us that if a non-believer wants to leave a marriage that we are to let them go. You can try your best to save your marriage if that is what you feel God is leading you to do, but in the end if he wants to leave you are not going to be able to stop him.

      And I would not continue living with him if physical abuse is taking place. You need to be some place where you will be safe.

      Michael

  • Robin

    I have been married for 18 years and my husband has cheated on me for the entire 18yrs. he has had children with other women and i have forgiven him every time. now he just left me again for another women that he has been with for the past 10 years. why do I feel, if I devorce him i will not be in the perfect will of God?

    • Admin

      Robin:

      The Bible allows for divorce in this kind of situation. It is amazing that you have stayed with him for so long after so many years of cheating.

      Once your husband committed adultery, he broke faith with you and turned his back on your marriage.

      I pray that you will find a much better husband in the future Robin.

      Michael

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce Jessica

    My husband and I were seeking divorce on grounds of no peace, cheating, and him always running away from home due to our constant arguments caused by me and at times, him. We filed and our court dates were pushed aside from the judge needing information from him in order for the divorce to go through. Eventually we decided to stay together and recieved a letter stating that they would handle the matter for us. All we had to do was sign and return. We never did that thinking that it would be dismissed. Well we read the paperwork wrong and today we recieved a letter stating we have a dissolution of marriage as of March 20th 2012. We re read the old paperwork and it did clearly state if we did not sign and return it would be handled either way. We are believers and know how He feels about divorce. I am confused and can’t help but think this may be Gods Will and for the better of each of us. Please help me as I am confused.

    • Admin

      Jessica:

      First of all, the government does not determine who is married and who is divorced. A “marriage license” from the government is just a piece of paper.

      Secondly, just because the government filed paperwork that says your divorce went through does not mean that you have to end your marriage.

      I would seek godly advice and I would recommend that you and your husband attend counseling together.

      Michael

  • Lori

    My husband and I have been married for two years. Out of those two years he has only worked for 5 months. He was laid off befor our first Christmas together. He was faithful about trying to find a job in the beginning but has since stopped. To compound matters, I am five months pregnant. I’m worried that we won’t be able to provide for this child because he doesn’t work. I have asked him to at least try to find a job, otherwise he could move out. He just seems to have no desire to work and is happy to just do nothing for the rest of his life. I know we will be at odds for the rest of our married life if he continues on this path. I know. Biblically, him being lazy is not a reason for divorce, but I don’t know what to do. I’m beginning to resent him and find myself angry at him often, speaking out in anger the way I know a wife shouldn’t.

    • Admin

      Lori:

      So many people are going through similar situations. When a man cannot find a job and cannot provide for his own family, it can be absolutely soul crushing.

      Unfortunately, there are not nearly enough jobs for everyone in America today. The average duration of unemployment is close to 40 weeks, and in future years the economy is only going to get worse.

      I would not divorce him and I would try to not beat him up so much.

      Instead, you might want to try being more loving and more supportive. I know that may seem difficult right now, but a little love might go a long way.

      And you might want to come alongside him and try to help him find a job. Sometimes when people are caught in a pit of despair they need someone to give them a hand.

      And never stop praying. Prayer changes things.

      May you be blessed and may your husband be blessed with a job very soon.

      Michael

  • jen

    My husband and I have been separated for about 9 months. He stole $10,000 from me and was becoming increasingly emotionally and physically abusive. He admitted that he was living in some kind of sinful addiction, but has never been willing to confess exactly what he was doing.
    We married because I got pregnant with his child while we were dating. At the time I knew it was not God’s will for me to marry him, but he pressured me into it and I did anyway. Throughout our 5 years of marriage he has been verbally abusive, manipulative and has kept me secluded and isolated from others. He claims to be a Christian, but there is no evidence of fruit in his life, only cyclical rants of “here’s what the Bible says” Usually to tell me what i am supposed to do as a wife.
    When we got separated, he had disappeared from home for 3 days (not for the first time) and I told him not to come back this time. Since then I have been in Christian counseling and God has been working in me and helping me to grow and change.
    I raise our 3 young children and work full time to support them, while he lives with his mom for free and does not work. He has made no effort to support us or to confess/repent/reconcile. He has made a few half hearted attempts to get help, but never follows through with counseling and is completely unwilling to submit to our church leaders. He is also unwilling to confess what kind of sin he has been caught up in.
    Every few weeks he asks if he can return home. He often makes remarks about missing my body, but never shows interest in how I’m doing. He claims that it is my fault that we are separated because I told him not to come home. He refuses to admit that he has abandoned us.
    My pastors and friends are encouraging me to divorce him, but I do not have peace about it. I really don’t know what the right thing to do is. I cannot let him come live with us until there has been some change in his life. I am not certain whether or not he is a Christian.
    Am i wrong to not allow him to return home? Do I have any Biblical grounds for divorce?

    • Admin

      Jen:

      You are in a really tough situation.

      I would certainly not let him return home right now. Until he shows signs of completely changing his life, you don’t want to risk having him come in and be physically abusive again.

      As far as divorce goes, I would really try to get to the bottom of what his “addiction” was and whether or not he has been cheating on you.

      If you do find out he has been cheating, that would give you Biblical grounds for a divorce.

      Michael

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce/comment-page-3#comment-1346 Jessica

    Thank you so much. This helps some. My husband and I have come to the conclusion that we are to remarry as soon as possible and know that the Lord would want us to remain together, rather than see families not try and accept a mere accidental filing, as we did not want that soon after. It was a third party and our mistake, but in our hearts we love each other so much and want to do what is right in the Lords eyes. Thank you for the advice and yes counseling would help us smooth out rough edges.

    • Admin

      Jessica:

      I am glad that we could be a bit of a help. :)

      Michael

  • lindsey

    My husband has not wanted to be with me physically for several months and we have been living in two different states for that time just seeing each other occasionally. A fellow worker made advances toward me and I tried to stay strong and remain faithful to my husband. But I eventually gave in to my selfish flesh and satisfied my desires. I asked my husband for a divorce and he gave it to me. Now I see I did not do what God wanted and I feel I should leave the man that helped me destroy my marriage and ask my ex to take me back. Do you think that is what God would want? We were married for almost 25 years.

    • Admin

      Lindsey:

      You have already gotten a divorce so it may be too late to go back over that bridge.

      What I would recommend is to stop seeing this new man and to rededicate yourself to God with all of your heart.

      Without God, you are never going to be able to move your life in the right direction.

      Michael

      • RyanD

        With all due respect-God can only offer so much happiness…perhaps this man can offer more physical, mental and REAL happiness…?? Just something to think about, for both of us as I am a Christian also, but think that the bible’s ambiguity prompts some wrong teachings.

  • layanna

    in january 2011 i found out my husband cheated on we went to counseling for 3 months then i decided i just needed to exit the situation and really clear my thoughts and ended up moving 1200 mi away to texas with a friend of mine and stayed for a yr during this yr we both kinda went our separate ways but never lost connection and the feelings or love never went away for me this past month i really felt i had god speaking to me that i needed to go home i need to fight for my marriage and that he was tired of the way we were both living out life and wanted us to work this out unfortunately while i was getting this message my husband was getting another and that was that he need to build him self up as an individual and be single and that our marriage was only going to bring him down. im devastated cause i feel we have been getting mixed signals from god and i dont know what to do i do still love him with all my heart and want to see him do what he is suppose to which has always been to serve the lord and preach the Gospel and i dont want to be the one to get in him way of that although i believe n marriage and believe god put us together to build each other up he doesnt see it like that he see it as dragging him down so this past tuesday i signed the divorce papers with tears n my eyes and handed then to him i gave him his final wish as my husband i like god hate divorce!!! but again i dont want to be the one to bring him down and not reach his goals im torn between a rock n a hard place and my heart is breaking

    • Admin

      Layanna:

      I feel really bad for you. This is a heartbreaking situation.

      You were not the one who failed. It was your husband that cheated.

      If you wanted out of the marriage there was not much you could really do to keep him there.

      At this time I would rededicate yourself to God like never before.

      I believe that God can bring a new man into your life that will be far greater than the man you were married to before.

      Michael

  • Meadow

    Ten years ago I married my husband.We had a daughter.We lived together three months before he stopped coming home.He had moved in with another woman and was gone entirely from both of our lives not long after we split I found out I was pregnant with our son. I spent the next 6 years waiting for God to show me the plan he had for my family.My husband rarely came to see the children.Although I always kept a pleasant and helpful demeaner towards him.He began to loathe” me, as he says more than ever before.A few years ago I had a brief relationship with a man from work that resulted in a third child.This was a sad, cold relationship. I think maybe I choose that type of relationship because I knew what the bible says about divorce and I will never have the Lords Blessing in any relationship.It has been ten years now since we married and we were only together a short time. My husband has been in prison for three years and has another 15 years there.I send him money and letters of sopport but I have no desire in my heart to be his wife.I pray every night for God to put a man in my life so I can finally be the wife I always wanted t

    • Admin

      Meadow:

      It is heartbreaking to hear of all the pain your have been through. My prayer is that you and your family will not enter a time of great blessing.

      Since your husband moved out on you and moved in with another woman, you have Biblical grounds for divorce since he cheated on you.

      I would pray about it and seek God with all of your heart. Also, I would get some good Christian counseling.

      It sounds like divorce may be a good option for you here, but in the end it is a decision that you must make.

      In the end, my hope is that the next chapters of your life will be the greatest chapters you have ever known.

      Michael

  • audrey

    My husband only “loves” me when it comes to sex and it always has to be in ways I am uncomfortable with. The rest of the time I am being yelled at and called names (the list goes on and on). He tries to embarrass me in front of anybody. I go to bed angry so many nights and he believes that i should be over it and have sex or go to sleep. I am at the end of my rope and he tells me it wouldnt be a big deal if i wasn’t here are died. HELP!

    • Admin

      Audrey:

      It is obvious that he has no respect for you whatsoever. You never have to stay in a situation where you are being physically or verbally abused.

      I would separate from this man immediately and hopefully that will wake him up. If he changes his attitude and agrees to marriage counseling that could be a possibility for you.

      And has this man ever cheated on you? That would change my advice.

      Michael

  • liz

    I got married two years ago and thought that I was going to be happy this time as I was once married before but not a Christian back then, this time me and my husband are currently separated for about two months now. I realized that I wasn’t ever in love with him. I married for comfort and also realized that was the same pattern as my previous relationships. I don’t know what to do.

    • Admin

      Liz:

      Love is not a “feeling” – it is a decision.

      It really doesn’t matter if you have certain feelings for this man or not. You made the decision to marry him, and God expects you to work on that marriage.

      If both of you will seek after God with all of your hearts, God can make your marriage into a beautiful thing. I have seen it happen so many times.

      Michael

  • Abby

    5yrs ago I was not a christian , I was in a dark depressed state feeling rejected over and over by my husband, he would not show me any affection. His best friend told me he was cheating on me and told me how beautiful I was and how I deserved so much better. I listened to this man and left my husband. Shortly after I got pregnant. I then caught this man cheating on me and we split when I was 4mo along with his child. At 6 mo preg my husband started talking to me and we decided to work things out and raise the baby as ours and not let the other man in to our lives, so this is what we have been doing for 5yrs now. I have since asked the Lord for forgivness and to come into my life and repented over and over how sorry I am for my adultry sin. Will I be firgiven? Am I forgiven? Should I ever allow the other man to see my child? I feel he was my sin and don’t want to let him back into my life

    • Admin

      Abby:

      Of course you are forgiven. God always forgives our sins when we ask Him to.

      In 1 John 1:9 it tells us the following…..

      “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

      You are definitely forgiven by God.

      Should you ever let that other man see the child?

      Well, he is the father, so that would be one factor in favor.

      But I don’t know anything about the man, so I would advise you to get some wise counsel before letting him into the life of your child.

      Michael

  • Stephanie Ecate

    My father is a chronic cheater. he cheats, gets caught, apologizes, then does it again. i want my mom to leave him, but she keeps holding on just to keep the family intact. but it’s just hurting me and my brothers. how do i get her to leave my dad? my brothers and i are not happy with our dad and we never had a father-children relationship with him. the anger and bitterness just continues to grow. leaving our father is the best option, but my mom wouldn’t let go. what do i do? please help.

    • Admin

      Stephanie:

      You can get anyone to do something that they don’t want to do.

      I would talk to her with gentleness and respect and express your concerns to her.

      If she won’t do anything after that, the best thing you can do is pray.

      Michael

  • Stephanie

    I was married fora two and half years. My husband cheated multiple times and when I left moved in with the current girlfriend he had. I was also in a state of rebellion when I married him and was not the best wife but I did not cheat. I left him and we divorced although he did not want me to leave him and said he would change (something he had said multiple times before). We have been apart for two years and he has always wanted to reconcile, especially when he and his gf were having problems. However, now he is confessing salvation and has broken up with his girlfriend. He desperately wants to get back together and wants us to go thru Godly counseling. He states he believes it is it the right thing for us and our two children. I am confused as to what the Bible says about remarrying an ex and if I should believe him that he has changed. A lot of my family and friends were hurt during our divorce and I don’t want to injure them again or make another mistake by remarrying him. I would like for everything to work out but I am very wary.

  • Jessi

    I separated from my husband in December 2011 and right now we are going through the divorce process. I made the decision to separate from my husband because he had been cheating on me for a while. We’ve only been married for 4 years yet he has cheated on me numerous times. The time before last I suggested we seek counseling but he refused. I stayed because I really needed the help as our daughter was an infant then. Less than a year later I realized he was up to his old tricks and decided I was done. When I moved away with our daughter I left him in our former apartment and left with just our clothes. Deep down in my heart I had the hope to reunite but shortly after moving I realized he continued his relationship with the other woman. So I made the decision to file for divorce. He said he didn’t want a divorce and when I asked him why he said he wanted to make sure he got his green card first. His response crushed me and it gave me a stronger will to file for divorce. After 3 months of not seeing each other we met in the Dominican Rep, where we are from, where we got married and where I went to file for divorce, I found out many of the details of his infidelity. He had been with the woman for over a year, they had gone on vacation together while he and I were married and supposedly working out his last infidelity, he also brought her to our apartment where she took numerous pictures together and she posted them on facebook for me to see. Needles to say, I was devastated and more fueled then ever to file for the divorce. In this same trip I reconnected with my former high school sweetheart. My husband found out and now has flipped the story to make himself out to be the victim and accuses me of being with him for a while and that I ended our marriage because of the other man and not because of all the things he has done to me. I am no longer with the other man because I realized I was only with him to distract me from my feelings and my pain. Now, my husband is not a Christian. I have been a Christian for 20 years but I have been estranged from the Lord for a long time, but I have recently reconnected with God and I am feeling doubtful of my decision to divorce. I feel that I still love him and that the reason why I left him and filed for divorce is because I was hurt and angry and I wanted to get a rise from him because he is immutable and avoids confrontation or real communication at all cost. I guess I figured if I took extreme actions I would get him to react. I’ve also done other things to get his attention such as kicking him out of our apartment since it was my name on the lease. I’ve also demanded him to pay me for the stuff I left behind and for which I had paid for. Right now he’s very angry and won’t even speak to me. I am praying for guidance and discernment. I took my vows very seriously. I married him because I was ready to settle down and have a family and he was so grounded and mature. Even though I was not living a righteous life before, I never wanted to have a child out of wedlock. I believe in the institution of marriage and family. I feel I rushed all these things instead of trusting in God. I know I cannot be with him as he is now. I just don’t know what to do: do I try to move on without him or do I wait for him, wait for God to touch him?

    • Admin

      Jessi:

      I would recommend that you pray very much about this and seek godly counseling.

      Since he cheated on you numerous times, you do have biblical grounds for divorce.

      But that does not mean that you must divorce him.

      I would give it some time and really pray about this like you have never prayed before.

      Michael

  • Dave

    My wife and I are going on 5yrs of marriage. We have been separated for 3 months now. She asked me not to come home after dropping my kids off to their mother. (Yes #2 Marriage). We were together for 5 years prior to marrying. Our marriage started to become in a rut, me being withdrawn, not motivated, worked 100hrs a week, lost my temper easily all while being reckless in my faith. I was raised in church but had many down falls in my life and strayed away. I truly love my wife and have been recently born again (5 weeks) but not new to a relationship with God. I have renewed my faith and am not turning back. I do understand that God comes first, then your wife, etc……She claims to be a Christian which I believe as she is the one that got me going to church again. I am at a point where I laid this in God’s hands however I want her back but she doesn’t trust me with her heart anymore (no infidelity happened on either side). I believe in the sanctity of marriage and with God all things are possible. I just feel we are growing further apart in this separation. I want to go home to my wife and pray about it all of the time. She just keeps going back to the old past and I am new. My eyes are forward God forgave me when I rededicated my life to him and washed away my sins. Divorce is so overused today and I do not believe in it. Any advice?

    • Admin

      Dave:

      I would recommend giving it time. Get as close to God as you can and day by day show your wife how you have changed.

      Trust is earned over time. As you show her how you have changed she will eventually warm up.

      Just take it a day at a time. It sounds like you are on the right track.

      Michael

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  • sharon

    I have been in an “emotional abusive” marriage for 30 years. After receiving marriage counseling, I was told if it hasn’t changed by now it will not. I was put on nerve medication about 13 years into the marriage because I was an emotional wreck. I was and still am a Christian when I finally filed for a divorce, after being told time and time again “if you don’t like it, do something about it” (knowing I would not because of what the Bible says). Finally after 30 years I did, to help save my sanity. We have been divorced for 8 years and he is living with a women. Am I wrong in God’s eyes to have been the one to file for a divorce under these circumstances? Also, by him living with a women after our divorce am I free to marry again in God’s eyes? (There is nothing going on at this time, but wondering about the future). As far I know he did not cheat on me during our 30 years and I do not know if he is saved, only God knows that.

    • Admin

      Sharon:

      I would have recommended a long-term separation very early in the marriage. That would have kept you from a lot of abuse and it would have been a huge wake up call to him.

      Are you now free to remarry because he is living with another woman after the marriage has ended?

      There is disagreement among Christian ministers on this issue.

      I would say that you would be free to remarry. But I also know that there are others that would advise you otherwise.

      Michael

  • Kacy Brown

    My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Our marriage definately has had it’s ups and downs, but recently hit a wall. He got a new job 2 years ago and from that point I didn’t feel like a priority in his life. Soon after, I had a major stroke and had alot of rehsb. He instantly went into caregiver mode and I lost my loving husband altogether. I wasn’t looking for it, but found myself getting sucked into a relationship with an old friend about 6 months ago. It only lasted 3 months, but I was unfaithful to my husband. We are now seperated and even though we are seeking counseling seperately (he refuses to go together or work on us) he sees divorce as the only option biblically. I know God has forgiven me and I’m in a new direction in many ways. God can do anything, but my husband doesn’t see any posibility. Is divorce my only option? I have gone to see two pastors that say there is hope, but I just keep praying that my husbands heart sees it sometime. I love my husband with all my heart. At times I feel Gods peace with me and at times I just feel lost. God hates divorce, but there is nothing in the bible about reconciling after unfaithfulness, is there?

    • Admin

      Kacy:

      Your husband has Biblical grounds for divorce but that does not mean that he must divorce you.

      It is basically up to him. You can pray and ask God to change his heart, but in the end if your husband decides to divorce you there is not that much you can do.

      You did a horrible thing by cheating. Rebuilding your life will not be easy.

      But there is always forgiveness with God.

      Michael

  • Pastor Daniel Zuniga

    I recently heard from one individual of a couple who are married, I’ll refer to them as, “A” and “B”. “A” came to me with a question that dumbfounded me. The story goes, they were wed via a female minister and “B” is not a Christian. “B” as “A” described it, “violated Matthew 12:31-32 in defiance” (the unforgivable sin). As it turns out, Both “A” and “B” have two children together and have been married for about 20 years. “A” had been considering divorce. However, I really can’t give a definitive answer on what sort of advice to give to “A” The question posed to me will be the same that I will pose to you. What would be the Biblical impact of “A” and the two children be? I do know three things. (1) Invalid marriage from the start. (2) Light yoked with darkness. and (3) No forgiveness, not in this life nor the next for “B”. Any thoughts or advice on the continued marriage?

    • Admin

      The Scriptures tell us not to be unequally yoked, but they also instruct us that we are supposed to allow the non-Christian partner to stay in the marriage if they want to stay.

      I don’t really see where “A” would have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      Is there anything else going on here?

      Michael

  • Melanie Goodman

    I have been married for almost 2 years and been with my husband for 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter. Ever since we got married things have changed between us. It all started when I got saved in May 2011. He was not happy about it. An incident occurred last December he slapped me several times in front of our daughter. I was real scared and called the police. My daughter and I had to leave. We stayed with family for awhile and I got a restraining order. I came back to live at the house with my daughter. He is living somewhere else and we want to reconcile. I have talked to my pastor and he says, that my husband has been saved and is repetant of his sin. I want to believe this so bad. Right now we are not allowed to see each other and he’s going through a lot of legal matters. The DA wants him arrested. I just keep praying that we will get back together soon. My Dad, mom, and siblings are not to happy with me. They think I am making a bad decision not only for myself, but my daughter too. Can someone give me advice?

    • Admin

      Melanie:

      I would pray about this intensely and I would take things very slowly.

      Perhaps your husband has changed. God can change anyone.

      But that doesn’t mean you have to rush things. Just take it a step at a time and hopefully trust can slowly be rebuilt.

      Michael

  • aimee lord

    I have been married for almost 8 years now and we are now getting a divorce. We have been around and around on this for the last 5 at least. We have twin boys who are 5 years old. I am torn because we both want a divorce. I am a christian and God is number one in my life. He believes in God but doesnt go to church or live it. He is always on me about sex and I am just not attracted to him anymore because he acts like a child. I am pushed into the “mom” position with him and literally feel like i have three children instead of the two. i am always putting my family in front of what i want and taking on all responsibility myself. I just feel like I cant go on like this anymore and i have zero support. I need someone here for me that is a man and a husband. He is a good person, but I feel so alone anymore. I dont know what to do about this. I really want a divorce and he does too and at the same time i am so afraid.

    • Admin

      Aimee:

      Has there been any infidelity in the marriage?

      If not, then you may not have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      And it is not good for you to be in the “Mom” position with him.

      More than anything else, your husband needs God. I would pray and fast for him.

      When God gets a hold of someone absolute miracles can happen.

      I wouldn’t give up on him just yet.

      Michael

  • http://hotmail Tafadzwa Ruwambara

    There is only one condition l am aware of that licenses divorce, and that is fornication. The master himself made a statement in Matthew 19:9 when he said; “And l say to you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth committeth adultery.” Any other reason is not acceptable before a Holy God.
    Paul went on to say; “And unto the married l command, yet not l, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.

  • lupe

    I have been with my wife almost twenty years , married almost 5yrs. I have six beautiful children , three boy and three girls , ages 18, 16, 14, 12, 11, and 9. Sixteen years ago while my wife was pregnant with our second son , I went out side our relationship and since then never have I done it again . In 2007 with six children my wife and I separated but I had found Jesus Christ as my Lord and then my wife followed , in Dec of 2008 we got married through our church after we both had attended an encounter at our church . Just a few months ago my wife had been acting strange and was spending less and less time at home and doing odd things she wouldn’t normally do. We had and argument and she threaten she was leaving me and my children so I told her just leave , three weeks later she revealed to me that there was another man in her life and that she had been keeping a secret from me , in 2007 while we where separated she had slept with my cousin and lasted for around three weeks also she had been with another individual from her work . These last 5 yrs we have been struggling in our marriage and God had been revealing to me that there was something hindering our marriage. All this time I thought it was me . So now I find myself asking God should I continue to fight for this marriage or let it go , she is now living with this other individual in our old apartment, while my children and I have moved in to a new beautiful 5 bedroom home . I don’t know what I should do , I still very much love her and have asked God to guide me . I have already forgiven her , my cousin and these other men as well , but now what .

    • Admin

      Lupe:

      You definitely have Biblical grounds for divorce, but that doesn’t mean that you must divorce her.

      I would seek godly counsel and I would pray like you have never prayed before.

      In the end, if you believe that God wants you to fight for your marriage then you should fight for it.

      If you believe that God is calling you to move on, then I would move on.

      Michael

  • Dawn

    Ive been married for 14 years now. My husband likes to watch porn. He knows that it is not God wants and he tries to stop for a while. But later, he sneaks to watch it. I even caught him buying porn videos at a video store. Is this committing adultery? Do I have grounds for a divorce according to the bible?

    • Admin

      Dawn:

      Yes, I believe that watching porn is the equivalent of cheating and you would have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      But that does not mean that you must divorce him.

      Do you think that counseling might help in this situation?

      Michael

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com Mark

    My wife ordered me out of the home a week ago. She cursed and screamed, repeatedly, she would call the police if I did not leave immediately. She packed my things in a small box, pulled the car out of the garage and followed me around the house, screaming w/rage at me until I agreed to leave. We’ve been married 7 years and she’s threatened me with divorce more times than I can count from early in the marriage. Rather than face the embarrassment of a domestic disturbance call in front of our neighbors, I quickly packed my things out in the driveway, in view of our friends, and left.

    We’d previously been in christian counseling and the counselor told us not to threaten divorce. My wife initially said she did not recall that advice. Later she claimed that counseling had more to do with a poor relationship my my son (prior marriage, wife deceased), than with our marriage. She continued to threaten divorce, sometimes not using the word but regularly threatening an end to the marriage when she was angry.

    She exploded at me this day because I did not want to engage in a confrontation while she was angry. She was upset that I’d not called her while on a 4 day trip (I’d emailed and texted her several times instead, fearing a conversation w/her would turn ugly). She’d not called me or responded to any of my notes to her.

    My wife has changed her mind and now insists I come home. She’s called or threatened to call her mom, sister, mental health services, a marriage counselor, and the men at our church in an effort to get me back in the house. I’m quite certain that a return to the house will inevitably lead to further fighting, further threats and worse conflict. She does not mention faith in the course of our lives together unless it’s to convince me to as she wishes. “God would not approve…God expects you to…As a christian man you have responsibilities…”

    I’m well aware of the Bible’s focus on reconciliation and forgiveness and God’s hatred of divorce. I’m having trouble figuring out what He really wants me to do given the hopelessness of this marriage.

    I understand completely women who run out of patience with men who cheat on them, or who fall into addictions, men who are violent or threaten abuse. I don’t/didn’t do any of those things but, according to her when she’s mad, I don’t do anything right and don’t measure up to her first husband.

    I’ll keep praying but I am feeling a bit lost and confused right now.

    Mark

    • Admin

      Mark:

      I don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do. You are obviously married to a very manipulative and controlling woman.

      Under no circumstances should you live with her again until she is willing to change.

      She should not be trying to manipulate you like this. You need to communicate to her very clearly what changes you expect from her. And I would also recommend that you two get into some good Christian marriage counseling while you are separated.

      She is the one that needs to change, and you need to stop giving in to her. If you do not stand up to her now, she will continue this manipulative behavior indefinitely.

      Michael

  • Annette Frost

    Hello I have been married for 23 years and my husband has had emotional affairs, I can’t prove anything has been physical and also there has been an issue with porn just in the last couple of months. I think I have put up with enough mental abuse to last a life time. We went to counselling with a Pastor at our church as well as two marriage counsellors and we are still dealing with this issue. Is this ground for a divorce.

    • Admin

      Annette:

      I do believe that a porn addiction is cheating and is grounds for divorce.

      But perhaps a first step of moving out would be enough to knock some sense into your husband.

      Michael

  • Marie

    I have been married for 1 year with my husband and 2 years in total since we met. We have a baby and I have a daughter, whom he has raised since she was 6 months. This year has been terrible. We have had lots of fights to the point that we are seeking marriage counseling. I have been emotionally abused and we both have disrespected each other physically. I sometimes feel that I can’t go on. I just want peace in my life and peace for my children. I am considering the option of divorce, but it breaks my soul to even think this, especially knowing that God hates divorce. What should I do? how much more pain and abuse should I take in? sometimes I wonder why being in a christian marriage makes it just harder, the attacks are worse. I am lost and confused. I hate feeling that sometimes my life is in danger, as he has threathened me before. He is a christian man and his actions confuse me. How could I keep seeking God, when the example of a christian husband that I live with, is just a nightmare. I know I love him, but I just feel fed up with it all. No adultery has been done from neither of us. what should we do? I dont want my children growing up without a Father, without him. Do you recommend separation, if so, how long?

    • Admin

      Marie:

      A long-term separation might do a lot of good here. It would allow both of you to cool off and to attend counseling without the pressure of living together.

      And it sounds like you guys could definitely benefit from some good Christian marriage counseling.

      But please don’t continue to live in that house if you feel your life is in danger.

      Michael

  • Confused

    I’m so confused! I want a divorce from my husband. We’ve been married for almost 10 years and I can see some change in him. He was once a very verbally abusive man (he has made some progress on controlling what he says to me),although his temper is still explosive . He’s extremely jealous, insecure, and he keeps up with my every move! He’s not cheating on me and he claims to be a Christian. I love the Lord, which is the only reason I’m still in this marriage.I don’t love my husband. I don’t even like him. What advice could you give me? I feel stuck! Does God want me to live in misery with this man?

    • Admin

      Confused:

      You should communicate very clearly what is bothering you to your husband and a separation may be in order here.

      But once you are separated some good marital counseling may help you two to work through your issues.

      God can change anyone, and God can repair even the most broken marriages, so don’t think that anything is impossible.

      Do you still believe that your marriage can be saved at this point?

      Michael

  • billy

    Me and my wife have been married for ten years and we have three kids and she left me for another man and she has filed for legal separation and divorce and I know I should grant her a certificate of divorce because I have the biblical right to divorce her but do I divorce her and if she divorces me can I remarry another woman or if after we divorce and me and my wife find peace and understanding and our love again can we remarry?

    • Admin

      Billy:

      Yes, since she cheated on you, you will be free to remarry someone else.

      But no, you will not be free to remarry her.

      Michael

  • Thomas

    I have a very close friend who was nearly beaten to death by her spouse, she has divorced him, and moved on, she is now considering going back to this man due to the fact she is trying to live as the bible tells her to, she feels that she must stay with this man or live a life of loneliness and celibacy. Do you believe this is how God would want one of his children living because of someone Else’s brutality.
    Thank You for your thoughts in this.

    • Admin

      Thomas:

      No, she should not return to that man. Why would she want to return to a man that almost beat her to death?

      Michael

      • Thomas J Benoure

        she feels she would be living in sin otherwise

  • Karen

    Me and my husband got married at city hall almost 3 years ago, the main reason for him was citizenship but I thought he loved me too, but he even admits it now. he doesnt want a divorce but doesnt want to really work on it either. While i was pregnant with our son he started to fall in love with someone else who was from the same country as him and he promised her he would leave me and go with her after my son was born and everything was calmed down in my life. I miscarried after 6 months, and just a month after that she broke up with him and said she doesnt want to rip apart his marriage after all we went through. I threatened to leave but I ended up staying to work on it. Its been a year and I can’t handle the way he treats me and I’m planning on leaving. Even though he didnt physically cheat on me, he did still love another woman. does that still count? He said he wants to work on it for 1 year at least to try and make it work but showed no effort.

    • Admin

      Karen:

      It doesn’t have to be sexual intercourse to be considered cheating.

      Are both of your Christians?

      Michael

  • Christopher

    My wife just left me, today. I believe sort of, but I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t believe at all though. She told me that she was completely unhappy, but up until today, she never once let on that she was unhappy. What do I do? If I let her go, I loose any chance to be happy, and I will lose her if I try to hold her. Am I doing anything wrong if I try to move on?

  • Brent

    Three weeks ago, my wife graduated from college and went back to her parents house with my daughter. She says she’s not coming back because I am a loser with no future. Ultimately, it is because she graduated with a 4.0, and I dropped out of college after three years of struggling to keep my grades up.

    I love my wife and my daughter more than life itself, and on the day we were married, I told myself and God that no matter what happened, I would never let her leave my side. But no matter what I do, she refuses to talk about it. I’ve been praying for guidance, and now my wife says if I send her any more bible passages telling her to come back, she will stop being “christian” and I will have that blood on my hands. That and she will not let me see my daughter again. I wish God would give me the words to say and the actions to perform to lead her not only back where she belongs physically, but spiritually. She keeps saying we aren’t married because we didn’t get married in a church, but we were married by a pastor who read from Corinthians, and my commitment to God was real.

    Please! Can’t somebody help me reach God? He’s not returning my calls right now and I really need Him.

    • Admin

      Brent:

      Humans have been given free will, so God is not going to “make” your wife come back to you. But you can still pray for God to work on her heart. In fact, I would recommend some very serious fasting and prayer.

      Why did she leave in the first place? What caused the problems in your marriage?

      If it is just about money, that is pretty shallow on her part.

      On thing you can do is you can get some legal help. You should be able to see your daughter.

      Michael

  • gary

    Divorce is heart breaking, because love is faithful. And I believe in jesus christ. I got divorced by my spouse. And having children made things alot difficult to reason with . Who is has the right to place a curse on there life and family. No one people who usually get out of a relationship leave with a sour heart. It takes time to cure.Please forgive or trouble the soul.

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce Tonya

    Hello, I have been married for almost two years.. Before my husband was my husband he cheated during our relationship but I forgave him and a year later we got married… During that time the woman that he cheated with had a son that was his.. So being a married woman i have taken in this child when its his time to visit with his father but it has been a strain. During the first couple months of our marriage I got pregnant with my first child but this would be his third child..I have been a Christian since I was a little girl and I love the Lord with my whole heart but I have come to hard place right now because my husband loss his job and its been very difficult… But a few days ago I go some information from the young lady he had his son with and she told me that he’s cheating on me with her… I confronted him about this and he said NO she not tell the truth.. But Im stuck because I want to believe my husband but this is the same lady that he cheated with before our marriage… So I told him i want divorce but my pastor says I should believe him and give him a chance to make it right .. that I should pray and seek God but divorce is not the answer.. My heart is heavy…

    • Admin

      Tonya:

      Yes, the cheating is definitely something you need to get to the bottom of. If he is cheating on you, then you would have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      Michael

  • justin

    I have been with my wife for over 6 years we just got married back in october I have been going through alot in my life this past year with my business and my health I think that has caused some problems between us We have always had little aurguments that I think went on for to long we are both really stubbron so it takes a few days for us to sit down and talk it through back in april we had a aurugment and she threatned to leave me so I told her to leave I shouldnt have this wasnt what I intended to happen and spent the last two weeks that she was at my house trying to work it through However I was still upset with her for the fact that she was leaving and told her if she left it was over… Well she left and now I have been trying to get her to take things slow to eventually work things out with her I love her with all my heart but she now acts so bitter towards me She is living in another state and says If we ever get back together she doesnt want to live where we did live at the only problem is I own my own business and It does really well here all these things we talked about before the marriage and It wasnt a problem now it is.. When we do talk she is really breif with me she keeps bringing up the past I try to tell her that we need to learn to forgive and forget I have never been the type to bring up the past… I want us to go to conceling but I dont think she wants to…Im stuck and dont know what to do she keeps threating me and saying she will never talk to me again and wants the divorce in october.. I dont really go to church but I do believe in the lord as I know she does to but I cant make someone want the things that I want and cannot make someone want to try to work on things with me What does the bible say if your in a marriage and the other person just wants out and is not willing to work on things I thought through are seperation she may come to her senses and want to try I know she loves me but she is so hard headed that I think she just wants out I want to do whats right by her and by the lord but Iam really confused Any advice would be apperciated

    Thanks,
    Eric

    • Admin

      Eric:

      The first step for you is to get right with God. Please see this article….

      http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-salvation

      Secondly, if you want to win her back you are going to have to show her that you have really changed. That might work and it might not. You are not going to be able to control the decisions that she makes. But you can try to show her that you are still the man that she fell in love with.

      Michael

  • tmac

    I was married at 18 (5 days after HS graduation). I did not stay faithful to my first husband, I have asked him and God for forgiveness. A few years later I married my current husband, whom I have 3 lovely children with. When we married, I knew my husband was an alcoholic. We had been to counseling and he had gotten better. We have been married for 8 years now. He lost his job a few years ago, bc he failed a breathalizer at work, and his drinking has spiraled out of control since then. He has spent money on alcohol we needed to pay our bills with. He watches the kids while I am at work, and I come home to find him passed out. Tonight I went out for a jog, only to find him gone (he ran to the liquer store) and left the kids ages, 4, 6 and 7 alone for 10 minutes. He has used crowbars to break into the safe to get money for beer. He lied about getting a 250,000 inheritance, led the kids and I to believe we were going to build a new home (talked to builder, had custom blueprints made, the whole 9 yards) Now the builder is suing us, and my husband basically told me it was a complete lie. Lies, drinking, and neglect to caring for our kids. I could go on. He wont go to counseling. Do I have to live with a man who is passed out on my couch urinating himself in front of the kids? Ive been praying, I dont know what to do. He will not go to counseling.

    • Admin

      tmac:

      I would take the kids and move out immediately. Nobody should continue to live in a situation like that.

      Perhaps that will wake him up and perhaps it will not.

      But separation sounds like it should definitely be the next step. Obviously that man is seriously messed up at this point.

      Michael

  • Deborah

    I am married to a non-Christian who I found out is bisexual and has had relations with men. I became saved after we were married and did not know he was bisexual till after I was saved. I forgave him and he did admit to me that he has a problem and now denies it. He started drinking again and is verbally abusive again. He is biplar and I pray for him daily but cannot take it anymore and am leaving. We live on property that he was born on and he indicated to me that he really does not want to stay married. If I leave or get a divorce am I sinning? Deborah

    • Admin

      Deborah:

      Has he had sexual relations with anyone since you have been married?

      In any event, it sounds like he needs a huge wake up call. Moving out and separating from him might just do that.

      I am so sorry that you are in such a tragic situation.

      Michael

  • HELP

    I realy need good advise! i recently got married on april but i have been with him for three years and have a beautiful daughter. But the relationship is not good at all we dont talk and when we do it turns into fight night after night . He dose not want to work and stays home all day watching youtube and going into facebook . a week ago i found his password and saw a message he wrote to some radom lady and i was in shock. He treats me bad he even have thrown me to the floor , pooled my hear , and chocked me but i never leave because i had faith God will change his ways but now i dont know if God wants me with him or not? i have no idea what to do? i want divorce but God coms first! what should i do?

    • Admin

      HELP:

      You should get out of that house immediately. Never stay in a house where you are in physical danger.

      And it sounds like he may definitely be cheating on you. If that is the case, you would have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      Was this man a Christian to begin with?

      Michael

  • Heart Aches

    I have been married for almost 5 years now. Before my wife and I married we had premarital counceling and prayed about our marriage. I was previously married and have custody of my child from that marriage. My ex wife committed adultery and I know my previous divorce was forgiven. Both my wife and I had our hearts in the right place before marriage. After only about 9 or 10 months of marriage I let Christ loose from my heart and was not praying or following his will. My wife and I were constantly arguing and having issues. One day we had an argument and she left to her parents talking about divorce. We ended up back together after several days but I continued letting the devil take the wheel. Now 3 1/2 to 4 years later I never changed my ways and she left me again. Within a couple days of her leaving I asked Christ back into my heart. I was saved at 14 years of age but went astray. I know I have always had him in my heart but I just now started back listening to him and serving him. My wife told me she has her heart open to the Lord, prays, and reads her bible. My belief is that if we prayed about us getting married and was both true to our vows to Christ and each other, and we both are believers and followers in Christ now that his will is for reconciliation. I have talked to her about this and she disagrees. I know I have to pray about this and I do many times a day everyday. I know my heart is right with him and she says hers is but some of the things she says makes me think she may not be as close to him as she says she is. She is leaning toward not working this marriage out but she says she is thinking about it only because I asked her to take time to think about it. She says she prayed for over 2 months asking God to give her the strength to leave me because of my actions. I was always very argumentive with her and did not show her respect. I realize the problem I had before allowing the devil to take control of my life but I am now following Christ. We both have always had a good intimate relationship with each other and neither one of us have ever cheated on each other and never thought of cheating. What am I to do if she files for a divorce? I have been praying so hard and I feel like I have to fight for my marriage but I’m starting to think I have to quit fighting so hard by talking to her about this and only pray about it. I have mentioned to her several times about what the Bible says about divorce and she says I have it wrong. Please pray for both of us and is there anything else I can do other than pray about this often? Another issue I have is that I have asked her to go to marriage Counceling with a preacher or good Christian Councelor but she says there is no need for that if she decides to call this quits. I have told her that if she gives me the chance she will see the change in me and will fall back in love again and be happy again. She says maybe she can not change back to what she was before but I believe Christ will change that if we both have our hearts right with him

    • Admin

      If your wife really wants to divorce you, you may be able to slow it down but you won’t be able to stop it.

      If you want to save your marriage, you need to ask her what you can do to save it, and then show her that you mean business.

      And I would spend some serious time praying and fasting.

      God can do amazing things, and pray and fasting together can make a huge difference.

      Also, reach out to your wife with some romantic gestures and let her see the man that she once fell in love with.

      Michael

  • Melanie Goodman

    I am very confused about my situation. I have wrote on here before. Now I have some new information. First of all, I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years now and we have a 3 year old daughter. After we got married things had changed between us it started as emotional abuse and then it escalated to physical. He tried to choke me, kicked our daughter when she threw a toy at him, and the recent incident slapping me in front of our daughter. Well, currently he is going to jail next week for 2 months. My daughter and I are at the house. He is staying somewhere else. I am a christian and he says he is too. I’m not sure if I believe him. He wants us to stay at the house so when he gets out he can come home. I am just really confused about the whole thing. I do love him, but it’s hard to just jump back in the relationship. My question is should I leave the relationship for a while or Do I have biblical grounds for a divorce? i am really confused. Thanks!

    • Admin

      Melanie:

      You should never stay in a home where you are being physically assaulted. I think a long-term separation would be a good thing for you right now.

      If you are confused if his heart has changed, the best thing is to stay separated until you are sure about where he is at. There is no need to jump back into the relationship if you are still feeling uncomfortable.

      It is his job to convince you that he has changed. Attending counseling together might be a good first step. You should be the one setting the conditions for reconciliation, and you should be the one to judge when those conditions have been fulfilled.

      Don’t be afraid to take things slow. If he has really changed he will understand this.

      Michael

  • Jen

    Hello, I was very glad to find this website because I have concerns about my life and relationship. The man I am with came from a very abusive relationship based on verbal and physical abuse from his ex. The abuse was the ex’s method of controlling him and his actions. This individual also had several affairs and even took their oldest son at four to a hotel room with her and her boyfriend. He and I have been together for almost three years but we have known eachother for 13 or so. My ex also had an affair. Today we live together and have a son but are not legally married because although she lives with her boyfriend, she refuses to sign the divorce papers that she told him she would sign years ago if he filed uncontested. The two children which I love with all of my heart are also the victims of the control and the oldest is afraid to hug me or anything when she is in the vicinity. He always lives on eggshells and it breaks my heart. We want them to be happy and healthy. I guess my questions would be does He consider my partner divorced or is he committing adultry due to our life together? Is there any hope of a normal life for the kids?

    • Admin

      Jen:

      There is always hope for a normal life for the kids. God can change anyone, and He can pick up the broken pieces of our lives and turn them into a beautiful thing.

      The main problem I see right now is that you two are living together outside of marriage. That is something that you guys need to fix if you want to be blessed.

      Michael

  • Callie

    I am posting this because I want a completely outside opinion about whether or not I may be overreacting. I am a young bride, I got married at 20 but my husband and I were high school sweethearts and had been together almost 4 years before we got married last summer. A year and a half before we got married and we were still dating, he cheated on me. I’m still not positive if they had sex or not but he accidently told me 2 days after we got married that they did more than “make out” which is what he had originally told me. He has also always watched porn and one time also about a year and half before we got married I found email and instant messaging conversations between him and a girl he somehow met online. The emails were about sex and they had even exchanged pictures. He doesn’t even hide porn from me anymore, in fact sometimes I come home and will catch him on the computer and he thinks its funny but it makes me feel awful about myself. Just last night, he told me that lately he thinks he doesn’t believe in God anymore. I am a Christian and although I know I need to put God number one my life I struggle with it, but regardless my husband saying this to me scared me and upset me. We don’t have kids yet but I don’t want to raise children with a father that doesn’t love and believe in God. I don’t want a divorce at all, I love my husband and despite all these problems can always find a reason to be happy with him again. But in your opinion, does it sound like it would be sinful to get a divorce? We’ve barely been married a year and I would be devastated but if it’s what God wants, then what do I do?

    • Admin

      Callie:

      I do believe that a porn addiction is equivalent to cheating.

      The first thing I would do is to separate from this man. It may be the wake up call he needs.

      And divorce may be an option if he will not give up porn.

      Michael

  • Baby Blue

    I’d like to thank you for posting this it’s currently a little after 1 am and something the pastor said has been troubling my mind. I am divorced he decided I was not what he wanted after almost 8 years of marriage and over 10 together. Many people have brought up Matthew 19 and since my ex husband did not physically cheat on me prior to his decision to leave me they have told me I’ve sinned by letting him divorce me. No one mentioned 1 Corinthians to me. You see my ex husband was a self proclaimed atheist and he chose to leave me I did not want to be divorced and did love, support and was faithful to him. I worried about moving on and have found a good christian man who is also divorced, his first wife was unfaithful. I have struggled with the fact that God despises divorce and have felt I let him down. I wasn’t looking for an out I did all I could to fight for my marriage. Thank you for giving me a rebuttal for those who choose to look down on me for being divorced.

    • Admin

      You are welcome Baby Blue. I am so glad that this article could give you some hope.

      Michael

  • http://howtopower-wash.com/ Zach Thompson

    I think divorce is entirely up to the personal preferences and discretion of the husband and wife in question. They might use the scriptures of God and the Bible to guide them in making their decision, but ultimately they must decide for themselves what they want. My condolences to all those who have been divorced, or who are about to be. My wife and I have had some trouble recently, and I used to visit this website a lot then (although I never commented), but we ultimately managed to work it out, and we’re a happier couple today.

  • Deb

    I have been married for 19ys now. My husband and I got married after I learned I was pregnant, we have 4 children now. He cheated on me during our 5th yr of marriage which resulted in a child. We worked through it but during the marriage he has had a drinking problem. 4yrs ago he recieved a DUI and resulted in a loss of his license for a year. Last year he hit a car but because it was in a parkinglot no police was called (he was drinking at this time), now this week he hit a car and is now in prison for another DUI and an unpaid ticket. I don’t know yet how long he will be there I do not have the money to bail him out and frankly I don’t want to, he also has not called me. (All this has happened in a commercial truck,so he nolonger has a job and more than likely will no longer be able to drive for a living). I am left with trying to figure out what to do. I feel like he has abandoned us. I don’t know what to do, I am struggling with leaving or working it out AGAIN. I am Christian and I want him to be a Christian husband and take his role but he keeps failing.

    • Admin

      Deb:

      That is a heartbreaking story. I feel very badly for you.

      Because he cheated on you, you do have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      But at the moment, he probably really needs you. I would at least go to see him even if you can’t afford to bail him out.

      Yes, he has failed. But he still needs your love.

      God can turn anyone around. Maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs.

      Michael

  • brian

    my wife withdrew from me several years ago with depression and drugs. In the beginning I tried to be supportive and to help but she only pulled away even further and started to resent me for not just accepting her behavior. After a while of trying, I began to just be angry and resented her for abandoning me and pulling away, turning to drugs. Many nights sitting alone in the house while she huddled up out in the garage smoking dope. All patience and tolerance were gone, on both sides. I was eventually tired of being unhappy and was pushed to give her an ultimatum, basically to choose that life or this life. She chose that life, several times over. Every time she was given the choice, it was never me. After months of fighting, I asked her to move out. She begged me not to do it and to give her another chance but in my frame of mind at the time I felt I had no choice, before I literally hated her. Shortly after she moved out she promised me that she would do whatever it took to win my heart back, yet it was just words, I didn’t see any actions to indicate her fighting to win my back, she continued abusing drugs. So I asked her for a divorce. Within a week of asking for a divorce she inquired about wanting to see other people, couple days later she did (sex), and couple days after that she met someone else and had been talking to him about getting together. I noticed a change in her, she was acting happier than I’d seen her in a long time, and it wasn’t because of me, that hurt me bad. She claims she gained some confidence back by just knowing someone else would want her, and that she wouldn’t be alone. I too went out with someone the same weekend (no sex, just a date), someone I’ve known for a while. After I heard my wife was more or less moving on, it sent a panic threw me that was so overwhelming I couldn’t function (3 days no sleep, horrible anxiety), shaking lose what I believe were suppressed feelings about her and how much I loved her and wanted us to be together (jealously, maybe? But definitely real strong emotions). We discussed it and have since decided to try some counseling. We’ve been talking more and trying to hang out, but there’s a tension there that we just can’t seem to get past (understandably). Animosity on both fronts. She feels I betrayed her by me “kicking her out”, I feel betrayed by her neglecting/abandoning me for so long, not to mention the way she chose to handle things after the separation, (seeing other people), sure didn’t seem like she tried too hard to “win my heart back”.

    We’re currently separated and I was convinced we should have divorced. I’m very scared and I’m trying to let GOD do his work and for his will be done and not mine. The stress of it all is wearing me down, suffering with severe insomnia and anxiety. we need help, and have decided to get couseling.

    FYI : we have twin 3yr old boys to consider as well.

    • Admin

      Brian:

      I feel for you. This is a terrible ordeal to go through.

      It is good that you are separated. I think that is very appropriate.

      Because she cheated, you do have Biblical grounds for divorce. But that doesn’t mean that you have to divorce her.

      I would take it slow and give it a lot of prayer. Ask God to show you what to do.

      Michael

  • Tina

    I have a dear friend who has been separated for 4 years now from her husband. They clearly married for all of the wrong reasons (security, not wanting to be alone). However, they quickly realized that they did not love each other. They were only intimate a few times in their marriage and it was always very cold and emotionless, even on the honeymoon night. They did conceive a son who is now 7 years old. They are both confessed Christians, but have very different personalities. My friend loves to share Christ with everyone she meets. She is outgoing and outspoken, especially about the Lord. Her husband is very reserved and detests that she will stop to share Christ with strangers. He hates being married to her and lets her know that he can’t wait to be rid of her. He has refused her every attempt to reconcile. She is willing to try to learn to love him to remain obedient to the Lord. He adamently refuses to even consider reconciling and has hatred for her. She has a heart condition that has caused a financial burden on their marriage. He sees her as nothing more than a heavy burden that he wants to be rid of. He has no desire to remarry and appears to be perfectly content with being alone forever. My question is: When he divorces her, which he is determined to do against her will, is it biblically allowable for her to remarry one day and remain in God’s Will?

    • Admin

      Tina:

      That is a very good question.

      I think that if this man divorces her and takes another woman (or man) that it would give her Biblical grounds for remarriage.

      This is a tough one that I know a lot of Christian ministers would disagree about.

      Anyone else out there have an opinion?

      Michael

  • http://google Wendell

    My wife an I have a long and complicated history but we’ve only been together for a year tomorrow. My lack of self confidence is putting a strain on out marriage to the point that she’s contemplating divorce. I know she is because she says things like “we were never suppose to get back together”. Right now she won’t even look at me. I spoke to a counselor and she said it sounds like I am depressed. I have to find a therapist soon, cause right now I don’t think my wife wants to stay with me any longer.

    • Admin

      Wendell:

      I would try to find a Christian therapist if you can.

      But no matter what you are going through your wife should not be treating you this way. It is her responsibility to love and support you even if you are going through depression.

      Michael

  • Asiyana

    My husband n I separated last year in June in November he screams that he has a baby on the way if I didn’t want him she would take him so I asked for a divorce he said no then in march of this year he asked if he can come home I said no but u can come see ur kids so he came over n his girlfriend started calling my phone asking if he was here saying that he was lie to her saying he wasn’t coming to see me or the kids n I told her he is n he will never stop that’s y he won’t divorce me so he starting saying he been having problems with her that she’s crazy so I said that’s exactly what u wanted so just please give me a divorce so u n her can be happy he said no I want u n I wanna come home please can we try or at least go to a church n I want them to tell me in wrong then I will divorce u so I said okay we’ll go to a church but this has to happen before that child that she is having is born cause u need to be there u messed me n my kids life up by getting another women pregnant so he said ok but sense that day he doesn’t want to leave I think that women had her baby he doesn’t know or seem to care n we haven’t been to church n everyday I ask him for a divorce but he says he will sign his rights over to the baby that she having or had. but I really don’t know what to do I love him n I thought he was different a different person till now but he keep saying he wish he didn’t do it n he doesn’t want to leave I really need some advice cause I’m going crazy real crazy. I don’t think that I can get thought this and oh after our last child that is now two he made me get my tubes tied. I don’t know if that’s y I am going crazy or is it the whole problem it self

    • Admin

      If your husband is cheating on you with other women you shouldn’t take him back.

      In fact, his cheating is Biblical grounds for divorce if that is an avenue that you want to pursue.

      Michael

  • Shera

    I was recently married in april, and we have been together for 11yrs years now, we are currently seperated. I was afraid of getting married and now that we are he has told me 3times since we were married that he wanted a divorce. He has been physically, verbally abusive. I have always supported our household, 9months ago I lost my job and I am working and bring home only a 1/3 of what was making. We have had 2 fights since then, when he tells me he is leaving, I tell him to get out. I am so confused, scared, hurt and dont want to throw all of the time we have together away. He refuses to go to counseling and I have told him I wanted our relationship to work, he agreed, now today he said he will be filing for a divorce/annulment, tomorrow.. WHAT DO I DO???

    • Admin

      Shera:

      Is your husband a Christian?

      Has he been cheating on you?

      Those are two very important questions that we need to know the answers to in order to give you the best advice.

      Michael

  • Marie

    I have been married two times. I feel like such a failure. I am a christian and have been for 10 years. I know God has great things He is going to do with my life and my children, but my husband is just waiting us down. I have no idea if he is a christian. I help lead a class on Sundays at my church, I voluteer for several organizations that I throughly enjoy,and he just taggs along when he wants. He doesnt really contribute anything, its like theres no sign of Christ at all in His life. He said the sinners prayer 2 years ago, he goes to church on Sunday, but nothing else. Theres no other signs that Christ live within Him. I try to help Him strengthen His walk but he always says “Dont tell me what to do”. He’s like a third child. I have no desire to “be” with Him. I know in my heart I married the wrong person, but i’m stuck because i will not hurt my children. We start marriage counseling this week. I want a seperation, I just dont want to have to deal with him until he is nicer and kinder esecially to my children.

    • Admin

      Marie:

      It is good that you are going to go to marriage counseling.

      Why do you think you want a separation? Other than not being mature or involved with things, why else would you want to separate from him?

      Has he been abusive to you or your children in any way?

      Michael

  • Christina

    My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and we have a 2 year old son.About a year ago we were having alot of fights,didnt get along and I fell and made a horrible mistake and was with another sexually.Since then I have asked for Gods forgiveness.I have never told my Husband about it….Iam I forgiven? My husband and I continue to have fights and dont get along.We have had counseling and it seems like nothing is working.I still and always pray for our marrage to work and pray my husband builds a relationship with God so we can grow and make our marrage work…

    • Admin

      Christina:

      Yes, you are forgiven by God.

      But you have done serious damage to your marriage. It sounds like a good counselor or therapist would be helpful because it doesn’t sound like you two are getting along very well right now.

      Michael

  • Matthew

    About a year and a half ago my wife and I went through a really tough time. She was being very physically abusive, and I refused to fight back out of fear that I would end up hurting her really badly and also I knew that it would be outright wrong for me to do so. So eventually the abuse got so bad that I left (we separated). During that time of separation I ended up cheating on her out of revenge (a terrible decision that I will regret for the rest of my life). A while later, God completely changed both my wife’s heart and my heart in a dramatic way. We got back together and ended up having a second child together. We have been back together now for about a year now. Things are great – we are both sold out to God, and He has totally transformed our marriage in ways that I cannot even describe.

    My question, though, is this… She doesn’t know that I cheated on her. I sincerely confessed my sins to God, and like David in Psalm 51 believe that “against Thee and Thee only have I sinned,” but there is a part of me that feels like I should tell my wife about what I did. I feel so conflicted. I know that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” but it almost feels like I’m hiding something from my wife, which I don’t like that feeling at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I know that my sin is gone – that is the nature of the Grace of God. I know also that, since my wife knows nothing about the sin that I committed that it seems counter-productive to bring up the past (that has already been covered in the blood of Jesus Christ, and has been removed from me “as the East is from the West”) for the purpose of preserving an honesty that she already believes is in place.

    Would bringing this up just bring conflict into our marriage? What would be the benefit (besides easing the feeling that I have that I am hiding something from my wife)? I know that I have heard it said that “what you don’t know can’t hurt you.” I don’t want to hurt my wife. She is everything to me.

    Another thought that occurred to me is that it is the devil and his minions that are putting doubt into my mind that I have been truly forgiven of my sin until I tell my wife about what I did. This makes sense, because I know that if I am NOT forgiven, than I have quenched the Holy Spirit in my life, and have become ineffective in my Christian walk.

    Is it possible that I am just struggling in my faith? Is it possible that I have lost sight of the shear magnitude of the Grace of God?

    • Admin

      Matthew:

      You have been forgiven by God, but the damage to your marriage is going to be difficult to repair.

      Should you tell your wife? Most of the time I would say yes to that question, but I don’t know all of the details of your story.

      Perhaps getting the input of a pastor or a good Christian counselor would help you to make the correct decision in this case.

      Michael

  • Julie

    I have been w/ my husband for sixteen yrs; we’ve been married for ten of those yrs. We have three children, and are high school sweethearts. I started dating my husband when I was fourteen. As of the last ten yrs our relationship has been rocky. He has proven to be unfaithful on many occassions. During those hard times after learning of his unfaithfulness, I always chose to stay. Over time I became less and less interested in being his wife. Today my husband no longer cheats and is an active minister in the church. Unfortunately, my heart is no longer w/ him and I no longer feel that I am in love w/ him anymore. I have been unhappy for so long I forget what true peace and happiness feels like. To make matters worse the only time my husband acknowledges me is when he either wants sex or something to eat. He’d much rather spend his time helping others women in particular, catering to his mother and or brothers, spending time on fb, chatting w/ friends or handling church business. Myself and the kids come last. I recently filled out divorce papers but have not yet signed or dated them. I have prayed to God for the last five yrs asking that he give me a sign or show me which direction to move in. After reading this article I fear that I do not have a “biblical out” and that I may have to continue to be unhappy until death do us part.

    • Admin

      Julie:

      A really good option for you might be a separation. You do not have to get a divorce to separate from him.

      And considering the fact that he is a minister, a separation is likely to be a HUGE wake up call for him.

      Michael

  • Sara

    My husband wants to divorce me & we are both believers. He says im considered the non believer bc I do tend to be the less spiritual one out of the two of us. I do NOT want to end the marriage. I have never ever cheated. Yet he’s still trying to use this part of the bible to justify divorce. Can you please clarify? I feel that he has no biblical grounds to divorce me.

    • Admin

      Sara:

      You are correct – he does not have any Biblical grounds for divorce.

      But like so many Christians these days, he is trying to find any way that he can to justify his desire to get divorced.

      Michael

  • http://whatdoesthebiblesayabout.com/archives/what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce RR

    My husband and I got married about 10 months ago. We dated on and off for about 10 years with 2 children before we got married. At first all was well we were going to church but after about 5 months we have started fussing and he’s name calling doesnt care about my feelings or my thoughts its about him and says he wants a divorce, and have attitudes for silly reasons, but then will sometimes apologize later. Other then that we are fine we get alone pretty good but it’s almost an every few day thing of fussing. I’m getting wore out, i know I’m human and get mad too but goodness these mood swings are wearing on me. I just want him to respect and love me at least 90% of the time….I pray and pray….

    • Admin

      RR:

      You can get a separation without getting a divorce. If he continues treating you badly, perhaps a temporary separation may be a wake up call for him.

      Also, it will be important for you to communicate to him very clearly what you feel the problems in the relationship are.

      Michael

  • Nicole

    I have been married for 15 years to my husband whom I love dearly. My whole marriage has been based on lies and deciet. I recently discovered that my husband has had numerous affairs on me, with one resulting in a child being concieved. The child is now 4yrs old. I stumbled across this child because he accidently butt called my phone unaware and at the time he was visiting the child and mother. I confronted him, of course he had to lie to cover the lie. I immediately jumped into detective mode because I did not believe him. While investigating, I ran across some pictures of him with the mother and child together at many events. At that moment those pictures spoke a thousand words and he could not deny it any longer. He told me if I didn’t find out on my own he would have never told me and we would have continued living a lie. As the curtains were raised on his lies and deception many more things were exposed. I am torn, I know what the bible says about divorce and I also know what the bible says your grounds or for divorce. We have 3 children together. He have yet to tell the children that he have another child. I am so heart broken, hurt, evil, angry, feel betrayed, in love, all these emotions are going through me. I can’t look at him with out breaking down inside, I can’t make love to him, because I feel grossed out. I cry day in and day out because I would have never thought in a million years that my husband would hurt me so bad. I gave up so many things for him, removed people out of my life for him, I literraly stopped having a life of my own, just to make him happy and to please my husband by any means necessary and later to find out I was being played as a fool. Part of me wants to hurt him, leave him and the other part wants to stay, I pray all day for good to renew my mind, give me disernment, mend my broken heart, guide my thoughts and my footsteps. I am such an emotional wreck I can’t hear him talking to me. I am women torn,scorned, lost and confused any advise?

    • Admin

      Nicole:

      Are all the cheating and the lying, what reasons would you have to stay?

      Are there any indications that he has repented and turned back to God at all?

      In this situation it sounds like a divorce would likely be the best thing, because his cheating absolutely obliterated your marriage.

      If he fully repented and turned to God with all of his heart you might be able to salvage things. Is there any indication that this has happened?

      If not, I would get out of there and not look back.

      Michael

  • Marie

    I met a man who told me he was recently divorced. We had a whirlwind relationship and married a year and a half later and started a family immediately. my husband told me His first wife had a daughter from a previous marriage. The daughter was graduating high school when we met. So shortly after being married we started our own family. we welcomed a daughter and withing the next three and a half years had two more daughters. Turns out the daughter from the first wife really was his biological daughter but this all happened while he was a Jr in High School and his parents were opposed to him being with her for a baby because they wanted him to go to college on his football scholarship. So the baby’s mother married a college beau and then divorced him and when my ex husband graduated college the two of them married for nine years. Anyway, during our nine year marriage my husband was emotionally disconnected from me, he never spent quality time with me and our children. I was very lonely and felt so neglected. I tried every approach to communicate this to him. Sex was very mundane, he only touched me when he wanted sex and deprived me of affection at all other times. Sex was quick and cold always and usually left me feeling so cheap and used. But for my family and marriage I endured this. One day I met a man who showed me attention and made me feel “attractive”… we started an emotional relationship and I succomed to temptation and had an affair. This was discovered by my husband and he quickly divorced me. I felt I deserved this because I had sinned against God’s word and committed adultery. While we were married my husband often expected me to perform “unusual” and degrading acts that made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted “NORMAL” love making, which I never got from my husband, he would NEVER even kiss me on the mouth during sex. Anyway, I later discovered that the urges my husband had about certain sexual acts were actually a sign that he liked sex with men, although he doesn’t want to identify himself as homosexual. So what I’m confused about now is…. If I was married to this man who had this “secret” during our entire marriage, was I really wrong in acting so desperate and reaching out to another man for normalcy? My family has been torn apart and I’m now raising our children with the help of his mother. He has since come into an inherited fortune and is living a live of luxury and leisure 6 hours away and sees our children once a month for a couple of days. He lives with a woman, yes a woman, whom he has told half truths and lies about Me and our marriage. She views me as a total adultress who got what she deserved and jealous of his relationship with her. When I tried to tell her the truth he pulled her away and fabricated another lie and she believed him and chose to stay with him. I’m glad that I don’t have him because he is a Liar and has a dark heart, not only to me and our children but to the adult daughter he has from his first wife whom he completely has NO contact with… Why do I feel so jilted and where do I stand on ever having God’s blessing of a loving relationship with someone. I’ve tried dating but never meet someone family oriented who wants a serious relationship…. Am I doomed to be alone forever?

    • Admin

      Marie:

      Yes, he was wrong for treating you so horribly during the marriage.

      Yes, you were wrong for committing adultery and breaking your vows.

      But you know what?

      God will forgive you and will take the broken pieces of your life and make them a beautiful thing if you will ask Him to.

      Michael

  • Avassi

    Ok first you dont have grounds for divorce on any thing in the bible. Ladys/guys are only to seperate and not remarry or to be restoted back to there husbands/wifes not get a divorce there is so much false reading of the bible that it is not funny. You made a covenet vow to the Lord and to your Husband/wife to honor and hold till death do you part. So stop letting the devil come in and get his way yes it says that you can divorce your wife or husband for fornication. But that was only for the begining of the marriege you have to remember that back then they didnt have engagements they were betrothed to each other and that was for one year. So if they found that there spouse was unfaithful and had sinned and commited adultry they were stoned and killed so the person was free from the law. They could marry who they wanted with out fear of the law and the only reason that Jesus said that Moses said you could was cause of the hardnest of your heart not for sex lets get that right. so many people by into the worlds veiw of the bible but never really read it for them selfs they just go off what others say and 9 times out of ten there wrong. You need to read the word for your self remember seek and you shall find knock and it will open to you. So here it is God said a house divided will not stand so how is it that God sayes he hates divoce yet will tell you to do it and go against his own word come on people open your ears and stop listening to this false words of divorce. That is why so many get divorced now you can not divorce your spouse you may seperate but you can not get a divorce. And you can not get remarried that is not ok eather. It dont say so they will leave there parents and become on flesh and then two flesh and three. you are being feed lies from the devil. There are no grounds for divorce in the bible unless you cheated before in the engagment/betrothed time. Here is the thing it also say that if a man looks at a women with lust in his eyes then he has commited adulty with her in his heart well if that is the case then there is no reason for anyone to be married cause with all the marketing and promotions that goes on every man/woman has done this that would be a very sad life to live. Because your couldnt marry any one unless you were blind. So do you see my point lets start to really read the word and learn what gods real plan for us is not what the world has to say or satan has to say.

  • Jake

    Hi. This might be a strange story. I met my wife online about 2 years ago. We talked and talked and then about a year later she came to visit me in Canada (she’s Brazilian). About 6 months after she got to Canada, we got married. However, we are both young: she was 18 (19 now) and i am 23. The problem is that she never wanted to tell her parents about the marriage. Looking back now I think that I never should have gone through without their knowing. However, i did. We now live in Brazil. She lives with her parents, and I live in a separate place because her parents are very conservative. However, we’ve been here for almost a year now, and she still doesn’t want to marry me here so that we can have a normal and proper life. Her parents and family love me, so I don’t understand it. She always says that she loves me, and tries to show it, but being away from me so much is beginning to kill my love for her. I do love her, and I only want to live with her like we should. We both have good jobs, and we can easily rent a house, but she insists that she wants to save up enough money for at least a down payment on a house, which could easily take another year or more. I told her that we could save up together, but she just won’t see it. I dn’t want to divorce her at all. But every day I die a little bit more. It is killing me inside not being with her. And even when we do get a chance to spend time, we have to be completely ‘respectable.’ To be clear,we rarely have time together now. She is always working or going to university, so not living with her now means that we have zero time together. I’m on the brink of just packing up and going home honestly. It hurts me that she considers it so easy to be away from me for so long. I’m honestly really lost and I just want to do the right thing. I’ve tried so much to talk to her about everything…she either doesn’t understand or just doesn’t care. I know I made a mistake as i shouldn’t have married her in the first place without her parents knowing about it, but I did and I just want to try to deal with the situation properly now. Thanks for any help.

    • Admin

      You need to be the man in this situation.

      You need to tell her parents that truth and you need to confront her about the marriage.

      If she will not live with you and be your wife, then you should separate from her. I would even consider flying back to Canada.

      She needs a wake up call, and you need to confront her and make her make a decision.

      Michael

  • Kristy

    I am currently in a marriage that has been problematic. When we first married I did not believe in God and he was not sure either. However, a couple years ago we both became Christians. He is a drug addict and has some other mental issues as well (e.g. depression, anxiety, bi-polar). He refuses to change his life and is tearing me and our three children down in the process. Is it okay to divorce him since when we were married we did not believe in God? I really want to be a Christian wife to a Christian husband who loves and respects God, me, and my children.

    • Admin

      Kristy:

      For a husband that refuses to change, sometimes a long-term separation can be a huge wake up call.

      Michael

  • Annonymous

    My husband and I have only been married going on 5 months but have know each other for 6 years. Before we were married we discussed many things that were acceptable/not acceptable in marriage. He has lied to me throughout the entirety of our relationship, masturbated, looked at porn only in the beginning of our relationship (so he says) looks at nude videos, provocative pictures, etc. to get sexual gratification from women. He also likes one of his coworkers and has masturbated while thinking about her. I am wanting a divorce. It’s so sad that all of this has happened so soon, and I couldn’t even describe the other things that have occurred. He is a licensed minister and we both “love” the Lord (so I thought). I am planning on filing a divorce. If so, if he changes in the future, should we even reconsider being back together? Is that biblical? I don’t know what else to do. We have also done premarital counseling and started marriage counseling after we got married.

    • Annonymous

      Also, I don’t believe a temporary separation will do anything because the last time I left he stayed home upset at me for leaving (because of the lies he have told) and masturbated while thinking about his coworker while I was gone distraught and crying over him. It’s like he only “feels bad” after we hit rock bottom and I am out the door. This has been going on for the entire time. He lied to me to get me to marry him and portrayed himself as the epitome of a Godly man. Our entire relationship has turned out to be a lie. Literally. I’ve married a monster.

    • Admin

      If he is looking at porn I would consider that to be cheating and Biblical grounds for divorce.

      You don’t have to put up with that.

      If you do go through with a divorce, the Scriptures do say that you are not to go back to that man. So if you go down that road, there is no going back.

      Michael

      • Annonymous

        When he looks at videos with females and provocative pictures I consider that porn. But he doesn’t. I guess because he used to be addicted to porn so he knows what “worse” looks like. We are now separated and he says that he is working on himself but he still lies to me constantly. I still don’t know what to do?

  • Depleted

    To my knowledge, my husband has never slept with another woman since we’ve been together. However, I’ve found out over time that he lied to me about watching porn and having relations with other women before we were together. I feel cheated on and that I wasn’t given a fair chance to decide if I really wanted to marry this man. I feel like I didn’t know who I was marrying and probably wouldn’t have married him had I known. He doesn’t act like the Christian leader he pretended to be before we married. He changed about 3 days into our honeymoon. He was a completely different person. I’ve felt trapped and miserable our entire marriage. I have always desperately wanted to please God, and I felt lead to marry this man as part of that goal. Now, my commitment to God is the thing keeping me in this marriage, but it’s also making me feel trapped. Does God really want me to be miserable forever? I doubt that, but I can’t see how I will ever feel whole again. My husband has taken so much from me. I have given my all to make this work, but he just takes. He has stolen my joy from so many things, and I don’t feel like I even know him :(

    • Admin

      Depleted:

      If he is still watching porn I would consider that to be cheating.

      And a potential first step for you might be a long-term separation. You need to confront your husband and tell him how you feel, and if he is not willing to change then a separation might be the wake up call he needs.

      Michael

      • Annonymous

        What do you consider a long term separation?

  • http://google pat

    I was 18 when i met my ex-husband. We were together for almost 11 years and married 5 of those years. While we were together he had a child during our relationship I had already had two children with him. this was very heartbreaking to me. He would always cheat on me and leave me at home with the kids while he went out partying. I started talking to another guy and he found out so he forced me to get married. I didn’t want to get married but I was afraid of him. After the marriage I started getting involved in drugs and alcohol. I went through losing my mother and other hurtful trials. He never changed and still did the same. I could never catch him cheating on me but all the signs were there that he was. I soon started cheating and I went into a dark place a dark hole. I told him that we needed to change and we needed to give up the drugs and alcohol. He said he would do anything to make our marriage work but he failed. So I left because I was becoming a person I didn’t want to be. I left and I continued to see one of the guys I was cheating on my husband at the time. I got divorced about a year ago. I got saved this year & i never knew about how God hates divorce till after I got saved. I have asked for forgiveness & I just want to be forgiven for my actions. It’s too late to work anything out. We both have moved on. I was on the road to destruction was that still against God’s will?

    • Admin

      Pat:

      You had Biblical grounds for divorce because he was cheating on you.

      The key for you now will be to develop your relationship with God. The Lord can pick up the broken pieces of your life and turn them into a beautiful thing.

      Michael

    • Annonymous

      I feel like we are going through the exact same thing.

  • Jeff

    I was married to my first wife at the age 22, she was 18. This marriage was rocky from the start. Our sexual relationship was not out of love but more of something to answer my request. I never cought her cheating, but found many lies with her and I became very untrusting with her. Finally she came to me requesting a divorce and I granted her one realizing I made a mistake. On my second marriage with the women I love and two great children all follow Jesus! Attend church and very happy ZERO problems in this marriage. I do feel guilty on the bible and marriage/divorce instructions. I’ve prayed on the subject and admitted wrong doing and have ask God for forgiveness. Does this seem fine in the eyes of the Lord?

    • Admin

      Jeff:

      God will always forgive the sins we have committed in the past.

      You need to realize that you have been forgiven and you need to move forward with your new life.

      Michael

  • Frank

    I married my wife almost a little over 5 years ago, at the time we did not know Christ and were living together, so we married to make things right under God. Soon it became apparent that we had made a mistake, more fighting than peaceful times, she has a son from a previous marriage who I took in as my own, for 8 years I have been a father figure, but neither she nor her son appreciate this, frequently I am over ruled by her when it comes to discipline, she undermines my authority, allows him to do what he wants and he is very disrespectful to her. Although there has been no adultery, surely God doesn’t want us to live in misery as I do now. Would this living conditions not merit a divorce?

    • Admin

      Frank:

      Misery is not Biblical grounds for divorce.

      You all have made a lot of mistakes, but God can take the broken pieces of your life and turn them into a beautiful thing.

      The first step is for both of you to get right with God.

      The second step I would recommend is for you guys to get some good marriage counseling.

      Michael

  • http://Yahoo Cindy Gurgoze

    I am a 50 year old Christian American-born woman who has been married to a Turkish man who is a non-believer for 24 years. We were married in Istanbul, Turkey. I had known him 3.5 years at that point and even lived with him along with my brother for 9 months prior to him going back to Turkey for the military. I was in love with him at the time or so I thought I was. I was having a lot of trouble financially during that time and having trouble in school so I may have married him for convenience on the advice of a college professor. I think that I had a very low self esteem during that time because even though I was a Christian I slept with a lot of different foreign men during the time that my husband then boyfriend was in Turkey. I really felt awful about that and at the same time wanted to be in a secure situation so I married this man thinking that things would get better. I could have married a very wealthy Greek guy that was 5 years younger than me and was crazy about me but I broke his heart instead.
    Anyway, he has been abusive to me and my 4 kids, ages 19, 16, 14 & 9 ( this one he didn’t even want but I insisted on having another child) Especially verbally and emotionally and not so much physical any more (but used to be). Every time that I would ask him to get counseling for his anger management, OCD and drinking problems, he would say that I should get coaching for my ADD first. I have been under a psychiatrist’s care and taking Strattera which has helped me greatly with organization and focusing and the psychiatrist says that I am very strong and my husband is the problem and needs counseling but this never seems to be enough for him and he still refuses to get help. We have tried marriage counseling but of course he wouldn’t see a Christian counselor and wouldn’t go because he didn’t want to spend the time or money. I was always the one that would go instead.
    I came very close to divorcing him in 2002 and 2004 ( I actually had an appointed for a lawyer then but of course things calmed down I chickened out as usual). I think it was his threat of leaving me with nothing and taking my kids to Turkey that always made me back down. I am a very educated woman. I have been a teacher, CNA, PCT and am currently working towards getting an MS degree in Nursing. My husband has a PhD in Medical Physics which he flaunts often in my face to show that he is more superior than me. He is very against my going back to school because he thinks that I am too old to be a student and working on another career. He thinks that I should have been working as a teacher towards retirement all of this time. I do work as a private CNA which allows me more flexibility in my schedule and I make OK money. It is just not full time with benefits and retirement plan like he has.
    I had breast cancer 6 years ago also and had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction and a total hysterectomy because I am BRCA positive for breast cancer gene. I was very blessed because they caught it at Stage 0 and I didn’t have undergo any other treatment. You would think that this would change things with him but no. He pretty much told me to get up and go to work right after my reconstruction which I did. I worked as an Adult Aide and AssistantSupervisor fro a Kids Club. Even this did not satisfy him. We pretty much haven’t had sexual intercourse or much of anything in the way of intimacy for about 5 years. I asked if it was because of the reconstruction but he said no he thought what I did was great but his actions don’t show it. Quite frankly, I hate him most of the time so I’m not attracted to him at all anymore. I want a divorce and to take my kids and show them what a loving Christian life is all about. My older 3 children are saved ( my 14 year old has doubts about God still though).
    I want to know if I would be doing the right thing by divorcing him. I pray for God to bless us and protect us and to show me what to do everyday. I believe that God is trying to tell me something right now. What do you think I should do?

    • Admin

      Cindy:

      You never have to stay in an abusive home. I would get a separation from him immediately and I would also get your kids away from him as much as possible.

      You then need to communicate to him what you expect in order for the marriage to be repaired. Perhaps he will choose to stay, or perhaps he will choose to leave you.

      Through all of this it will be very important to be praying and seeking God as much as possible.

      Michael

  • Andrea

    I have been married for 9 years. For the last 3 or 4 years my spouse cheated on me with another lady. I forgave him and decided to still try an work things out.In the last month I found that he had been seeing another lady for the last year and there was a baby conceived out of this relationship. This hurt me so bad and I want to leave but theres a voice that has been telling me to stay. He’s not saved but I continue to proclaim Gods word to him and a live a holy life. He’s asked me to stay but I’m not sure if he plans on doing anything different. I’m praying asking God to order my steps and direct me to what’s good for me and my 2 children.

    • Admin

      Andrea:

      You need to take a stand here.

      Cheating is not acceptable whatsoever.

      If he has not repented, I would separate from this man immediately.

      And his cheating does give you Biblical grounds for divorce if you want to go in that direction.

      Michael

  • Damitric

    I was with my ex husband 4 years before marrying him. After marrying him we were separated before our first year anniversary. This was because he was cheating. I tried to believe it was going to get better. We got back together and into our 3rd year of marriage I found out he was cheating again. I put him out the house. He also had a baby on me our 2nd year of marriage. I forgave him. After putting him out the house he lived with another woman from day one. I finally divorced him 6 years later. I was seeing someone and had twins right before the divorce. I know I was just as wrong as he was. But through it all he has always loved me and I have always loved him. We have 2 boys together. He always have told me how much he loved me but I stopped telling him 3 or 4 years ago because I was hurt and he seemed to be happy and going on with his life. Recently he just remarried after being with this woman 6 months but had been with me and still expressing how much he loves me. I have been feeling so bad lately. What do I do?

    • Admin

      Damitric:

      You need to stop all communication with this cheating former husband.

      He is an emotional vampire and he will keep hurting you if you allow him to.

      Michael

  • Jen

    Hi, Im so confused emotionally and spiritually. I’ve been married 13 yrs and we both are Christian and have 5 beautiful children together the problem is that he has been abusive to me in the past due to his anger problem although it wasn’t on the daily basis and I’m not justifying his actions but Im so tired of us playin a good Christian family & then when isuues come up I lose my interest on God. It’s so bad that I live him but not in love with him. Our children has seen it all & heard it all now I requested a separation and he’s finally accepted it although he still wants to work it out including going to counseling. What does the bible say about that and divorce or separation all our friends are tryin to give us the best advice but only God can lead us to the path of this marriage sometimes I feel as though I want to try again but then I’m afraid to relive the past. Not a way for us to live. I do have to do what is the best for our children. It’s not healthy for none of us.. I know I hav to go bac ad seek God truly seek him again. I’m hiring and confused as well as he is hurting.. Please any advice. Sincerely confused Jen

    • Admin

      Jen:

      I think a long-term separation will be a really good thing here.

      Hopefully it will be a wake up call for your husband and he will become very serious about getting right with God and very serious about treating you right.

      And don’t be afraid to go to counseling. That will be a safe place to help you guys work out your problems.

      Michael

  • Brittany

    Hi I have recently been talking to a guy that I’m starting to like but when we first starting talking he shared with me that he had been married before. And that him and the woman he was with got divorced four months ago but he had a goo reason to divorce her because she cheated on him while they were married and lied to him and really hurt him. He has no kids and no feelings for his wife. I’ve been praying about it and I would like to see what could happen but we both aren’t in any hurry. Im just not sure what to do?

    • Admin

      If he was divorced because of infidelity previously than there should not be a problem with moving forward.

      But whether or not this relationship is right for you is something you will want to seek God about.

      Michael

  • http://google jake

    what if the husband is abusive and hurts the children and the wife, is divorce ok the?

  • http://google jake

    forgot the n

  • Craig

    My brother had an affair with a co-worker and ended up divorcing his wife and then marrying the woman with whom he had the affair (after she, too, divorced her husband). They now have two children.

    He claims that, although he had claimed to be a believer prior to his infidelity to his first wife, that was only nominal. He claims that, since marrying his current wife, he has truly come to faith in Christ.

    He has asked forgiveness of his ex-wife, their adopted son, her in-laws, our parents, and siblings. He has expressed remorse for all the hurt that he has caused. He has remained in contact with his ex-wife and has complied with all the decisions of the courts and done additional things (home maintenance; car care; transportation needs; etc.). He has stayed active in their sons’ life, always including him in all photos of his “new” family. He also sought advice with this situation by meeting regularly with a pastor from his church.

    With our siblings, the reaction has been mixed. Some feel that everyday that my brother stays with his second wife, is another day of an “adulterous” lifestyle. Also, they say that, even though my brother has supported his ex-wife with some additional things, he is obligated to provide for his ex-wife in the manner that he led her to believe he would on the day they were married. So, they feel that he is not doing enough.

    So, here are my questions:

    1. Under the scenario above, is my brother currently engaged in an adulterous lifestyle? If so, what should he do?

    2. How is my brother to relate to his ex-wife, especially in regards to material support for her?

    Thank you for your insights.

    • Admin

      Your brother did commit adultery and he shouldn’t have gotten into in this second marriage.

      But God picks up the pieces of our lives where He finds us and He expects us to move forward. I don’t believe that God would have him divorce his current wife even though the marriage was not right in the first place.

      And his ex-wife and her family are likely to be bitter no matter what. Probably best to allow the lawyers to come to an agreement on the financial matters.

      Michael

  • Anna

    My husband and I have been married for three years. He’s an addict and he refuses to work. He in fact lost his last job because of failing a drug test. We have a son who is 3 now and I don’t want him to know what his father is doing or why he’s always gone. I’ve prayed for guidance but I’m still lost. My family doesn’t believe in divorce but this situation hurts so much. Do you have any advice.

    • Admin

      Anna:

      How about a long-term separation? That may be the wake up call your husband needs.

      Michael

  • http://msn JA

    To RyanD,who made comment to Admin for Lindsey… In Matthew 16:23 Jesus told Peter,”Get thee behind me satan for you are a stumbling block to me,you don’t mind the things of God, but of men.” The word stumbling block is like saying adversary.I’m not comming down on you, but trying to encourage you to see you allow satan to use you in thinking, “GOD can only offer but so much happiness”&”the Bible prompts wrong teachings”. It saddens me,:-(, to know a person claiming to be GOD’S child thinks as such,yet I know you are not the only one & I will cont. to pray for you & others. As I said I am not comming down on you for I am struggling w/some issues in my life that causes me be convicted to the point that I am actually ashamed to call him “FATHER”, not because of him,but I think,”how can I claim you doing as I do,& having thoughts as I do?” You see,I know these thoughts are from the ememy,but I still struggle w/them.I think,”GOD’S spirit is too pure to dwell in an unclean place,so is he in me.” It sometimes causes me to question my salvation,but yet I TRULY believe JESUS died for our sins,rose,has all power,& is sitting on right hand of FATHER in HEAVEN.You see I was saved long ago,but am now on this journey to make him not only SAVIOR,but LORD of my life.Thus,I am trying to cleanse myself of all unrighteousness.I responded to you because you have allowed satan to courupt your mind & so have I,but I KNOW it & am praying EVERYDAY for GOD to cleanse me,so HE will be happy w/me & I please HIM,not men. PLEASE!!! If you truly are my CHRISTIAN brother, I implore you to analyze yourself & pray for GOD to show you where you are wrong & to help you to get it right. Please pray the same for me because I want to know he’s smiling on me as his child;it’s what we as his children should all desire!!! LOVE YOU, & if not on this side,pray I met you when we get HOME!!!

  • Eric

    I am divorced and happily remarried. If I would’ve stayed with my ex-wife because the bible says so I would be dead or in jail right now. I believe God’s will is for marriage to be forever but He doesn’t say make it work or you won’t go to heaven. There are situations requiring divorce other than infidelity. Criminal activity, substance abuse, sexual abuse, child abuse, violence, neglect or abandonment, false accusations, dishonesty, moral and ethical issues or your spouse turns gay. Don’t stay with a spouse that destroys your life no matter what the Bible says. Get out and live a happy, fulfilling life.

  • http://aol Bev

    Don’t forget. Michael has been saying exactly what is in the Bible. God has a plan for us and our marriages. He also said the one thing he would not tolerate is blaslphamy against the holy spirit. If you are in a marriage that is abusive etc ask for God’s help with it. I doubt he would like you to remain in an abusive marriage. Take the necessary steps to get help and ask God to intervene. After a while I think marriage would be acceptable to God because you have truthfully done everything you could. Remember, the one thing that he will not forgive is blasphamy against the Holy Spirit.

  • Jackie

    My daughter has been divorced twice. Her first husband was a bit abusive (not physically) and used to kick her out at least once every 6 months (even pregnant with his child). She is a Christian and he did go to church with her and they went to counseling, but she left him after nothing was working. A coupld of years later, she married a guy (Christian) with three girls of his own (she had three. This marriage did not work and she went crazy with all the children, along with a whole lot of other issues that come with second marriages. She has been divorced from him for a couple of years now. I am now under the impression, according to the Bible, that that was an adulterous relationship and should never have happened. She gets along with husband #1 really well (like good friends). I have been praying for them to reunite. They are both a lot more mature now. Unfortunately, he lives in another state, so they are not physically in the same place, but speak on the phone often because they have two children together. I know she is lonely and would love, at some point, to have a husband, but does not want to bring another man into her children’s lives (she now has 4. #4 came with husband #2). I know it sounds like a mess, but would it be so wrong of me to pray for a reconcilliation with her first husband? He is, after all, the husband that would be considered the covenant marriage, right? I haven’t said anything to her at this point because I think she would think that I was crazy and I would definitely want God to orchestrate their reunion. What’s your opinion? I am actually angry that there are so many ministers marrying divorced people. What are they thinking? It seems to me that they are really stretching the Word of God to fit what people want. Wouldn’t this be what God is talking about when He says not to add or take away from what is written in His Word?

    • Admin

      Jackie:

      If you look in the Old Testament you will see that God does not approve of couples that were once married getting back together after they were divorced.

      Michael

  • Megan

    Hi,
    Me and my husband have been separated for a year now and he recently informed me that he has been seeing someone else for awhile and wants a divorce. He is not a believer and I’ve been told conflicting ideas as to whether it would be right or wrong for me to someday, after the divorce & in Gods time, find another husband. Part of me wants to look at what I feel I did right in our marriage, but a big part of me just feels guilty about the fact that I married a non Christian in the first place. Should I move on when this is over?

    • Admin

      Megan:

      Yes, you should definitely move on when this is over. It sounds like your husband is cheating on you and that he is abandoning your marriage.

      Hopefully the next chapter of your life will be much better.

      Michael

  • Labs

    Ok so i am still very new at this marriage thing. I feel like i got married for the wrong reasons and i feel stuck now, yes it my fault and i need an honest opinion. So i love my husband but i feel like i felt pressured and didn’t want to hurt his feelings so i married him. I also married him because i had been with him for some time and felt bad about people looking at me as the bad person and not marrying. My family only approved of him and not anyone else, so that was another reason. Now that am stuck in it, i realize it is not gonna to be my family answering to God towards my failure as a wife but me. So to prevent the worst case scenario i need major help. Don’t get me worry am a believer as well and i know that is not what God wants but am very unhappy, there is still personal stuff i want to accomplish in my life and enjoy the marry life.

    • Admin

      Labs:

      What “personal stuff” would you want to accomplish that you could not accomplished being married?

      Michael

  • Lynn

    I am in a loveless marriage to a man that does not believe in God. (He has 666 tattooed on him) I was not sure how I felt about God until recently, I met a man who through conversation brought God into my life. He is a passionate person, tears come to his eyes when he speaks of God and God’s word. I find that I listen, that I am interested in a relationship with God because of him. My husband and I have been separated off and on for 5 years. He cheated on me twice and then I did the same in retaliation, then he got addicted to drugs and then he got sober and now we are strangers living in the same place. So my question is this, we have grounds for divorce based on the infidelity I know, but will God forgive me for letting go? I want God in my life and this is unacceptable to my husband, I am not allowed to go to church or pursue a relationship with God without ridicule. Also, if I do divorce and a relationship with the man who brought God back into my life is possible would God give us his blessing or would we our relationship or marriage go unblessed? A marriage that includes God is what i want for my life. Is it possible?

    • Admin

      Lynn:

      Because you have been cheated on then you do have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      But you need to complete that process before getting romantically involved with this other man.

      And definitely pursue God with all of your heart. That is going to be the most important thing in your life moving forward.

      Michael

  • Christine

    I have been with my husband for five years come this October. I am his third marriage, he is my first we have a son together who we both love dearly. I love my husband but feel he has been unfaithful to me. He has recently returned for an extend business trip from Alaska where he was for four months. While there, he met someone else, he swears he didn’t sleep with her but I have found emails that suggest other wise she tells him she loves him and he tells her horrible things about me that I don’t believe to be true. He has also told her that he misses her and that she is not second best that he is only waiting for the pieces to fall into place for them to be together. I am now strongly considering divorce and preparing to move my son and I 3000 miles back to where my family lives. Since I have decided this he wants to work our marriage out and be together. I am not sure I will ever be able to trust him again because this is not the first time he has had an inappropriate relationship. I believe that in a marriage you are not supposed to have any inappropriate conversations nor take someone of the opposite sex on what would be consider a date. Whether he has slept with her or not I still feel that my trust and love has been betrayed. A small part of me wants to work things out with him because I do love him and I stood before God and our families and promised to love him til I die. But then more of me feels like this is an unforgettable situation that I will never be able to get over since it is not the first time it has happened. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I have a cousin who is a doctor of theology, I have considered talking with him but am not sure I should for the simple fact he is my cousin. Is there any advise you can give me. I am praying that the lord with get me threw this but I am only able to see what will happen if I leave.

    • Admin

      Christine:

      Has he admitted his cheating to you at this point?

      I think a separation would be a good option until you can get the facts sorted out.

      Unfortunately most cheaters tend to stay cheaters unless the Lord Jesus Christ changes their hearts, but I don’t want to judge this situation without getting the facts.

      Michael

  • Labs

    career wise, and also furthering my education. Dear admin are you a counselor or a pastor? By the way i’m figuring some of this out little by little, its just every now and then the devil plays tricks with my mind.

  • Kid

    I just wanted to look at this because I live in a Christian household, and my parents aren’t always the happiest with each other. Apparently, they have somewhat of a misconception about divorce and think they can do so as long as they don’t remarry. They are both saved, so their condemned to this marriage now. Oh, well. I just hope they can work out their differences as this marriage has been going on for almost twenty years. It is hard to still love someone after they’ve done and said so much. But if I hear them considering it, I’ll leave this page open on the computer as my mother sometimes browses my sites. They’ll learn. Nevertheless, I’ll try to marry someone I’ll love forever. The end.

    • Michael

      Kid:

      That is where forgiveness comes in. In any relationship there are going to be hurts and soul wounds. The key is to learn how to forgive and how to heal.

      Forgiveness is one of the most important factors in a successful marriage.

      Michael

  • Tim

    What dose the Bible say about christian getting divorced and getting remarried again? I have a friend that thinks this is ok and all you have to do is be saved and your ok i have trouble believing that God would let this happen? From what i read in the Bible i come up with this if one cheats on the other they can divorced and the cheater cant remarry but the other can am i understanding this right and if the adultery gets remarried whats Gods word on this thank you

  • Dylan

    The law where I live states you have to be legally seperated for one year before the divorce can be finalized. About a year ago, I left my soon to be ex wife. I was unsaved and battling drug addiction. I started going to the church I’m in now. I started very casually seeing a young single mom from there. One night, the wing decisions were made and her and I are now expecting a little one in a few months. Her father, one of the pastors at this church said that we had to server all communication not baby related until I got divorced, so I put the paperwork in and get the date set for the divorce. About a month later, I accept Jesus as my saviour. I was then told that I need to try and reconcile with my ex. After several conversations, she made it very clear that she doesn’t want to reconcile and she wants to work on her relationship with her new boyfriend. Even after sharing all this with the baby mama’s pastor father, he told me that if I don’t stop the divorce all together and get the ex to file,then the church will seek church discipline, possibly kick me out of the church as an adulterer and if the girl I’m having a child with has any relationship with me they will do the same to her. I’m really stuck on what I should do. The ex has committed adultery, just as I did, and she has no desire to reconcile. The court date its in a couple weeks and I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want my child’s mother to have to choose between me and her family, since I got saved after this ball started rolling, I want to do God’s will. What do I do?

    • Michael

      Dylan you are in a gigantic mess.

      Hopefully her father will realize that the mistakes of the past cannot be unwound and that the best thing moving forward is for you and her to make a family for that child that is coming into the world.

      Michael

      • Sdrew

        Don’t stop the divorce.

  • dawn

    I have a question about an emotional affair. Is that ok to divorce over? I’ve been married to my husband 14 1/2 years. For the last 8 1/2 years he’s had a female “best friend” he met at work. He lied to me in the beginning to be with her. I begged him to at least let me be involved and not to lie to me. he continued to see her, telling both of us that we hated each other. He’s lied to me numerous times to be with her. He has told her terrible lies about me and what a terrible person I am. Recently I found a letter to her. It stated how much he loves her and wants to be with her and that he wished she would accept our daughters. I don’t believe in divorce, but it’s just so painful to know he’s in love with someone else…He knows I found the letter but denies the feelings.

    • Michael

      Dawn:

      I would qualify that as adultery. And if there has been no physical contact between them I would be incredibly shocked.

      But that doesn’t mean you must divorce him. Divorce is an option here, and you will need to pray about that.

      The first thing I would do immediately, though, is to separate from that man right away. He needs a big time wake up call.

      Michael

  • justin

    Hi, I posted on here back in April I took your adivce did all I could do I have been emotinally drained over the past 5 months are so previously I had told you about my wife leaving to another state and not really wanting to work things out well let me give you a update and I hope you can give me alittle more adivce Over the past 5 months we have been back and forth things seemed to be getting somewhat better since she has moved I have only visted her once because she always has some sort of excuse I drove to see her on her request But of course I was happy to see her as well It was only for a weekend things from my point of view went really well we got along she wasnt telling me she loved me prior to us meeting unless I asked ” do you still love me” and then she would say ” yes I do ” anyways while i was up there she told me without asking and for about a week after my return even our converstaions on the phone got better she would actually call me more so than me calling are texting her than things took a dramatic turn for the worse and still I dont understand what happened Ive asked her time and time again with no real answer I have asked her time and time again if she wants a divorce and she just ignores the question and hangs up on me… Well before she left I kinda felt like she may have been seeing someone else are atleast talking to him But always put it off she never seemed like that type of girl she has called my mother several times telling her how much she loves me and has never loved anyone like me…So I really had hope well not now… I found out the other day through facebook that she is seeing someone else she has pictures posted with both of them out and about This to me takes things to a whole diffrent level if she is romantically involved with someone else sleeping with someone else there is no chance for us I havent made contact with her now in about two weeks Im not sure if she knows that I know are if she posted the pictures so I would find out either way were not divorced is she technically commiting adultury still….even if we are seperated… and Is this grounds for a divorce Im defenitly not getting back together with her I believe things have went to far I told her be honest no matter what and she couldnt…any advice would be helpfull

    Thanks,
    Eric

    • Michael

      Eric:

      If she is cheating on you that is definitely Biblical grounds for divorce. I would confront her and try to find out exactly what is happening with this other man and go from there.

      Michael

  • matthew

    Good Evening,
    My name is matthew i am a service member of 7 years i have been married to my wife for all of those seven years. I have two children ages 7 and 4. In the past i have brought trust isses in to my marriage in many diffrent formats, such as talking with old girlfriends, looking at porn, and spending large amounts of money over seas. I have never cheated on my wife but by brining these issues in to my marriage has put me in a situation where we fight on a regular basis and my wife told me tonight she does not want to be married to me anymore. At first i was stubborn and said fine but as i researched divoce and what it does to families i do not want to be that statistic. I just need direction of what i need or should do to keep my marriage intact

    • Michael

      Matthew:

      The first thing that you need to do is you need to repent and turn to God with all of your heart.

      After that you can hopefully show your wife that you have changed, but it is going to be hard to rebuild that trust.

      Michael

    • mWnard

      Seek counseling…. What you are suffering from is an addiction. Lets not blame you but your addiction and you will need council. Google Jerry & Susan Sinclair, Jacksonville Florida Marriage Missionaries, Faithful and True of Jacksonville. They have a specialty, ministry for your addiction.

  • Lolita

    My husband and I have beenarried for almost nine years. He commited adultery for the first four years which resulted in the death of our newborn daughter. He contracted a Venerial disease and it caused her to have an irreversible birth defect whic she died from thirty hours after being born. He recently got caught by me soliciting sex via Craig’s list (6) months ago. We have a son and he is our only child, there are no other children. Furthermore, he was laid off two ad a half years ago and started his own construction company which is failing miserably. He refuses to get a job. I am the only one working full time. We are now facing bankruptcy and williston likey loose our home. I just want out of thisarriage but I don’t want to sin! I want to be pleasig to God!!!

    • Michael

      Lolita:

      If he has committed adultery you definitely have Biblical grounds for divorce.

      And if he is soliciting sex on the Internet you want to get out of that house as soon as possible.

      Michael

  • Amber

    I have been separated from my husband for over a year now. We were both strung out on drugs and he became abusive and I left. I filed for divorce, but cancelled it in the hopes that we could work things out. Long story short I ended up having a child with someone else while we were still technically married. Now for some crazy reason he still wants to be with me, and I still love him. I was raised up in church, but I strayed far from the righteous path. Now that I have my son it has become clear to me how wrong and selfish I was. I want to live for christ. I have asked forgiveness and I still talk to my husband every day. He cheated on me earlier in our marriage, but I chose to stay with him. I want to do what is right by God, I am just not exactly sure what that would be.

    • Michael

      Amber:

      Since you are not divorced yet you can stay with him if that is what you believe the Lord wants you to do.

      Is this man a Christian?

      Michael

  • Little pooh

    I recently got married and I really care about my husband. Every since we have been married I have noticed things that could break us. He tells all these little white lies (about paying bills, his job, etc) and in the end he always says he will try and do better. I know that right now prayer is my best option but if it reaches the point of divorce am I wrong? I feel that we really rushed this. We missed a lot of steps along the way and we did not sit down to consider the severity of marriage. I am young and I feel that I have made a mistake. I value my relationship with my savior and I only want his unconditional love in the end. Also both my parents were killed and I would like to remain a child of God so that I can one day be with them again. Please someone help me with this divorce is my last option right now but I feel it is the best I am finding my that my days of unhappiness out weight my days of happiness. I am tired of the lies and his aggressiveness (frequently)……please help

    • Michael

      Little Pooh:

      You don’t have to put up with his lies, but that does not mean that you should divorce him.

      First of all, I would confront him about these lies. Hopefully if he is a Christian he will listen to you.

      If he is willing, perhaps some marriage counseling would be helpful.

      If nothing else works, a long-term separation may be the answer.

      But you should not run out and get a divorce just because you are not happy or you believe that you rushed into things.

      God expects us to honor our marriage commitments.

      Michael

      • Divorced Woman needs a do over

        Lil pooh….once a child of God always a child of God. Christ was crucified only once, once saved always saved. Divorce not will condemn you, no, it’s not acceptable in the eyes of God under the old covenant. Jesus is the new covenant, all is forgiven, if you do divorce. But the bible encourages us not divorce, except under extreme circumstances as maritual unfaithfulness or abusiveness. The bible says that we are to honor a marriage if the other doesn’t want a divorce,we are to forgive our spouse and work on the marriage. God does allow separation, perhaps even long term, so we can work out problems, from a safe distance. Remember to be like Christ in everything we say and do, with humbleness, grace, a reflection of our inner self. We should emit unfailing beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit, which is great worth in God’s sight. (1Peter 3:4)
        Seek God’s word; search deeply for answers. Also, get counsel from your pastor/ ministers as they have knowledge, theologically on God

  • Scott

    I am looking for sowm help to get throw to my wife of 3 years. We are both belivers. She more so than me at frist. This is my 2nd marrige and her 3rd. About 1 and a half years into our marrige I started to talk to women online not that I was looking for anything from them just talking. Anyway my wife found out about it and rightfully so got mad. I did not see it as cheating as it was talking but after talking to her I did see it that way. I stoped going online. Things seemed to get better but then she started to accuse me cheating on her with other women in town. The 1st time this happoned her sister told her that it was not possible as this woman hates me. Anyway one night her girls were at a frinds house and at midnight or so I went to bed. Soon after her cell (the only phone for the famliy) went off. I tried to stop it but failed. So I took it to the bath room to shut it up so that I would not wake her. When I came back to bed she asked who I was talking to. I told her wehat happoned and she did not belive me. The next morrning she ask me for a divorce. We have been apart for almost a year now. We go to the same church but that is it we do not set together. We both have dated sence but as for me I chose not to anymore I do not know about her. I love my wife and want her to come back to me but dont know how please help.

    • Michael

      Scott:

      Once trust is gone it is really hard to rebuild.

      Have you asked her to go to marriage counseling with you?

      Michael

  • http://deleted Scott

    Yes and she refuses

  • Angela Davis

    I have been married 21 almost 22 years. 2 days after my 21st anniversary my husband took a women to the movies. He didn’t disclose this but I found 2 movie tickets on the bathroom sink for an afternoon show in another city 1 hour away. I confronted him and he admitted that he took another women to a movie and said that it was not cheating! He said it was a girl he met in college 25 years ago and that he had bumped into her earlier in the day while he was doing business in that city. He said she asked to G he movie, he said yes and so they went. I almost suffered an emotional breakdown behind all of this. I still struggle with this event. Is this considered cheating? What about grounds for divorce?